In recovery we talk an awful lot about spirituality. This has led some most to believe it’s a religious sect/cult/crazy people lovin’ the baby jeezus. Not so much. To me, as a card carrying member of 12-step-ville, it’s about awareness. Awareness that I can’t do it all by my damn self ( no matter how much i like to think i can ) and that there is something bigger than me. Call it collective consciousness, the vastness of the universe, allah/buddha/confucius/jehovah/my uncle Al; THAT is what recovery spirituality is and has been taught to me. It’s not my business what you call what, who, when, why, and where or whatever other interrogative you choose to shove down someone’s throat. I personally know more agnostics and atheists in the rooms than church goers, perhaps that fits with the adage ”you are what you hang with baby”.
Whew. THAT being said… typed… whatever, how is that inner winner of yours doing?
Are you spiritually absent or spiritually aware? Prefacing this idea of spiritual or the conscience if you’d rather with no monikers of anything. No specific god speak or whatnot. Hell, you can call it “DOORKNOB” iff’n ya want to. And certainly not the judgment pounding good/bad, right/wrong pundits in their habits of shame. What fits or what doesn’t, what works or what will not, what it is and what it could be like. What is a good fit for you anyway? Do ya know? Awareness of the inner workings of our psyche is an exercise in necessity, otherwise we’ll be the ragdoll of our ego.
Gut churning is a sign, along with a raised eyebrow or eye roll. Something is not quite right here champ, take a gander at the internal flashing lights. Inventory taking helps, as does talking with sponsor like folks or spiritual teachers worldwide. In the end, however, we shine our own light on issues far and wide and will not be moved if our heels are dug in deep.
We all know the much cited Einsteinian definition of insanity … repetition with like results equals “duh”. Beating bloody fists into the same issue over and over and over; shocked when it’s not different … this time. Why try a different choice? Why take the risk of healthiness? Replay has worked so far right? I mean doing the same things over and over is familiar and comfortable (see prior blog “Shitty Diaper” for further reference).
Spirit (gut, conscience, god, belief, karma, et cetera), won’t let us get away with it. Manifesting in a million ways it is a bitch of Jiminy Cricket; stomach pain stress levels, sweaty palms and sleepless nights lend themselves to the pounding of the “real” inside coming out. Get out the rolaids and take an ambien, it’ll be okay. Until it’s not. When the unspoken screams to be heard “STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE” bleed to the brain, then we begin the process of change.
Recovery process (those silly steps again sheesh) in essence helps us to listen to the internal mumbling by erasing all the justifications rattling our brain. No excuses leaves an open window for spiritual awareness. Meditation becomes meaningful and really listening to those around us with an open heart leads to “AHA” moments worldwide. Take a listen, write out the pro’s and con’s with a red sharpie, ask and ask and ask some more … when someone loves you enough to give their take, this time really listen.
Spiritually absent or spiritually aware?
Oh and the only cult I know about in AA are those damn donut eating people. Damn fanatics with their cream filled goodness whispering to me to eat eat eat… don’t they know my ass is already big enough tyvm? Dang. Down with the donut cult. Don’t touch the damn coffee though… I’ll hurt a person… old timer or not.