Breaking news on late night tabloids flash to a picture of a bloated teen star. Quote from an interview with Britain’s The Sun in 2004 voiced over by a late night floozie.  “I was working on The Lost Boys (1987) when I smoked my first joint.  But a year before that, I was starting to drink beer on the set of  the film Lucas (1986).”

Another shot of Haim, young adult now; you can see his addiction like a mottled stain of shame on his face. “I lived in Los Angeles in the ’80s, which was not the best place to be. I did cocaine for about a year and a half, then it led to crack.”

And finally the kicker. The news flashes all over, during the day this time, cause you know dying is BIG NEWS.  This tortured soul said so much more than his words related. I am an addict and I am dying.  “I started on the downers which were a hell of a lot better than the uppers because I was a nervous wreck. But one led to two, two led to four, four led to eight, until at the end it was about 85 a day – the doctors could not believe I was taking that much. And that was just the valium – I’m not talking about the other pills I went through”.

Final picture of Haim in his happy days before his addiction took a downward spiral that sucked the life out of him.  Newsflash! “It was an apparent overdose,” said Los Angeles Police Department spokesman Frank Albarren. Oh and as  for the four empty pill bottles found in the room?  They’re not talking bout that. Yet. Tune in next time. Apparent. Indeed.

Almost voyeuristic in nature, our society reacts to a celebrity death from addiction like rubbernecking a multiple car pileup on the interstate. Something titillating to the world about watching someone go down, over and over and over again. Make it a “B” celebrity and all of a sudden, television screens are reflecting images like a two AM infomercial; watch him go to treatment, watch him relapse, watch him drunk and high, watch him embarrass himself, watch him die … it’s the amazing DRUNK AND DOPEFIEND SHOW. Corey Haim is just another number in the list of those who die every day from addiction. The difference is living in the public eye, scrutinized by others because they “think” they know. It is on television; and of course you believe everything you see there right?

Did the cameras catch the pain of his family? The dark nights of the soul where the choice was death or using? The humiliation of not getting it and using after telling the papers that he was “clean and sober” … again. The torture and torment of “this time it’ll be different” thinking and seeing his life, career, future become wrapped in a neat ball of SICK. The legacy of Corey Haim as Reuters news feed so wonderfully described him. “Hollywood teen star of the 1980s who became as famous for his struggles with substance abuse as his acting“. Bleck. How bout being famous for his willingness to never give up until it killed him? So much for the perpetual optimism of the media. Oh wait that’s right. Living doesn’t get ratings.

We as recovering folk get the whole idea, have a gut level understanding of the living hell that was his life. As a result we have compassion. Responses such as “drug addicts should die cause they’re stupid” via Twitter, make me cringe and shudder. As if anyone would consciously choose to be sick in the first place.  Cause you know that public displays of sick bring about fame, but not in the form of the next movie role.  Bankrupt by a hundred thousand dollars, Haim lost it all. Including and especially his reputation as an actor; using and the chronic relapse train made him a hollywood has been joke.

Yeah I hear you buddy. I get you. I relate. More than a celebrity gossip show for people to say “awwww”, you are me.  Funny thing about addiction and celebrities, you always hear about them when they’re on the down and outs. But when they’re recovering? Being healthy, active, productive members of society? Not word one. Guess public shame and death is more newsworthy. Pity.  Back to rubbernecking. But those of us who “get it”,  celebrate the quiet dignity of recovery. And we know. Yes indeed … we know.

From those of us who have been down that same dark alley of hell…

Rest in peace Corey.

as written for the HITCH newsletter by yours truly on March 10th 2010