Oh such a title to write up to … as I’m sitting here with the sniffles and a fever I often wonder how many of my fellow recovering folks are like me? Super Stoic? “I got this … I’m fine … blah blah blah”. Until we fall on our faces from exhaustion. *ahem* We get all the rhetoric about making meetings, talking to our sponsors, stepwork and the rest … and boy is it sorely needed. However, what about when it comes to boundary setting? Taking time to care for yourself physically and emotionally by having the ability to say … ENOUGH.

I’ve always been an over-achiever, setting impossible goals for myself and then pretty much falling on my face.  The hook being … I do get a lot done and at times have had marked success.  Downfall? Watch out for the crash cause it will surely come.  This has lessened with years of self exploration and becoming my own advocate. However, it still rears it’s ugly head from time to time.  Stubborn tendencies, “do-it-yourself-ism” was a prized quality to have in my household.  Do it your damn self aka if you needed help you were a pansy. Yep. I know it’s bunk … now.  But old memories and trained ways of thinking die hard.

How does this impact sobriety and my facebook wall? (lol)  Well … in the spirit of self disclosure I’ll tell ya.  Comes off as rather passive aggressive when you don’t take care of yourself.  Going to work when you’re sick and then being pissed off that you’re there because “Don’t they know how sick I am and they should recognize how dedicated of an employee I am?” Huh? If I don’t care about myself and take care of me … no one else is gonna. THAT you can take to the bank. Another more cryptic example from my personal vault of shame … “Don’t they know (my recovery family) that I’m dying inside? That this smile is fake and I want to razor out my eyeballs?” (this was a proverbial lifetime ago before the year of the relapse no comments of keep coming back please *wink*) No one knows … what no one knows … ya know???

Squeaky wheel feels odd to some of us.  Now there are other types in recovery who have NO qualms whatsoever telling everyone THEIR issues, asking for help – and the car keys, and to borrow $20 bucks, and and and … you get the idea.  I could never relate to those folks.  My stoicism would have none of that.  As usual it is about balance.  Somehow finding the pendulum in the middle and knowing when keeping silent does more harm than good. It’s all so confusing sometimes, learning to say NO when you don’t want to or YES when you don’t want to. It’s a wonder sometimes that we come out of this alive. Sheesh.  So what to do?

Hopefully by now you’ve found some serious support in the rooms … the kind where you can tell them all the shitbat craziness that happens in your head without being judged.  If not. Find em’. We’re out here with just as many crazy thoughts as you have.  Difference is … we have a way to deal with them today.  Acting as if nothing is wrong when it is?  Well that … is being a baby.  People that care about themselves, well they “CARE” about themselves.

Best thing to come out of this brain in a long time was a blog I wrote over a year ago.  “Being your own best friend.” it was called.  When you have a stomach turning thought/choice/situation, what would you tell your best friend? (YES. Write it down. geeze.)  Then do THAT. Yes. Do it.  If your friend came to you and talked about being overwhelmed what would you tell her/him? TAKE A BREAK WOULD YA? And if they gave you excuses you’d say, HOW GOOD OF A MOM/EMPLOYEE/FRIEND/WHATEVER CAN YOU BE IF YOU’RE COMPLETELY BURNT? Umm. Yeah. YOU CAN’T. SO KNOCK IT OFF. Get the idea? (You could even put what would you tell your child … oh that could even be better). Point being you can’t start challenging your thinking and thereby take care of you if you’re stuck in a FOG.  Part that proverbial mist and start livin’ in truth.

If you don’t think enough of yourself to take care of you … no one else will. Be your own best friend, advocate for the amazingness that is you.  You deserve it. Stand up for your rights. Take it from this saucy sassy girl … I’ve NOT stood up for me and it’s backfired more than twice (ok too many times to count. bleck).  All the cool kids are doing it … it’s called “Being Grown”.

Take care of you. Yes. You. As for me? I will sit here with a cold washcloth on my forehead and attempt to feel human … sip ginger ale and not feel guilty about it. Much. *eye roll*.