Being in a relationship, and being in recovery can be the best thing at times, and others times it can become difficult. When one of the people in the relationship is at a different stage in their recovery, it is hard to know when to step back and let the other have their own process. I know for me this happens in my relationship with my partner. Knowing that I have done the work myself, not someone else, makes it hard to know when I am encouraging her in her recovery, or basically enabling her. My partner and I are at two different stages in our recovery. Neither is ahead of each other, we are just at different stages. Some times we both are so honest with each other about our behaviors, that the line becomes blurry, and I know for me, I can’t tell if I am being honest or trying to push her to do something for herself. I am sure it is the same for her. Not only are we in love, we are best friends, and each others biggest support in recovery.

It is hard for me to see my partner not putting her best effort into her recovery. I don’t know where the line is between me encouraging her, and me doing the work for her. And because I love her so much, I want to see her in a place where she is doing her best and when I don’t see that, I try to control it. I have to remember my first step, and allow her, her own process. Even if it is different than my own. I know for her it is the same struggle. She constantly wants to help me and show me what defects of mine may be acting out in disease. It is hard sometimes when you love someone so much, to just not want to help them because it worked for me. I have to realize that my process is just that, MY process.

I believe that the twelve steps are the key to me having healthy relationships in life. In order to do that I must apply them, even if it is not what I want. It is no longer about what I want you see, it is what I need. I love my partner regardless of her defects, and I have to remember that when I am quick to judge or try and control her behaviors, even it is with positive regard. This allows me to keep my relationship with her and not have constant struggle.

Today I am blessed to have a God who loves me, a partner who loves me, and people in my life who love and support me. In the darkest of times, these are the things I hold onto to keep my faith in the program.