Ever have that moment where you just KNEW you said too much? Went to far? The long awkward pause where you just spilled the proverbial kidney beans of ultimate truth … the moment of silence that seemed to last forever?  Or if you don’t got the intuitive not-so-common sense to notice, the point where people turn their back and walk away giving you a very odd look, after you just puked your real on their feet.

I’m all for honesty really. We could go in the sketchy area of “white lies” like the always popular “does this make my ass look big?”. By the way, that statement is fishin’ for compliments and you got a damn mirror … you know what you look like. If you have to ask my opinion then you already think it looks big and nothin’ I say is gonna make a damn bit of difference. Whew. Okay back to the ish. I think we should leave the dickering of definitions of lying blah blah blah … for the comments on facebook. (yes i read em)  Let’s look at the whole honesty principle in the vein of personal perspective.

Now. For those of you who’ve had the “honesty throwup” on ya let’s relate what that feels like exactly.  ME: Hi. How are you?  Honest Abe(HA):  You know I’m pissed off today. ME: Oh?  HA: Yeah you know them sons a bitches … yadda yadda yadda … and THEN … (more crap) … and I have this thing on my thing … (omg yes someone said that to me before) … (ten minutes later) … how are you? ME: I’m cool man. Later. (odd look and the walk away).   Lately I’ve been asking people “Hi. How are you, short version please?”

Now that was all in fun *ahem* … but really have you ever felt that way? When you’re tellin your sponsor something or letting go of a boundary or telling someone how you feel about them?  I KNOW that you people have spilled your guts and had it end badly … we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t!  I say spill em’ anyway.  People don’t like it well that’s just too damn bad.  Mindful of others feelings is of utmost importance however. I don’t have the right to spill my shit on you JUST to make ME feel okay.

More often than not we, okay I (dammit), have had issues with this. Felt SO good to be sober and honest; that I just spilled everything to everyone within a 100 mile radius. This led to raised eyebrows and scooting chairs away from the blonde with the big mouth.  I had to bounce off the walls to find the middle.  Starting with completely closed off, I then jumped to utter nakedness.  Finally the pendulum has rested somewhere in the middle. Today, when I make the grand faux pas of spillin’ a bit too much nougaty truthy goodness, I have the ego strength to laugh at myself.  Not everybody need know everything. Ya know?

There’s a time and a place for honesty. YES … don’t steal, don’t hurt people on purpose, don’t skip work on a sunny day cause yer “sick” (okay that one is negotiable).  I’m talkin’ bout the honesty spew. Sometimes the most honest thing I can do is keep my fool mouth shut. Cause truly I don’t always know what’s honest. I have stepwork and sponsor extraordinaire and friends I bounce things off of all the time.  But truly, what’s “true and honest” one day might turn out to be the grand lie the next.  Boundaries are cool and hip and all that. Everyone is not ready to know ALL of the ALL … that is all. Best I can do today is try to navigate my way with what little social graces I can muster and be gentle with myself. I’m a work in progress ya know.

Okay since you guys really wanna know right? Wanna hear all bout my surgery? Well it all began with a hernia the size of a cauliflower, looked like one too …