Humility is defined by Merriam-Websters (unabridged mind you) as the quality or state of being humble. Which of course led to the definition of humble: not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive; reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission. And then, being the dictionary lover that I am, I continued with the definition of humiliation: to reduce to a lower position in one’s own eyes or others’ eyes : mortify. Why the hell is this important? Well.  I’ve heard the word humility kicked around the rooms more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes a dozen times times a dozen times.  Do we know what we’re saying? Does it mean something different to recovering people than others? Do we really know the difference between humility and humiliation? Is there one? I dunno. Let’s find out.

Humility as not proud or arrogant I totally get.  Pride can be toxic and arrogance, well that just speaks for itself methinks.  Assertiveness, (dictionary again) being bold and/or confident doesn’t seem so bad and having deference (respect and esteem due a superior or an elder; also : affected or ingratiating regard for another’s wishes) is always a fun choice.  But the word submissive makes the blondes at the back of the neck stand up a smidge.  Words are interesting no?

Most of my using was encapsulated in humiliation and my efforts to drown or hide from such a state.  I did things while drunk that could curl hair or at least make most grown folk frown simply at the mention.  Perilous, ill thought out choices wrought from sick thinking sludged into a bottle of Captain Morgan.  Yeah hitting on the neighbor as I was pissing myself at my own pool party was probably a bad choice.  So was drinking around my children. And then there was the staying in a horrifying abusive marriage. Yep. Humiliation was my bosom friend.

Flash backward years before, during the dozen plus three years of sobriety, and how I learned what humble was.  When I realized that I wasn’t the complete center of the universe and that the entire cosmos wasn’t thinking I was the worst screw up in the world. (the whole egomaniac with the inferiority complex shtick. yes. you know you’ve heard it).  That I was part of something “bigger” than me, that there even was something “bigger”, and that I not only didn’t have to have all the answers but I was praised for simply being real. Flash forward to the last two years plus of non imbibing and re-entry into the rooms?  Humility is even bigger.  Not sponsoring a gazillion girls and NOT having to comment every meeting and NOT being a circuit speaker.  Simply just being. Sober. Like a breath of fresh air baby.

Whew. Huge diff no? Step Seven  “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings” (him, her, it, they, them … it matters not … just ask).  Meaning, in deference to something bigger than me … help me change these sick things that I do, think, feel.  I’m not alpha and omega, the be all end all, I DON’T have to have all the answers and it’s okay to not be those things.  None of us are. But together we make up a colorful tapestry of recovery.  There’s magic in that. Tons.

In this sassy girl’s estimation (and I’m sure you’ll correct me if I’m wrong) being humble allows for self esteem. It allows for loving yourself and feeling good about who you are. What humility does NOT allow for is feeling superior or better than … because truly – we are all beautiful souls of the universe.  I love and like me but you know what BECAUSE I like and love me … I love and like you too.  Beauty within and beauty without.  WE make that possible. Whew.  Pretty mind blowing concept no?

So I’ll celebrate you and you me, and together we’ll embark on this journey in humility. (I’mma poet. Can’t help it.)  Humbly, arm and arm, we’ll trudge along this road of happy destiny.  That sounds familiar. Anyway, I have school lunches to prepare and love notes to write to my daughters for their first day of school.  And I’m humble enough to admit … I’m exhausted and cranky.  So with that I remain …

Humbly Yours,

SassySoberGirl