But does “IT” really get better? Now I know I’m splitting hairs here but it really got me thinking about this whole recovery process. Life is constant. Good/Bad (I despise those words but use them for common language purposes) things happen all the time, everyday, to everyone. People lose jobs or get divorced or lose their houses or get married or win the lottery or get promoted/demoted or or or … right you get the idea.

What is it about us that makes our sick minds think we’re so terminally unique? We’re not. Life happens the same way to everyone. It’s what we DO with it that matters.

Our sick thinking based in EGO tries to convince us that somehow, someway OUR lives are worse somehow… that “if you had a job/wife/husband/kids/life … like I do, you’d drink too”. That whole ‘terminal uniqueness’ quotient. Rationalizing and justifying our actions/behaviors for ONE… SINGLE… PURPOSE…

To have an excuse to use.

Poor me poor me pour me a drink. Heard that? Yes? Yes. Good.

Even “good” things are used this way. “I’m under a lot of stress. I’m getting married/promoted/buying a house/yadda yadda”. Excuses every one. This isn’t used as often as the victim mentality however. But still a justification nonetheless.

Bottom line (that I have to remember) is… Alcoholics/Addicts do NOT corner the market on pain.

Yes we’ve been through a lot. Yes much of it is self induced. But we’re not the only ones. I’ve heard horror stories that would make your ears bleed about abuse/incest/rape/torture you name it from NON-addict/alcoholics. (my years as a therapist say this is so) That’s not the reason we use. It’s not. A lot of people try to “drown their sorrow” and just… can’t… drink/use. Physically unable.

My Dad is a good example. He had a horrific childhood. No matter how much he TRIED to drink … he just couldn’t. Two beers and heave ho. This speaks to the physiological difference between people with the disease of addiction and what we sometimes call “normies”. My Dad, when I first got sober at 19, would say “I just don’t understand Amy. I had a much worse childhood than you. What excuse do you have to drink like that.” I replied, “Dad. I’m sick. My body processes alcohol differently than you. I don’t drink because of troubles… I drink and it CAUSES trouble. Life happens. I just used all that as an excuse.” (Pretty smart for 19 yes? No. Just repeating what I was taught in AA)

From a post a long time ago called Relapse aka Just the Basics that I wrote on the subject comes this quote…

Just to get our basic operating premise underway here is a brief summary of addiction per the American Medical Association’s Journal … JAMA.

We examined evidence that drug (including alcohol) dependence is a chronic MEDICAL illness. A literature review compared the diagnoses, heritability, etiology (genetic and environmental factors), pathophysiology, and response to treatments (adherence and relapse) of drug dependence vs type 2 diabetes mellitus, hypertension, and asthma. Genetic heritability, personal choice, and environmental factors are comparably involved in the etiology and course of all of these disorders. Drug dependence produces significant and lasting changes in brain chemistry and function.    Drug Dependence, a Chronic Medical Illness Implications for Treatment, Insurance, and Outcomes Evaluation  A. Thomas McLellan, PhD; David C. Lewis, MD; Charles P. O’Brien, MD, PhD; Herbert D. Kleber, MD  JAMA. 2000;284:1689-1695. 

(JAMA means the journal of the American Medical Association btw http://jama.ama-assn.org/ also www.ragingalcoholic.com has excellent information on the progression of alcoholism blah blah blah.)

“It” doesn’t get better. WE do. We may initially pick up a drink because of life circumstance (as a twelve year old girl when I first picked up a drink the only “issue” I had was puberty) but it’s NOT the reason we continue to do so.  And so that brings me back to the solution. Recovery. (I love ya) Recovery is EXACTLY how … WE get better. All of our literature agrees really.

My favorite quote from Dr. Paul’s story in the Big Book…  “I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”   pg. 449 Third Edition Alcoholics Anonymous. And then the Serenity Prayer and “the grouch and the brainstorm were not for us” (4th step directions Alcoholics Anonymous) and and and… I could go on. But you people are smart cookies. You’ve read all that yes? Yes.

Fix. You. With. The. Steps. Of. Whatever. 12. Step. Program. That. Fits. 

IT aka The rest of the world? Well that’s someone else’s problem entirely. Whew. Now isn’t that a load off your shoulders? Yeah. I write things that I need to remember too.

Your level of transparency is directly correlated with how much you like and accept yourself. Being able to be open and honest and share who you really are is refreshing beyond belief. Gone are the days of shuckin’ and jivin’ to try not to trip over the lie that you told by omission to cover your current condition. (or something like that)

There is beauty in raw truth. Much joy in the sharing of who you are without embarassment or apologies. Bubbling up from your gut… sharing all that you are without fear no matter what anyone says.

That’s much easier said than done in this world. We’re taught to be defended, to keep “safe”. What is safe really? It’s an illusion. A lie borne of a shame based society where everyone has to “be the best”. Think of all the politicians with skeletons in their closet or the gasps when something “dirty” or “scandalous” is found out about your favorite Kardashian. (bleck) Perfection is an illusion to try to appear better than everyone else. Directly correlated with EGO (in recovery-speak we say Easing God Out) it’s all about putting your best foot forward to make sure EVERYONE KNOWS you’re OKAY.

No wonder it’s so difficult for us when we first get clean. We’re taught to discard almost EVERYTHING we’ve ever known to be true. Get up and say WHAT to WHOM? Share THAT? Are you kidding me? I have to tell another person all the horrible things I’ve done/ been done to me? WHAT? I don’t know what that has to do with not drinking.

Everything. Unless and until we discover all the sick behaviors/thoughts/beliefs we have… we won’t get better. The 12 steps do this for me. Sharing with other alcoholics does this for me. And let me tell you… it’s FREEDOM.  I learned that I’m not alone. That I’m not as horrible of a person as I’ve been taught. That sharing who I really am helps me to connect with other people who are just like myself.

There was a time when I would have just died of shame to have people know my “stuff”; past discretions and painful experiences. Growing up in my house was an exercise in “keep your mouth shuttism” or “keeping up with the Romans” (as in Catholic). My family was the type that kept a choke hold on the skeleton’s in the closet and the worst thing you could EVER do was tell the family secrets. As if people didn’t know. Yeah right.

It just wasn’t talked about. Wasn’t “proper”.

Recovery has taught me a different tune. My very existence (and no I’m not exaggerating) depends on my ability to be honest and forthcoming in every area. Too many times it would have been easier to just act “as if” everything was fine… when it wasn’t. Too many times the “hiding” of my sick thinking caused so many problems.

I remember my parents coming to hear my lead back in the mid 90′s. I didn’t change it to suit them. Simply telling my story was what it always had been … and so continued to be even with them there.

My mother didn’t speak to me for three weeks…

Shame is a fear based emotion. Fear of other people’s opinions that directly impact my opinion… about me. Approval seeking never works because there will ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t… approve.  Trust me on this one. And really if everyone likes everything I say? I’m not doing it right. Do I want unhealthy people to co-sign my BS? No. Do I want to pander to others for fear of their opinion? Hell no. Do I want to live a life free of secrets and shame? ABSOLUTELY.

What other people think and do are none of my business. Seriously. All I can change is me (with the help of the 12 steps and a power greater than me ). Anything else is out of my control. And I’ve found that being unapologetically myself, with scars and flaws and defects of character and fear and and and… yeah, ME, is completely okay today. Not having to do everything right and sharing who I am is a freedom I’d not known before recovery.

You people DO realize that other people are (usually) not this forthcoming right? What a gift we have that we can share all of this… stuff.

12&12 p.59, Step Five

I mean really, how can we ever get better until we spill it. There is no room for grandiosity or inflated ego in a life well lived. No better or no worse than anyone else, but working day by day to be like a transparent glass that is always full… of recovery.

I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately about outcomes. Goals, dreams, aspirations, blah blah blah.  About making a transition to writing for a living and how I’m going to do that and where is this going to lead and omg I have to succeed at this. I had an epiphany of sorts (although of the educational variety) about how I view such things and what recovery has taught me.

Do the very best you can with what you have and don’t even think about the outcome.

Sounds simple when applying it to recovery yes? Do what’s suggested; work the steps, call sponsor-type folks, read thy recovery books of choice, go to meetings, et cetera. If you do what works … you’ll stay on the recovery roadmap. It’s just that simple. Not easy, mind you, but yes simple.  But applying this to “all” areas of my life? Ouchie. That’s where it gets complicated I complicate things.

We’re taught, in the real world (and in motivational messages), that it’s all about success. Win, win, win. Strive to be the best. Keep your eye on the prize. Kick ass and take names. Be number one. Gooooooaaaaal! It always seems, to me, that it’s all about the end result. Little, to no attention, is focused on the actual journey. How hard it is to maintain focus or the beauty in discipline or the amazing work a starving artist puts out into the world that goes unrecognized.  No one knows anything about a person until they’re a “winner”. Then they say “yadda yadda I worked hard… blah blah I failed a bunch…” But no one cares UNTIL that gold medal is around your neck. When you get your Michael Jordan-esque movie made and everyone cries because he missed X number of free throws over his career and *sniff* and *I believe I can fly* starts playing mysteriously in the background. (omg)

So we tend to get into this thought process of “WHEN” “IF” and “THEN“.  When I get this… I’ll be happy. If I win… then I’ll really be something.  That kind of thinking impacts me deeply. Even in my writing process. When I’m only worried about if people read or if it’s any good at all or analyzing data or or or … yeah, I kinda suck. My words are no longer my own and I’m in the “what do people want to hear about” schemata. When I had that whole big corporate interview thing-a-ma-bob happen (and no I didn’t get the cushy high paying corporate job where I wouldn’t have to worry about heating my house for the winter or having enough money to go around. probably a good thing anyway. okay i’m sure it was a good thing I didn’t get it.) I did that whole freaking out about the outcome thing. It was rather unpleasant. I forgot who I was. And seeing that I LIKE who I am, it was epic suck-age. I wrote differently; censored myself and was NOT in my creative space. Not even a little.

Recovery teaches me differently. That focus being placed DIRECTLY on the journey. On this moment. On the “right now”. On the taking time to appreciate the beauty of the struggle. To recognize and verbalize that when we see it in others. Not so much the outcome but how amazing it is that we’re even ON THE ROAD… to recovery.  Yes we still have goals but it’s in the MEANS to the end where the focus is placed. (gawd I hope this makes sense.)

Or to bring it to an even deeper level… we’re okay no matter what. Sort of a shift in thinking that tells me “you are amazing because you ARE” not so much “you are amazing because you do this for a living or make this much money.” I love that about the program. When we all walk into the rooms something magical happens. There is this great “equalizer”; in which we aren’t seen for what we DO, we’re seen for who we ARE. (how freakin’ awesome and rare is THAT?)

Medals tarnish, fortunes are made and lost in an instant, fifteen minutes of fame is just that… an increment of time. Contracts are broken, shows are cancelled, fame and fortune can come and then go as quickly as a Kardashian marriage. If I base my self worth on ‘achieving’ all the damn time then I’m rather missing the point. The truly successful folks out there with longevity know this also; it’s about being CONSISTENTLY WHO YOU ARE. The rest will fall into place. Always in all ways.

Cherish the journey for that is where character is made. Flash in the pans who talk the talk come and go, but the ones with quiet determination and gratitude are the ones I’m yearning to walk with… “trudging this road of happy destiny.” (leave a comment with that BB page number and I’ll buy you a coffee and we’ll chat via webcam. mean it.)

There are moments like this when it hits me like a ton of bricks… how effin’ LUCKY we are to be able to CREATE OURSELVES, through vigilant recovery work, every single day. That to me… is the biggest indicator of success.  I love you people and as always… I love recovery.

It’s National Recovery Month… huh? What does THAT mean exactly? Well according to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse And Mental Health Administration) it’s this…

National Recovery Month (Recovery Month) is a national observance that educates Americans on the fact that addiction treatment and mental health services can enable those with a substance use or mental disorder to live a healthy and rewarding life. The observance’s main focus is to laud the gains made by those in recovery from these conditions, just as we would those who are managing other health conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, asthma and heart disease.  Recovery Month spreads the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, that prevention works, treatment is effective and people can and do recover.

Ah that whole awareness thing. Gotcha. And oddly enough in ALL the recovery circles I run around in… I’ve not heard tons about this. Pity. Although I suppose that those already IN recovery don’t really need it seeing as EVERY month is recovery month. For those who don’t know about recovering people… or what addiction is or how to treat it? Yeah. Great.  Maybe this is why…

Celebrated during the month of September, Recovery Month began in 1989 as TreatmentWorks! Month, which honored the work of the treatment and recovery professionals in the field. The observance evolved to National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month (Recovery Month) in 1998, when the observance expanded to include celebrating the accomplishment of individuals in recovery from substance use disorders.  The observance is evolving once again in 2011, to include all aspects of behavioral health and will now be known as National Recovery Month (Recovery Month).

Ah. Right. A month that started as atta boys for counselors (hey I was one for nearly ten years… no shame in givin’ peeps high fives for that) to nine years later celebrating the individuals IN recovery from substance abuse disorders… to EVERYONE and all forms of “behavioral health”.

Great. Right? Cheers and hoopla and whatnot for SAMHSA. Or not. Yeah I’mma catch flack for this one. Don’t really care.

I AM NOT A FAN OF THIS.

Why? Umm. Let’s see. Google our fantastic “Administration” (or because I heart you click the link above) and what does it say? Well besides a lot of pretty words it says… BEHAVIORAL… a lot. It also says MENTAL ILLNESS in conjunction with SUBSTANCE ABUSE. Bleck. and double BLECK. (since we’re going with the whole caps thing)

Man look… the only substance I ever “abused” was the one that I didn’t finish. Abuse. Paugh. I loathe that word. Abuse is like saying that there was a choice in the matter. The Big Book tells me when it comes to alcohol I’ve “lost the power of choice” and I “can’t differentiate the true from the false“. Physical malady with a mental twist of rotten lime chaser.

Do I sound bitter? Probably. Do I have reason? Yep. As a former Addictions Counselor, I spent the majority of MY time (during staff meetings) hashing it out with other “professionals” who believed that Addiction was a Mental Disorder. That if you got to the “core” issue (mommy and daddy not loving you as a child) then you wouldn’t be an addict any more). And NO, I’m not kidding. And I got a bit heated. Why?

Because that goes against everything we learn in 12 step land. We are “physically and mentally different than our fellows“. (it’s in the Big Book. Look it up.) Yes we have a “peculiar mental twist” but once we pick up a drink/drug/needle/blunt/pipe/syringe/pill… something is different in us than other people.

If having a BAD childhood is a requirement for addiction… there’d be a HELL of a lot more people in the rooms.

Now I could go on a huge dissertation about how the American Medical Association has listed alcoholism/drug addiction as a physical disease. But I won’t. You can read about it HERE (Relapse Part Uno… or just the basics Ma’am) That’s the premise I work(ed) under. Because it is TRUTH.

The words substance abuse and mental illness in conjunction with who WE are? It pisses me straight off.

So thanks for your National Recovery blah blah blah… but yeah. It’s not for US. It’s for all the treatment providers in the world to pat themselves on the back for working with us “poor addicts”. Thanks. Really. Raise awareness for treatment (it does work if you have the right providers see a list at In The Rooms… they know the good ones) but don’t make it out like it’s for us. Cause’ it isn’t.

A site that I like? A lot? Sure. NICD. National Institute of Chemical Dependency. Booya. Cause that’s what the hell it is… physiological AND mental dependency. (Screw the word ABUSE. pffft.) These cats know what’s up yo. ANY site that lists these at HOT topics for prevention AND treatment… is cool in my book.

HOT TOPICS & RESOURCES

Addiction Resources

ADASK (Alcohol and Drug Addiction Survival Kit): Is a series of articles and resources geared towards parents and others dealing with the devastation of alcoholism and drug addiction.

Alcoholism and Drug Addiction Videos

Drug Pictures

Street Drug Slang Terms

Paraphernalia

Signs & Symptoms of Drug / Alcohol Use

Step Work

Relapse Prevention

http://www.nicd.us/findyourhp.html

Find National State to State Halfway Houses

Treatment Center Finder

Yeah. Lots different. And oh… if you go to the site itself? Note the top of the page where it says…

No God = No Peace / Know God = Know Peace

For a national organization to put that on their site? They know recovery. So… SAMHSA? Keep your “abuse” word and contemplate how great your recovery programs are helping “people like us”. Atta boy yourselves for a job well done. Any treatment program worth two shits helps people understand what they’re dealing with, gets them out of their using environment, and then pushes 12 step or alternative support groups. Yes there are mental issues that are addressed but they are listed as BARRIERS TO RECOVERY… NOT CAUSES OF ADDICTION.

HUGE EFFIN’ DIFFERENCE PEOPLE.

I would say sorry for the rant. But I’m not. I loved being a counselor/therapist, and I have pretty strong beliefs about what works and what doesn’t. Some treatment facilities get it (usually with most of the staff themselves being in recovery) some just DO NOT. Let’s support the ones that do… the sites that DO… the organizations that DO… because us “poor folks who abuse substances”? Well we’re some smart m-effers and with the help of treatment professionals who get IT as well as “the rooms”, we handle our bizness… thank you very much. Seventy plus years of 12 step programs thriving says this is so.

I don’t abuse shit. I… am an addict.

And while you’re patting yourself on the back SAMHSA? I (and those like me) am working with the newcomer who doesn’t give a DAMN about National RECOVERY Month. They just don’t want to die. Same as me. Perhaps all that money you’re spending on fliers and advertising could go to folks who need a damn treatment BED. Just sayin.

I love recovery.

Disclaimer: All the words listed in italics above are quotes directly from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you find them and email (soberandsassy@yahoo.com) me… I’ll take you out for coffee. Or I’ll send you a gift card and we can webcam drinking it together and shoot the shit recovery style. (I’m not kidding) Tell a girl. 

It’s more of who you ARE (on the inside) than what you DO on the outside… that people will remember.

Think differently than the rest… you are an original. Sheep-ism is so last week.

Know that no matter what… you are valuable.

There is a learning curve, you do NOT have to be all things to all people.

If you wouldn’t say it to a friend… don’t say it to yourself.

It takes what it takes, until it takes something different. There is no one road in life.

This isn’t about grades, it’s about doing the very best you can with what is in front of you. We don’t all start from the same spot.

For every negative thing you tell yourself, tell yourself five positives. Pretty soon your head will get tired of challenging itself.

Your love for you and your love for others should be equal; balance is the key. Problems happen when we lean too far one way or the other.

As long as you’re doing the work, everything will all fall into place.

You are not always the most qualified to critique yourself. Self doubt is a pain in the tuckus. Get a couple of opinions before passing judgment.

Learn to receive as gracefully as you give.

You… are never alone.

So I got my knickers twisted. Or rather should I say … my issues with the stigma surrounding addiction were tripped. That’s not a bad thing. If we don’t support each other and help to educate the world … then statements like GaGa’s (listed below) will continue to be misunderstood. I don’t personally care for the GaGa chick all that much, but her compassion for an alcoholic… it touched me.

I read an interesting article today in Addiction Magazine about Lady GaGa commenting on Amy Winehouse passing away. Her words were this:

“She’s really special.  She just gave me a lot of hope and she deserved a lot better than what people gave her. And I hope that the world learns a lesson from this. I really hope they do. Because it’s not her lesson to learn – it’s the world’s.” Lady Gaga on Amy Winehouse (Lady Gaga Says Amy Winehouse Deserved Better,http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/exclusive-lady-gaga-says-amy-winehouse-deserved-better-20110802 (Retrieved 8/02/11 at 4:17 pm)

I was asked to speak at a meeting. Share my story. You know the experience, strength, hope thingy that’s part of our 12 step work. Yeah. It just so happened that on that night… I had a sick babygirl with a fever well over 100 degrees, I worked late, it was so hot any makeup I put on melted right off, and my hair was reminiscent of a wet poodle with hairspray. (I’m not even kidding)

I didn’t want to go. An hour drive there and back. SOOO much on my plate that I needed four of me to break even.

I went anyway. Because that’s what I have to do to stay sober. Without my sobriety all the “stuff” wouldn’t even be there to worry about. My children, home, job, health… yeah. Without my recovery, I would care less about any of the things I cherish so much today. I even made it a point to make plans to pick a woman in recovery up to take with me, for accountability’s sake. (Damn that accountability. Thorn in my side. pffft.)

And something amazing happened. All the stress and trauma and drama (self created of course) of life melted away. Literally.

I knew maybe two people at the meeting but they were as friendly as if I’d known them for years. When we said the serenity prayer, focus and clarity and calm came and I was able to see; for the first time in months… what was really important.

One thing I know to be true as a recovering woman; I don’t always know what’s best for me. So when you’re asked to do something in recovery, NO is not an option unless extreme barriers block you from fulfilling the obligation. Yes I would have rather been with my sick child, or obsessing over how far I’m behind in my writing, or new jobs hovering on the horizon; but my happy ass needed to be right where it was.

Miracles are waiting around every turn. Even the miracle of serenity. Don’t deprive yourself of such things… answering YES, when all you want to say is NO, makes it so. What does the “want to” have to do with it anyway? There are still many instances where what I WANT … isn’t the best solution for this sick chick. When I hear folks say “you have to have the WANT TO” I think to myself, “Nah. It’s more of the do it especially if you DON’T wanna”. That to me? Is recovery.

Be well my friends and thank you for keeping me sober. And as always … I LOVE RECOVERY.

So now that some truly amazing things are happening for me, things that I have to pinch myself over, I find that little magical voice chiming in again.  You know the one … the “you’re not good enough” BS.  Internal messages taught so long ago that even though I’ve dug through my psyche with a fine tooth comb … the remnants remain. Chronic ‘when is the other shoe gonna drop-ism’. I know ya feel me.

I have been approached with an opportunity to change my entire life. (not allowed to say what. yet. you’ll be the first to know though. promise.) That could mean some serious financial independence for the ninjas and myself. Now fear of economic insecurity has left me … but I’ll be damned if I’m not afraid of economic SECURITY. Good grief.

Part of recovery is learning how to accept gifts. Things that we’ve worked hard for and now are coming to fruition. It can’t stay skid row ALL the time people. If we do the work and are consistent and diligent … amazing things happen. And quite possibly we deserve them? I’ve heard it said that “if I got what I deserve I’d have been dead long ago”. I don’t buy it. My core belief stems from the idea that we ALL can have a chance at joy, each and every one of us. It’s in the having the eyes to see, through recovery, that I am able to feel worthy.

It’s a work in progress. So how about this? Let’s all practice identifying and allowing some joy in our lives … minus the doubting thomas routine. K? K. I know happy can be scary but I think, if we hold hands and look both ways, we just might make it. Together. You betcha.

Ever walked into a meeting and felt like you were home? How bout the opposite? Walked into a meeting and felt unwelcomed and like you didn’t belong? Like you walked right into the middle of Recovery Clique central? Now. I know what you’re gonna say … there are no strangers only friends we haven’t met yet. Right. I get that whole common bond thingy. And I buy it … to an extent. But there IS a difference.

Now I’ve been to meetings all over the U.S. … literally. And 99% of the time I feel a huge sigh of relief like I’m home. People are speaking my language and “get me”. However … when I relocated … I’ve found that there are some meetings that might not … fit. And that’s okay. No judgment here. Just identification. Pure and simple.

And then I hear the words of my old sponsor in my head. “Who ever said you had to LIKE it. This is life and death here sister.” Yes I get that and believe that wholeheartedly. But why is it that you “go” to certain meetings and not others? Best fit right? Right. It’s not to say that the other meetings are BAD. I don’t believe in that. I simply like going to meetings where I can relate a tiny bit better. Where I got sober there were multiple meetings per day … morning noon night … I could hit a lunch meeting or a even a meeting before work. There were several meetings at night and I could choose from speaker versus discussion (my favorite) or big book meetings.

I was spoiled.

There was a smorgasbord of recovery to pick from and I went to meetings nearly every single day for well over a decade. I loved it. There were activities and conferences and campouts and dances and going out for the meeting after the meeting til 2 AM at the local restaurant. Sigh. I miss those days. Didn’t know how good I had it really. Where I live now … there is one meeting a night usually. Two if your lucky. One morning meeting on Saturday and a couple few discussion meetings.

Ahem. Talk about a change.

However not all change is a bad thing. Being spoiled isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Truly how can we practice healthy recovery behaviors if we’re always around people healthier than us. That is why it’s SO important to work with the newcomer. So what if you’re in a meeting that’s made up of 95% newcomers? Be the best five percent you can be. Remember you are not responsible for the outcome and honestly the whole goal is for YOU to stay sober.

Find support from other places (like here. TADA.) But still get your ass to meetings. You are responsible you know. (you people do know I’m talking to myself right? right. moving along. *blush*) Fitting in is overrated anyway and it’ll do your ego some good to be looked at like an alien once in a while. Serious ego deflation when you’re used to head nodding to get blank stares and “wtf’s” when talking about stepwork. Trust me. H-U-M-I-L-I-T-Y.

The main purpose of a meeting is to not drink/use. To always get what you need? That’s the gravy. It’s all about showing up and being present in recovery. So you don’t get the touchy feely fellowship feeling from the meetings around you right now … I bet you that one day you’ll find someone walking through those doors that thinks like YOU. That you can bond with and get all that warm and fuzzy malarky from. Truly remember what you’re there for… recovery. And ask yourself … what are your expectations anyway? (holy crap i need to do an inventory. gah.)

So now that I’ve lectured myself for a few minutes … I need to work on my gratitude.        And remember … that not everyone should be where I think … they should be. My only job? Is to keep coming back. Who ever in the whole time you’ve been in these rooms said that “liking” was a requirement anyway. Gawd. I’m off to 10th step. I wonder if anonymously sent big books would be an appropriate amends to a meeting? Perhaps I should just keep on being the me that I am and irritate everyone by talking about the solution with my happy self. Hey. It helps me not get drunk. I’m down with it. Besides … standing out from the crowd is NOT always a bad thing  *big smile*

Ever heard the phrase, when we start using we stop growing emotionally.  So basically look at the age you first began using and that’s EMOTIONALLY where you’re starting from when you get sober/clean.  Scary eh? A bunch of teenagers trying to navigate the social world.

Except that many teenagers have learned coping skills through the natural progression of adolescence.  How to deal with the difficulties presented in their peer groups; healthy self esteem, playing nice with others, how to act with integrity, value identification, how to deal with peer pressure (I could go on for days here but I won’t.)

Kinda puts things in perspective yes?  That we are emotionally immature with little/few coping skills, trying our best to overcome a disease that’s trying to kill us.  This is a large part of our “sick”.  Ever dealt with a saucy teenager who is freaking out about pretty much … everything??? Right. Difficult is putting it mildly.  When we grow up … there is a factor of “pain” involved.  Hence the term growing pains. Get it? Got it? Good.

Remember this when dealing with the newcomer. If you ARE the newcomer … be gentle with yourself you’re still an awkward growing gangly teenager way deep down inside.  I sorta like the idea of that really – the perpetual fountain of youth from the inside out.  (0kay you know I was being sarcastic. I hope. Sheesh.)

What does emotional maturity mean? Growing up. No more foot stomping hollering “It’s not fair!”. Well you CAN do those things but it won’t get you far in a healthy recovery community.  Stepwork is vital.  In a way the steps teach us in a clear concise way what a large portion of the world learned while battling the initial onslaught of acne … and then some.

• How to focus on yourself and your own problems. As MOM would say … “Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. If everyone else jumped off a bridge would you do it to?”
• Don’t overreact. MOM-ism “Quit being so dramatic. How important is it?”
• Ask a power greater than you for help. MOM says “You don’t know everything.”
• Humility (no better or worse than anyone else). MOM: “You are NOT the center of the universe child. Everyone is NOT staring at you because you’re goofy looking. People have their own lives to worry about.”
• Apply the principles learned to ALL your affairs. MOM : “Act right because it’s simply the next *right* thing to do. Not just when someone’s watching. Be who you really are. I love you.”

Okay I just almost made myself cry with that last one. Good grief. Recovery as parental teachings with the additional benefit of non-judgment. Boy do I like the idea of that. And a kind gentle real loving recovery mom. Which is what I strive to be every single day to my daughters. This blog post was rather revealing … as it usually tends to be for this recovery chick. Just goes to show you when you give it away … you keep it.

I love… recovery.