What becomes normal? Besides a cycle on a washing machine of course, normal is a relative term.  Perhaps a better way to coin it is, what becomes familiar? For years, pain and misery, self doubt and shame, hatred and bitter remorse were our constant companions.  How cool is it to wake up one day and realize … holy shitcakes … it’s gone.  Our constant companion, this “sick”; degradation, consternation, internalization of self hate … has been replaced.

Most times, we don’t even realize it’s happened.  It has become “familiar i.e. “normal” (ugh I despise that word. that’s why I’m using it – triggering my comfort zone is a healthy challenge. I shall be writing after this as to why this word makes me … all cringey. also applicable to the word “normie“. bleck. what the hell does THAT mean anyway? ) to practice recovery behaviors to the point they become innate.  Now THAT? Is damn cool right there. Remember the time when you thought you’d never ever GET this thing?  Overwhelmed and understimulated, feeling that it could never work? Okay, I’m projecting. I felt that way lots.

I’m a cognitive behavioral freak.  Meaning I work daily to address the whole “what evidence do I have to support that” line of thought.  My (I love the whole “claiming” thing we do in recovery – makes it personal yanno?) Sponso, Bff, sista in recovery and I discussed … okay I ranted she listened calmly like she does – in my mind I call her Serenity Personified – I do – cause’ she is – … the whole idea of how amazing it is to NOT see the world as a dim place.  That there’s an answer. Decrease in rigidity equals increase in equanimity (the quality of remaining calm, serene, or unruffled, esp. under stress; composure – thank you Mr. Webster). The idea that there is a way to not only recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body; but that there is a higher quality of life that can be achieved through such self discovery. I so dig that.

You know I’ve been in AA since I was nineteen, barring the year of the relapse, and a couple years before leading up to the hellish experience.  I grew up here; around the ideals, beliefs, attitudes, values, and norms presented in a 12 step recovery program.  I count myself as fortunate.  As it so happens, I have a large community of friends who aren’t in recovery. What some call “normies” (eww that word gives me shivers)  This is new also.  Before my epic-win-of-a-marriage *eye roll* I was an Addictions Counselor for nigh near a decade; and I went to meetings. All my friends were in recovery or about recovery and on a path of self discovery.  It’s all I’d known. Through and throughout a recovery focused life that I largely took for granted.  Recovery = Normal.

Now I’m introduced to the big bad world of lots of folks who don’t (or do – hell i dunno) have addiction issues, I find that the common thread of human frailty permeates all.  In the spirit of CIRCULAR THINKING, I have found that most people have a difficult time acknowledging the need to challenge their beliefs. Live a life examined. To seek out the how and the why of it all and change what needs to be changed.  I hear all the time, ANYONE can benefit from the 12 steps.  I believe that to be true.  Rigidity, all or nothing thinking appears to be a prevalent issue.  Feelings easily hurt, paranoid thinking, easily offended … well that describes lots of folks. NOT just us drunks/dope fiends.  Normies (ugh) and Drunkies and Druggies and any other groups ending in “es” have the same issues.  Not all of us talk about it the same or are taught that through the naming and claiming of such horror … some of the power can be taken away from it.

It hits me sometimes. Hard. That I’ll say something recovery style and someone NOT in recovery will retort “Wow. I’d never thought of that.” or “Dang that makes sense.” Yeah. You betcha. We have a wonderful way of life people. Don’t take it for granted.  We certainly don’t corner the market on pain, but it seems we may have found a solution for such pain – no matter what the cause.  I’m a grateful drunk tonight. A grateful woman.  No better or worse than any other person, in recovery or not.  We have such a beautiful gift.  I believe we are meant to share it with the world. By our actions and behaviors. BE an example of recovery to all around you. Live a life fully awake and play in the awareness playground. You never know when someone will need it.  We are all fellow travelers in this journey.  Give it away to keep it … but first you gotta “get” it.  That, however, is another topic entirely and would make for an excellent blog post. Hmmmm.