I’ve seen it. Done it. Been it a million times over.  The one that really “shares”. You know the way down deep kinda share … the one where you can barely hear a pin drop and everyone is on the edge of their seat.  Real and true and honest and gut level as a person can be.  Then … the comments begin.  Classic “no no” of recovery land. The “cross talk”.  Looking directly at the person who just shared their soul and feel completely naked.  And what do they get? A room full of people telling them what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and why. Bleck. I abhor talkin’ cross the room like that.  Afterwards I’ve gone to people who got “talked at” for an entire meeting and gently spoken with them about perhaps being not sooooo specific if they didn’t want the feedback.  Sad really.  That the one place where we should feel comfortable to just let loose … you got people wanting to fix it and make all the boo-boos go away.

The reason why 12 step programs work is because we are to only share our experience, strength, and hope.  TA DA … that’s it kids.  Ever hear of catharsis? Again I’ll save ya the google; Catharsis:  the bringing of repressed thoughts and feelings to consciousness in order to relieve tension, or the release of tension itself.

Hmm. Just the simple act of acknowledging and verbalizing the ish … relieves the tension. Takes the lid off the proverbial pressure cooker.  The founders of our programs were big on the only speak of your own experience thing.  Never telling anyone what to do … just share what you did.  That is a basic tenet.

Imagine yourself naked in a room full of people.  Disrobing from a petticoat of shameful experience (we’ll discuss levels of sharing in an upcoming post … it’s a doozy lemme tell ya) you’re raw.  I mean raw – raw blood dripping style.  In my years as an Addictions Counselor I learned very early that the simple act of just listening and being in the moment … is HUGE.  Most times people just want to be heard.  Any sponsor worth their salt knows this.  I’ve seen (and done) the “advice” show. I learned the hard way that this only not works but can backfire horribly.  TELL a dope fiend not to do something … and see what happens right? Good grief.

There is dignity in the sharing of pain. Don’t be a fixer or we’ll collectively send you to the 12 step meeting for that too *cough alanon cough*.  Then there’s the “you told me to do this and it didn’t work soooo therefore it’s YOUR FAULT”  ouch. snap. step back. People can learn to heal when the shame game is done.  Let’s not take that away … there’s always after the meeting to jump on someone and give your two cents worth. Don’t be surprised if it’s not received well.  People don’t like pointing fingers as a general rule.  We do that well enough on our own.