What an EGO that guy has. Who does she think she is? Boy she really likes herself A LOT … knowing smile … humongous ego yes? Well. No. Not really. Not in the way you think. Tonight I’d like to talk about self love and how it’s bff is the ego.

Let’s tell a little story to explain: *ahem. best mini ninja bedtime sing song voice*

• Once upon a time there were three little girls named Id, Ego, and SuperEgo. They had a really weird Uncle named Freud, who used to try to explain things to them by saying they really wanted to be boys.  They did not like Uncle very much.  

Id was footloose and fancy free, she loved to dance and play and feel good all the time with no sense of sensibility. Super-ego was the shaming sister, always on the moral high horse; the one who “tsked” her sisters when they did wrong.  And poor Ego … was caught in the middle. She was the rational sort, organized and realistic she got the three sisters out of messes which they invariably found themselves. Cinderella-esque Ego  is like a poor slave to three harsh masters: the Id (sister one), the Super-ego (sister two) , and the external world – we’ll call her the Wicked Witch of the Brain. She has to do her best to suit all three, thus is constantly feeling hemmed by the danger of causing discontent on two other sides. What to do what to do, the poor poor Ego is in a conundrum!

The Id wants to play and cares not about the consequences … the Super-Ego is worried about the “Man” and the Wicked Witch is chasing her around giving her a smack or ten for good measure.

• Uncle “Freud” had a friend (omg I’mma be sick but just read along please. i know i know. sorry *wince*) named Eckhard Tolle … who read them a bedtime story from his new book called “A New Earth”.  Now the girls DID NOT like all the metaphysical mumbo jumbo mysticism stuff … but this one particular passage made LOADS of sense.

“The extent of the ego’s inability to recognize itself and see what it is doing is staggering and unbelievable.  You need to be aware of your thoughts and emotions – as they happen. This is not really a ‘doing’ but an alert ‘seeing’. In that sense, it is true that there is nothing you can do to become free of the ego. When that shift happens, which is the shift from thinking to awareness, an intelligence far greater begins to operate in your life. Emotions and even thoughts become depersonalized through awareness. Their impersonal nature is recognized. There is no longer a self in them. They are just human emotions, human thoughts.”

Being a sensible girl the Ego said STOP!!! Let’s find out what’s best … for ALL of us (in the Land of Psyche). And she did. And they lived. The End. Or was it?

Ego gets a bad rap. Our identity and sense of self makes up who we ARE.  What’s wrong with liking who we are??? You people DO know that when folks say “She has an EGO a mile wide” they’re wrong.  What that girl they speak of has? Is low self worth.

People who like themselves have a tendency to lift others up. To make the world brighter. To be INCLUSIVE and kind.  If I like me … then I probably will like other people too.  If I can accept myself for all my flaws and foibles (ego realistic style), then it is a good likelihood that I’ll accept yours too.

Ever seen someone who “acts” arrogant? That they are “better than”? Reality is … they FEEL LESS THAN.  Think about it… hard.  With a healthy self esteem, humility is a key factor.  No better or worse than anyone else. I’m okay-you’re okay type of mentality.  The arrogant braggart is trying to convince the world and as a result themselves, that they are okay.  That in order to be “okay” it must appear that I’m am superior.

I’ve met Fortune 500 multi-billionaires that are as unpretentious as a loving child. The world at their fingertips they stop to chat and listen intently to what the rest of the world would consider the “little people”.  Conversely I’ve seen the used car salesman types (no offense jeeze) who walk as if they have a 10 foot long … bank account. Swagger with no meat to speak of.  Fail.  Too much id … not enough reality based ego.

And if we’re looking at Tolle’s definition above, the KEY to decreasing a low self view is to begin to really LOOK at our behaviors in a realistic way. (poke poke nudge nudge 4th step. 10th step. wink wink) Okay okay I’ll translate into recovery speak  … Get out of DENIAL by looking at your THOUGHTS and BEHAVIORS in a realistic way.  Make a SHIFT from being a KNEE JERK reactionary type to simple AWARENESS (5th, 6th, 7th, okay all the way to 12th steps). Oh yes and KEEP DOING IT.  Keep the irrational wants and desires of the Id at bay and decrease the shame of the super-ego … by living IN the rationality OF the ego.

K. Story time over. Healthful ego = I like me and I like you too. Unhealthful = I’m less than you so I must step on you to be okay. Or … I simply just don’t give two shits about anyone else … but that’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Histrionic features. Or plain out and out psychopathic neurosis.  As a former mental health therapist/addiction specialist, I DO know the difference.  But that’s a discussion for another day … now close your eyes and look within and WAKE UP.  Be aware. Find out who you REALLY are.

I see amazing … I hope someday you can see the same.