“It’s a selfish program.” ~ said by more “wise” folk in meetings than I can even count.

“Selfishness- self centeredness! That, we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self -delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62

Merriam Webster defines the word SELFISH as : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty like we do up in here. Don’t be selfish? Does that mean I don’t think of myself ever? And why the hell do I hear people say it’s a “selfish” program if this is our purported biggest issue?  As if people aren’t confused enough already sheesh.  I mean how DO you take care of yourself if you have to give it all away to keep it? Oxymoronical paradoxes.

Do I go to meetings for me, or for the bloke who spills more coffee on his shirt than gets to his mouth from the shakity shakes? Hmm. Again you’re gonna hear this girls experience and I’d love to hear yours too.  As quoted above we sometimes don’t see things clearly, specially when we’re self will run riot wrapped in sick.

I believe a better term than “selfish program” would be a “self fulfilling program”.  Operating under the premise that self exploration and removal of “delusions” while working with other alcoholic/ addicts is the way to recovery; it would seem to this chick that the “me and only me” show just don’t cut it. Have to take care of myself for sure but in a way that’s not ALL about me. Make sense? Probably not.  Sounds like another paradox.

Just like anything else in life, it’s about balance. And yet again we have to bounce off the walls to find the middle.  I’ve seen it both ways.  Folks who live, breath, sleep, eat the 12 steps and fellowship. So much so that their family can’t tell a difference from drinking and non, cept for the breath and lack of uniformed men draggin sorry butts to jail.  Then there”s the other folks that come late leave early; would no sooner give a ride to a meeting than shoot themselves in the foot.  Honestly, I’ve done both. Recovery being a process, judgment can get bent.

Healthful boundaries, learning a good “fit” within the parameters of what’s best for me AND those around me.  Not CO-dependence, not IN-dependence, but a sweet actually not so new concept called INTER-dependence. Defined as being mutually responsible to each other. Recognizing the infinite truth that “me” and “we” can be woven together in a delicate pattern of healthy. Interconnectedness, neither completely enmeshed nor isolated.  We strive to find this balance in our 12 step ho down.

Inter.  Another balancing act for shore.  Taking care of me, taking care of you, taking care of we. Walk softly on the balance beam and keep your chin up, arms out, one foot in front of the other. I’m right behind the person behind you … behind the person behind him … and on and on and on.  Inter.  I like it.