For years, I sat in the dark. Unable, unwilling, un-something; to express the real of the deal of who I really was.  Especially during the years of the dark sickness that’s known as addiction.  Using covered up everything that I really was … like you (yes social chameleon-ism), so used to the manipulative dance that we do, that I felt like one big B L A N K.  Living in an empty perpetual parenthesis.  Feelings – angry or numb. Thoughts – self centered and obtuse. Beliefs – skewed and screwed beyond belief.  I had NO idea who I was to even TALK about in many ways. But I could always write it …

As I look back on my scribe vibes, I see the progression of transparency.  At the time I just wrote what was happening, here at this hot spot as well as my personal blog.  After the year of the relapse, I just started writing (again) on a whim on In The Rooms. No biggie right? Just did what felt natural.  Didn’t expect a single person … okay that’s a lie.  I expected my close pals to read and laugh at/with me, but that’s about it.  Next thing I know … the boys in the loft say … you wanna write some scratches at this bloggy thingy we got goin? Or some derivative of that sentence – you get the idea. Sheesh.

Somehow I had found my voice.  How vital this has been to my recovery process??? Good gawd a mighty you have NO idea.  Or maybe you do.  Voice. Internal miraculously transformed into external data.  Be it words or music or dance or painting or poetry (yay) or knitting or macrame or what-the-hell-ever floats your dinghy.  (Except gun collecting seeing as I’m a pacifist by nature … I don’t get it. Then again I don’t have to.  As long as YOU do.) Expressionism. Recovery style.  Of course not limited to just us folks … the human condition has shown itself to be in need of an outward vehicle for their internal dialogue.   I’d say (and of COURSE I’m biased lol) that recovery folks have an edge in many ways.  Art in many ways is begotten by emotion.  And when we start to FEEL again??? Well let’s put it this way. We gots lots to “say” no?

It’s the steps and the identification exploration of our disease that helps us trudge the road to happy destiny.  There’s more than one way to skin the proverbial kitty cat.  I find that yoga, meditation, writing prose, painting, poetry, drawing, dancing, singing … is in every way a form of prayer.  Sending out energy to the universe, no matter what form it takes is win.  Emoting with tears in the sadness is healing.  Dancing joyfully for the peace achieved is … a very big deal indeed.  Painting a picasso of need when you’re soul starved is epic. It ALL equals win. It’s not so much WHAT you do. It’s simply that you DO SOMETHING. Preferably non-harmful *ahem*. Yes I’m looking over my glasses right now.

Your voice.  Your instrument. Your healing. I, for one, want to see/hear/feel it.  I’m able to create based upon the people around me.  And YOU … well you’re some pretty damn cool kids.  I so dig ya.  This has been one of the most amazing “vocal exercises” of my entire life.  So, I show you mine … you show me yours. Post (on the facebook page or on my profile on ITR) Y O U.  Art, poetry, videos … whatevah.  I wanna see this amazing group of drunks and dope fiends show the recovery discovery … whatever it may look like. Together we form a choir. Of hope. Recovery Rock Opera.

Post Script :  Lewd and lascivious content can be mailed privately. Jokin. Sorta. Okay I AM. WHAT-ever and an *eye roll* … I’ll post some SassySoberGirl poetry and you all can laugh.  I’ll laugh too.  If I can’t laugh at me? I’m sunk fo sho.  Can’t wait to read you.   *mwah*