So. Yeah. What’s this then? This letting go and letting (insert god of choice or lack thereof … we’ll call it “?”). Inspired by a conversation held not too long ago, okay five minutes ago; by a friend who said … “It’s too big for me. I’m gonna turn it over to god.” He used a big G by the way. I never do.
Is this epic cop out or momentary brilliance? Just turn it over. Everything will be just fine. Sorta like saying, if I just don’t think about it it will go away? Or perhaps it’s the ideology of unconditional acceptance. Maybe like saying to a drunk … just quit it. Give it to “?” and you’ll be just fine. I don’t know bout you all, but it was NEVER that easy for this girl. If that were the case then screw stepwork. We could stop at step three and be done with the whole bloody mess. Waltz off into the sunset of eternal bliss … one two three one two three.
Turn it over. I turn THAT idea over and over in my mind. Is a simple statement of affirmation enough really? I mean I get the whole concept of not ruminating on a problem or stewing in it even. But I have to work at it. Practice. Do something different. Meditate. Practice mindfulness. Look at my part in it. Talk to someone. And then, by “?” … CHANGE IT.
This person I spoke with. He said the same things he’s been saying since I’ve known him. In the same spot. Stagnant. Still a bad relationship. Still back and forth. Still. Standing still. Then I simply ask … Whatcha gonna do? Get the rote answer. Turn it over to god. I say … How exactly? Silence. yeah I gotcha. gotta go now. Doin’ what ya always did WILL bring different results most times … worse ones. Compounded with years of like minded behaviors, it builds on itself into a flaming crescendo of S I C K.
So really. HOW exactly do you “turn it over”? And does it stay that way? Like a cherry turnover does the dough stay neatly pressed, or do ya flip flop in the sugary mess? To quote a “good” book, faith without works is dead. Sorta sick of “dogma funerals” really. Not so much what you believe that matters … it’s what you do with it that makes all the difference. Verb … it.
My, my, my. Wonder if this is a case of “great minds think alike”? I too have heard it said, “turn it over to God (He’s big stuff, I’ll give Him/Her caps) and don’t get it either. If I’m goin’ down the road in my truck at 60 mph and I turn it over to whatever what’s gonna happen? I’ll tell ya in one word…CRASH! That phrase has a ring of abbrogating responsibility to me. I can’t He/She can…OK. I sort of can agree with that. “Turning it over” sounds like the Ostrich sticking it’s head in the sand. Maybe it will go away if I ignore it. This may remain one of the aspects of recovery that I never do fully understand or accept as part of my routine. Maybe the problem is me but I won’t know that for a while. Tis something to ponder.
Let Go and then Work! You hit it on the head with faith without works is dead. I believe “turning it over” is doing the next right thing especially when its the harder thing to do. I listen to my conscience which is what I believe God wants me to do, discuss problems with my sponser and support group and pray. I usually find that I have to do exactly what I didn’t want to do because my disease wants me to take the easier softer way. I know anytime I say F’it I’m absolutely wrong and will pay the price.
love your comments and YES. I agree. absofreakinlutely.
Hi,
What I’ve learned is that I am not in control of much. Yep, I have to do my own footwork, but results are out of my league. I’ve also learned that when I change my part in an equation, there’s a different outcome.
The only thing I have control over is my own behavior. When someone else is not cooperating with the script I have written for them, or not doing it my way, and the play is not coming off as I planned… how do I act?
What happens on the stage of our lives often clashes with our “will” and we balk. Letting go, to me is simply accepting that I am not the director of anybody else’s show. I let go and let God. I let go and let other people do what they will! If i’ve been kind, I have done my part well.
I believe the 3rd Step ~ is all about humility. As it says in the Big Book we have a new director. When we are engaged in our will, we actually believe we can direct the people in our relationships. Wether it’s at work, in the car, with our family, friends, at the grocery store! We may have been kind and gotten screamed at, helped a family member only to be criticized, or been rude ourselves and yet received kindness in return.
The other’s in our drama, have a higher power, whatever that HP might be, and they are operating from their own lens. When we turn it over, we believe that there is something bigger than us running the show and it is not us! The relief is magic. And how we behaved can either be in alignment with our concept of what our higher power and higher self would want, or not.
Can you remember a time in the past that you were upset, confounded, hurt, angry, insulted… by the actions of others? Did you expect them to do it differently? When i expect others to do things differently, i’m in my will, and playing God.
I asked a sponsee recently to write down when in the past she had set the stage and then been upset by the outcome. She came back the next day ~ with an aha moment. She said, “OMG, I realize I do this in everything I do, from the moment I engage with anybody everyday, I have an idea of how it should be and it doesn’t happen that way and I’m upset! I’m hurt, angry, blaming, and in self pity! I would have to write down every day of my life!!”
We read the Big Book on Step 3 – Beginning at the Bottom of page 60 – 63. AND this says it all!
Let Go, and life gets a whole lot simpler. We can Live and Let live!!
And yep, it sure does take practice. But i’ve found that it gets easier.
trudging the happy road ~>
hope I’ll see some of you along the way.
Cindy
Let go and Let God has been an ongoing struggle more times than I care to acknowledge. I vacillate between using capitals and lowercase when spelling things out and have found it really doesn’t matter. That power out there that is greater than me is still greater than me. I heard, trust god and do the dishes very early in recovery and have found that annoyingly profound. “He” hasn’t done the dishes for me yet. Faith without works is dead. Hope without works can send me right straight to hell on earth. Works differ according to the issue and/or situation. Letting go is entirely defined, for me, by having done ALL I can do, without causing harm, and finding a level of peace with that. It is all as simple as I allow it to be. Or as complicated and chaotic as I make it. When someone quotes a slogan to me and my dearest wish is to slap the face off them, I know it is time to find a quiet place and take a look at what is going on behind the scenes in my mind. This kind of dialoguing, all these posts and responses, helps a great deal, providing I am honest. It is actively and honestly participating in the process that has made Letting go, Letting God something more than a trite slogan to me. Today!