I Love Recovery » MTV

In The Rooms New Year’s Party

sassysobergirl — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 23:49:38 +0000

In The Rooms. New Year’s Day. Come visit, chat, laugh … bring in the 2010 sober style. Off to a clean bang. After snoozin talk about no usin … be clean and serene … the crap is over let’s celebrate sober … far from usin’ there’s no losin’ … no more thinkin’ let’s stop drinkin? Ok, ok, ok … I’m making myself sick here. The point is that ITR is trying to see how many people can sign in on New Year’s Day.

Per the boys in the loft (also known as RT, MrClean, and TheDotMack):

We’re trying to break a record of how many people can be logged in at the same time on January 1st! Be the 1000th Person to be online while 999 others are on at 1PM EST on Jan. 1st 2009, and win a $50 Starbucks Gift Card!

So come on ovah I’ll be there. Message me and I’ll harass you personally! Well at least for a little while. I have an interesting New Year’s planned (oh baby do I ever!) And I’m planning on winning the coffee … besides being a word whore, I’m also a coffee fiend. Bottom line: let’s bring in the New Year together. I’ll wear cotton candy lip gloss at the kissing booth …

live like we’re dying – Kris Allen

sassysobergirl — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 22:06:36 +0000

Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There’ll no one on the line

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh – like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live – like we’re dying

We never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash until it’s head on
All those people right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start livin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh – like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Live like we’re dying

Song of the Day 11/2: Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek

admin — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:10:53 +0000

Song of the Day 11/02:City & Colour- Casey’s Song

admin — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:02:06 +0000

My Best Friend Mal & the Song of the Day 10/22: Pink- Who Knew?

admin — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:56:47 +0000

This song describes my life perfectly at one point in time. Even know I relate to it. About two years ago, my best friend, and sometimes love interest, Mallory overdosed and died at my house. I was the one who found her. That event was probably the most traumatizing and hardest thing emotionally, that I have had to deal with up until this point in my life. After Mal died, I stayed clean for about two months, then I much like many of us, though I could just drink and smoke pot. I promised myself for her that I would never do anything else. Well the funny thing about being an addict is that most promises are broken thanks to our disease. I soon began a downward spiral that lead me to my worst bottom, on the one year anniversary of her death. Broken, desperate, and alone, I sat in a jail cell on the anniversary crying, heartbroken, and pleading for God to either kill me or give me some guidance. I felt such guilt for her death. My disease and just the situation made me feel like I was responsible. Why didn’t I check on her sooner? Why didn’t I notice her breathing was shallow? Why when I thought something was not right did I not do anything? When I entered treatment last year two days after her anniversary, I realized I had to deal with this, and accept this as God’s will, because if I didn’t it was going to kill me.

This song is one that always seems to come on when I need it. It is much like when I am struggling with something and I go to a meeting, and the topic is just what I needed to hear. This song describes our relationship. Mallory and I used together, we were like a mixture of storms and both of our diseases brought us to a dark place, where it was going to be me or her. Sometimes I hate that it was her, but God needed her there and me here. Today I stay clean for me, but also for Mal. She was the first person in my life who taught me how to actually look at myself and like myself. We shared stories, and feelings, and in the end we both just wanted to be loved. She impacted my life in so many ways, and now that I am in recovery, I honor her life by staying clean and working steps and continuing to live this beautiful life. I sometimes can’t believe that it happened. I forget sometimes. Thanks to steps and meetings I am now able to celebrate her life, not mourn her death. I have acceptance that this is what was meant to be, and if I try to fight it, I will just get caught up in the ugliness of the disease.

And I keep your memory, you visit me in my sleep. My darling, who knew?

Song for the Day 10/22: King Of Leon- Use Somebody

admin — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:29:06 +0000

This song reminds me that when I am in a place that I don’t know what to do, or how to deal that I have people in the rooms. People who have experience, strength, and hope, and can help me through life’s struggles and remain clean and sober through it.

Song for Today: Pink- Sober 10/19

admin — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:02:33 +0000

Pink- Sober

Lindsay Lohan- Active Addiction in the Public Eye

admin — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:33:26 +0000

So if you haven’t noticed yet, I do have a small obsession with celebrities. Being in recovery now it has become quite easy to spot a celebrity who has addict behaviors. I have been quite a fan of Lindsay Lohan since her debut to Hollywood in Disney’s Parentrap. Her appeal was instant, she was from around the same area as me, and she just had this on screen presence that made her likable. As her success continued and her star rose the monster that is the paparazzi became an everyday occurence in her life. Soon after my addiction became truly dangerous, stories of her using would leak throughout various media outlets.

After two DUI’s and three trips to rehab, all before she was 23, the former A-list actress is now headed for a place that many of us in recovery can relate to. According to various media outlets, she is so afraid of being alone that she will do just about anything to make sure there is someone with her at all times. You can almost see the desperation in her eyes in recent pictures. I read about her partying, and fear of being alone, and popping various pills at anytime, and driving hours out of the way to get coke, and I identify with her. Who knew right? That someone that famous could be going through the same feelings as myself. That solidifies this disease for me.

For me it took me loosing literally every single thing in my life, whether it was a posession or a person. It seems that Lindsay is coming to that point. Her longtime on and off girlfriend Samantha Ronson, a dj, has given up and cut off communication with Lindsay because of her using. How many of us know what that’s like? To have a parent or best friend or significant other say ‘its the drugs or its me’ ? To have to go through hitting a bottom in front of the world has to be so terrifying. For myself to break the denial of my behavior was hard enough, but imagine having it on the cover of every magazine and celebrity gossip column?

I have had a few friends go out and relapse since being close, and in active addiction, I lost my best friend Mallory to this disease. Her using was much like Lindsay’s. When you rarely have consequences, how do you hit a bottom without being six feet under when you do? I personally fear that the fact that Lindsay is a celebrity and has endless supplies of drugs and money for the moment may be the thing that ends up killing her. Even through probation and arrests, there really hasn’t been one true consequence for her using yet. I think we all should keep her in our prayers, she needs them. Let’s have hope that she can see the path of recovery and choose it before it is too late.

Gone Too Far or Too Far Gone?

admin — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 18:58:05 +0000

This is my first post and I have decided to write on being young in recovery, and relating it to the MTV documentary series “Gone Too Far” a project started by the late DJ AM . This series really hits home for me. Being twenty-two and having just about a year clean, this show follows young addicts in active addiction, as DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, in his journey to lead them into recovery. It is tragic that in the midst of this project, Goldstein himself fell to the disease of addiction and relapsed and lost his life after nine years of sobriety. His death has shown the power of the beast, and how easily one can fall back into the grips of addiction.

Watching shows about addiction can sometimes really bother me. I don’t know if it is that I see myself so perfectly in this active addicts, or if my disease thrives on the using taking place. I remember to say a prayer and thank my Higher Power for the gift of desperation, because without it I truly believe many of us would not make it to these rooms. I know at least for me, without feeling completely empty I would have never wanted to feel even a little full.

This show provides a true realistic view of the struggle of addiction and how it is truly hard for people like me, young kids to really want to get clean. I know for myself at least, there is a stigma that my generation has created that we use get messed up to celebrate things, and that drinking and partying is an everyday normal occurance. This is where I find it hard to want to become a productive member of society. How are we supposed to stay clean and become productive members of society, when our society goes completely against what we have to fight against to stay alive in this world. Am I the only one that feels this way? Like I know for me, when all of my friends and myself went to college, partying and drinking on the weekends was expected. I think that is a really hard thing to get past that makes it hard for the younger people to get clean and stay clean.

When it comes to the point of desperation, like you will find with Amy in the first episode of “Gone Too Far”, being young and having pressure and support from families makes it somewhat easier to get clean. I find that the hard part is being able to be 22, and have the greater majority of my age group going to bars on the weekends and drinking before football games. For me that was how my life was until I began to use drugs. I had to loose a lot of things, destroy many relationships to get to the point where I was either going to die, or I had to do something. I can imagine that for many young addicts this choice doesn’t come until we are so scared of life and for our lives that we have to do something. My hardest struggle isn’t craving heroin anymore; it is having to watch as my old friends can get drunk on the weekends, and celebrate holidays with a glass of wine. I had friends who used certain drugs just about the same as me, but I stole my mother’s jewlery for it, where they stopped.

After watching this episode of “Gone Too Far”, I really remember where my journey in using took me. It began with the drinking, then the smoking, then the snorting, then the shooting. I couldn’t stop, and as much as I want that social life associated with partying, my life is far too precious for me to risk it. I can definitely thank intherooms.com for giving me a place to find other people like myself, who are young and struggling with the idea of being completely clean and sober for the rest of our lives. What do you guys think?? Catch ya next time San Diego.