Yup. I’m goin there. Epic “no-no”, cause of arguments, discussions, eye brow raises and 13th step jokes. Down this slippery slope I go (pun absolutely intended). So … you wanna go for coffee after the meeting? Best recovery pick up line EVER!!!
New in recovery … or even not so new. Sex can be a difficult topic to discuss. Of course we can refer to our handy dandy recovery books … but all they basically say is ask God and don’t hurt anybody. God likes sex doesn’t he/she/it? I would assume so since we were created to do it. Some say instinct and some say need. Other schools of recovery thought are coitus anarchists and say “Strap me up baby I’m gettin’ my groove on”. Others go for the penile prohibition choice, “No sex except for a loving committed relationship … after a year … after the steps … after you’re old and shriveled. And for goodness sakes don’t enjoy it”.
My opinion varies on the subject. Being a divorced mother of three little cutie pies, my ability to meet eligible men is sketchy at best. Meet men at meetings? Then you hear “Don’t shit where you eat. AA is not a pickup joint.” Just for the purpose of being contrary I wonder where exactly us 30-ish, in our sexual prime (omg) folk are sposed’ to find a sexual partner or at least a date for movie night? Blah.
Everyone being at a different level of recovery/spirituality/healthiness (whatever that means), would suggest that we must be careful in our interactions. What’s okay to one of us certainly won’t be to another. I think the key may be to NOT be selfish??? The ability to have compassion and see other people for where they are … without judgment. Little Suzy sunshine may SAY that she can do the horizontal mambo and just be “friends”. Ahem. Three weeks later when your phone blows up every ten seconds would say otherwise. And that hot-ass new guy that promises that he wants a serious relationship and “We can stay sober together!” … I don’t think I need to finish that thought. At least I hope I don’t … gawd.
Wary of offers for “coffee” from the opposite sex after meetings. Those lead to U-Hauls in driveways more often than not. At the very least, could lead to waking up next to someone you really may not know well or even like that much if ya do know em. If someone is pushin to unzip the jeans, even if ya wanna REAL bad, make em’ wait and see if they’re in it to win it … or for the five minute show. Unless the five minute show is all ya want. Be careful though; the fallout can be seriously whack and you may break out in stalkers.
Like anything else in life and especially recovery, we don’t need any more shit than is already on our plate. Sex can be amazing, or a diversion, or a quick fix, or the start of something good. Know yourself, know your motives, for shitsakes be honest. Meanwhile, “self love” remains my best friend. Don’t even have to wear makeup or sexy outfits … although I usually do. Sexy is an attitude. Try not to pervert it. Or do pervert it … just don’t bitch about the consequences.
Heya g/f, I couldn’t have said that better meself!! Great read!! ty
Sexy is an attitude of Gratitude!!
hugs n love, lala
smexy (smart & sexy) is an even better attitude…and why I like you so much.
I think you’re a good one, and hey, I’m one smart cookie.
krav (resident self-appointed genius)
i love canoes. nuff said
Well said. A difficult subject handled with just the right amount of humor.
*curtsy* why thank you good sir =)
that was really good and kept my attention til the end, great stuff. as a male in recovery and just coming back into the rooms amazingly i find my brothers finding it hard to deal with the topic of impotency as shared in the BigBook A/A. sometimes i’m told i’m too honest or to forward… eitherway, i appreciate all that you shared
Thank you so much for saying what i need to hear. I have been friends with this guy from the rooms and i feel like i want somthing more, but im not sure. Thank u for reminding me to check my motives, be honist, and to make them wait
I enjoyed reading your article. It was well thought out, honest and to the point. You brought up some good points..where do we meet potential mates outside of the rooms?..examine our motives..being honest with ourselves. Between work, meetings and service work, I don’t have time to do much of anything else. Plus, it would be nice to find a woman that strives to become more self-aware/spiritual like some of those that I meet in recovery.
It is a as you put it..a slippery slope..the women I grow to respect and trust, have become my good friends, and I don’t want to take the chance of complicating those friendships. So what is a guy to do?