It’s so easy.

So easy to get in that negative mind set when it “seems” as if everyone in the world is doing it. It being the backbiting, judgmental shuffle. The negative nelly wrapped in caustic crass. Seems like the world loves to kick someone when they’re down… as if it makes us feel “better” somehow to point out the obvious pain in the life of another.

“Did you see her (fill in the blank)?”

“He’s SOOO having problems at home… did you hear what his wife did with the poolboy? Well let me tell you (fill in the blank) and then (fill in the blank) and then the doctor said she gave it to (fill in the blank)?”

“Who does she think she is showing that (blankity blank) and (blank blanky blank) to everyone in town.”

When did life become rubbernecking at pain? Speaking of someone, with good intent, to see how you can help them is one thing… but to reiterate sometimes private painful things just to make YOUR life seem less shitty = fail.

We all do it. Have done it. Will probably do it… again. Especially when someone has wronged us or we “think” they’re not doing something as they should. In recovery we learn that what other people do is none of our business; and to keep the focus on our OWN recovery.  Hit any meeting and you’ll see the sick “double speak”. You know what I mean…

“He’s not doing it right.”

“That’s not in the big book”

“He’s a 13th stepper”

“She’s not working a program”

Ugh. We must be mindful of taking other people’s inventories. In other words, if it doesn’t directly concern your recovery then keep your damn mouth shut. If you have a question that is viable, with healthful intentions… ask your sponsor. Is this correct? or I heard this and wanted to check it out with you. Names not need be… named all the time. Is it important that Suzy Sober is sleeping around? Perhaps your question could be “I’ve seen someone gettin’ their groove thing on and it seems like she’s suffering consequences. How can I best be helpful to her?”  See the diff?

Intentions. Yes the proverbial road to hell is paved with them… yadda yadda. But think about yours. Or rather what are your motives? Everyday… all the time. In every situation. This takes discipline, practice, and step work (mainly the inventory steps)

First and foremost in my mind as a recovering woman is (usually)… How can I be of service?

Today… I didn’t think that way. I indulged in rubbernecking for a brief moment; instead of walking away from the negativity I just stood and nodded and listened. And I feel dirty. I have the wisdom to know the difference and I do NOT like what being “gossipy” feels like. It’s progress however. Because it’s no longer natural for me to participate in such things. It feels like a disservice to myself as well as the person being talked about.

Fortunately I have a program of recovery that teaches me how to clean my stuff right up… so says my 10th step anyway. And tomorrow I’m going to make an amends. NOT by going and telling the person what was said (that would hurt them just to make myself feel better. big no-no.) But by telling the Nasty Nellies that I was wrong to listen… and then NOT be involved again.

Sometimes the best amends we can make is to not repeat the behavior… and simply walk away. Sober style. Man… I love recovery.