Who exactly ARE these “winners” that everyone keeps talking about sticking with??? I mean really… how do you know who to talk to or whom you should run the hell away from? People can appear to be anything they choose …  at first. Appearances are deceiving and talk is a cheap 10 dollar hooker who looks great from a distance.  I’ve made the mistake several times (those who know me are nodding EMPHATICALLY right now) of being very trusting … but only to a point.  Always, always, and again I say foghorn leghorn style ALWAYS … something, on the gut level, told me to be careful. People in the 12 step world will OFTEN spout stick with the winners. Even the “losers” (opposite of winners … I would prefer “sickers” but hey … parameters) will say these golden words with a sickly silver tongue.  My take on what attributes to avoid and what ones to look for in connections with people … not only recovery but everywhere.

We will start with the obvious and move to the more abstract here people.  Ass grabbing, asshattery, know-it-all, negativity seeping through the skin tight jeans. Judgmental, holy roller, sad sack, nothing is right with the world and all it’s denizens. Shifty, sketchy, “let’s have coffee at my place cutie”, used car salesman (offense intended) greasy, gossipy bitter betty’s laughing at the new girl with thick black eyeliner (yeah that was me bitch … and I ain’t new NO mo’).  Angry, zealot, yelling, in your face spittle, with a shame chaser for not doing what “they say”.The idea of being genuine. Too much happy, too much angst, too much of TOO much. Well, it’s just too much.  No one can be one way all the time – warning wil robinson danger approaches!

NOW … having said all that garbage. I’m really okay with people being that way. It’s where they’re at and most times they don’t perceive their actions with clarity … I mean we’re always the last to know … yanno?  I, like many others, have the eyes to see with compassion and let people “be” where they are.  It wasn’t always so … when I was new I trusted and trusted and trusted and OUCH.  So let this old scarred burned hand tell you from having the experience of touching the stove one too many times … what healthy can look like.  (Paraphrased from my first sponsor back in 92)

Kind, content, non-judgmental but firm, compassionate and sincere, never hear a bad word about a person (thick eyeliner or no).  Comments from the heart whether they be angry, sad, happy, or silly.  Easy to laugh and non drama making, cross talking and ego left at the door. No need for accolades, acts of kindness unspoken, gentleness with a ninja kick added for good measure.  Closemouthedness, keepin’ the real, not afraid to say the bad of the shitty day but quick to say how to resolve it.  Genuine and wise, sage lessons given freely without expectation.  The knowing that sponsorship is NOT ownership and people make their own choices.  Content in their skin without anything needed from you, unconditional love for the still suffering, slicing through shame like a hot knife in buttah.  The first one to approach the unapproachable, hand outstretched.  Sometimes these people are disliked for not playing the game. They are okay with that.  Self esteem wins out in the end. They don’t spout the steps, they live them, word and deed… life and breath.

Most of us fall in the middle somewhere I’d imagine. Work in progress, have a bad day or ninety, tough times, blah blah blah. But the phrase “Stick with the winners.” says to me that even if my ship is sinking, I can look for the hand that is love without condition, stuck out JUST BECAUSE they’ve been there too.  I see people bitchin’ all the time about sick people at meetings … you will find what you seek everytime. Focus on sick … that’s what you’ll get. Look for the bright… boomerang baby there’s the light.   What you focus on becomes reality… truly.  So eyes open and use this page for reference if need be. Checklist available upon request.  Trust your gut, deep way down. That’s where the real is … it will spot kindred spirits every time.   Next time we’ll discuss saying “Hi. My name is…”

So. We get sober/clean.  We go to meetings, get a sponsor, do stepwork … all the necessaries.  What now? How in the sam hell do I have FUN and not use?  All my receptor sites, gut level instincts, behaviors, and attitudes have focused on using for so long that fun seems to be a distant memory.  I used to see people laughing easily, totally comfortable with who they are, doing cheezy things like bowling or dancing; and think “How are they doing that?”.  I mean really.  NOT being messed up and doing really silly things with no inhibitions? They’ve got to be lying about their clean time. I mean OMG.

Then I got involved with young people’s conferences, Founders Day (being from Akron), sober dances, dry clubs, parties and on and on… and so on and so forth.  There is never a dull moment if you choose it that way. Within your vicinity right now, there are plans a brewin’. For clean dances, card parties, bonfires, conferences to liven up the deepest of the winter blahs. The secret here is INVOLVEMENT. Being part of a 12 step fellowship, means just that. Fellowshipping. Camaraderie in the form of shared pain and loss mystically transformed into laughing kinship and love.  In my meetings we say,

But we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. ~Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 132

It may seem hopeless.  We can’t go from rippin it up from dusk til dawn to sitting at home and knitting a flippin’ doily on a Saturday night. Get into it! Jump in the middle of the fellowship and see what happens. I know it’s scary sometimes. Trust me … getting sober as a young person was freaky.  I thought “I’ll never have fun again.” Man was I wrong.  If you’re bored in recovery then you need to open your eyes to whats out there. Camp outs and bar-b-ques and people playing their music stuff; skinny dipping sober (shhh about that one, that’s really between me and my sponsor), the satisfaction of laughing so hard after an all night sober party that my stomach is sore for days after. YES!!! It can SOO be like that.  Plan to hit an NA convention (from what I hear they’re EVERYWHERE),  go to Founder’s Day in June,  or international AA convention in Texas this summer, copy and paste this link into your browser and DO SOMETHING for sober’s sakes.

http://www.anonymousone.com/activities.htm

Love and laughter and joy and peace. You’ll find it here. So what if you’re afraid? We ALL were. Remember that everyone you meet in the rooms was new at one time. WE GET IT. So when we reach our hand out to you … know that it’s done by one who “gets” you. In a way no one else can know.

Kick your heels up. There’s a time for tears and doin’ the work but also a time to shake your groove thing, laugh your ass off, be silly and playful and sing bad karoake songs. We’ll laugh with you until our tummies ache. You’re not alone anymore and remember Rule 62 from the book The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions page 149,

“Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

Ever play that game as a kid? You know the one where you list the things you’re taking from the alphabet and have to remember them all? Yeah. I’m playing that game right now in my head. Except it’s not a game. I’m sorting through the idea (which made me quite nervous actually) that for the FIRST time in a VERY long time… I’m going out into the world.

Not only out into the world but more importantly to New York City to hang with some amazing people. None of which, to my knowledge, are in recovery. And they’re going to party like only cool kids can. And I’m honestly okay with that. Except for one little thing…

I thought… Am I even going to fit in with these people? I mean sure I write and they seem to like it well enough… but I don’t drink. Not only do I not drink, I’m a recovering alcoholic. For me to pick up again is tantamount to going back to that insanity from which I came. And no I have no desire to pick up. I’ve inventoried my inventories and am in a good spot.Wanna know why?

Cause’ I told on myself. I told my sponser and my boyfriend (who’s amazingly supportive and wonderful btw) that I was nervous. Not about the drinking but that I maybe wouldn’t be “as cool” or “fit in”. I told them that I wondered if people would think me “odd” for not drinking.

Sounded silly as soon as I said it out loud. Only a self centered drunk would think that way. As if anyone else will give a rat’s ass what I do or when. Silly yes? Yes.

But honestly I’m GLAD my head thinks that way. I’m GLAD that recovery is always at the forefront of my mind. I’m GLAD that I know myself well enough to tell on that stupidity to show it for what it really is… my sick thinking. My “not good enough”-ism.  My fear. Oh man was my 10th step a big one tonight.  An example? Sure. Why not. The more I tell on myself the better off I am. Ego is an illusion. 

What am I afraid of? People thinking I’m odd because I don’t party.

Where am I selfish dishonest self seeking and afraid?

• Selfish: I want all these people to think and act MY way (to think I’m cool omg I can’t believe I’m even typing this out loud. ffs.)
• Dishonest: I hadn’t told anyone (until today) 
• Self Seeking: Acted as if I wasn’t nervous.
• Afraid: of other people’s opinions. 

So I remind myself (as others have reminded me as well) I am a confident woman in recovery who can hang with the best of them. I also have loving people in my life who don’t think I’m an idiot … even if I think what I say sounds stupid. And… I told on my head which in turn took care of any nagging sick snippets of fail in my noggin. NOW… I’m all packed. Physically and mentally.

Always always ALWAYS… TELL ON YOURSELF. No matter if it sounds stupid or not. Then, if you’re anything like me, you can laugh at yourself a little and let yourself be happy that you have somewhere to go … that’s fun and uber cool. NYC here I come

I’m going on a trip and I’m taking my:

(Happy) Ass.

Big Book.

Comfort zone.

Directions to a meeting in the Big Apple …

yeah. I think you get the idea.

I love you people… thanks for listening to all the silliness I put out here every week. My world is an infinitely more beautiful space because of you and oh yeah I almost forgot…  I LOVE RECOVERY. 

If you’ve ever been to an “anonymous type” meeting, you’ve probably heard about this strange word called acceptance.  Dictionary.com defines as “the act of taking or receiving something offered.  favorable reception; approval; favor. the act of assenting or believing.” At meetings all over the universe tonight, I imagine wise folks with many years mouthing the word “acceptance” when someone flops a problem down on the recovery table.

That being said, acceptance appears to be *gulp* … “taking it” with “a favorable reception” and “believing it to be true”.  Holy shitcakes. This means that when I have difficulties (as most of us do of course) I’m to not only buy it but be glad to do so?? What the hell does that mean?  That there is some rhyme or reason to all this madness?  That if I keep putting one foot in front of the other that there will be a purpose or knowledge gleaned or some kind of courage found that wasn’t there before? That maybe just maybe what doesn’t kill us … yeah that phrase.

Maybe there’s not a reason. It could be that life is life. That fairness doesn’t exist and there’s no grand justice or big daddy in the sky that keeps a tally. I don’t know.  Don’t have that answer. What I do know is that I can remember. Remember who I really, truly am … way down deep … when the shit hits the fan.  Full of honesty, courage, strength, truth, fortitude, willingness … yeah the stuff I dig.

So perhaps the whole acceptance thing is like military issue glasses. Not much for looks or bling or even pizazz but brings some serious clarity in Buddy Holly frames.  What’s the nitty gritty of the “work” that we do in recovery?  Gettin on with the gettin on … the “no matter what” of it all.  Grit your teeth and accept it. Some of us even do it with some grace and style.  Personally I’m still a bit teenager-ish about it, the tantrums lessen every month or so and hissy fits become funny.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. ”  (pg. 417 BB 4th ed.)

Accept the things I cannot change … (serenity prayers worldwide)

“Take it” …  “with favorable reception” … “and believe”.  And whom or what you believe to be a power greater than you… (mine is a room full of drunks)  they still continue to laugh at me as I look over top of my glasses with eye rolls and middle fingers.  They accept me with all my flaws and tantrums and silliness that comes from thinking that I’m more important than I really am. They accept me with open arms and the knowledge that we share the same flawed perceptions peppered with humor. THEY YOU accept me… who the hell am I not to accept myself?

And as I continue to look over those ‘glasses’… when I decide to finally look through them again, life seems more than half full. Optimism through a reality strainer. Accepting that everything is as it should be at this very moment… it’s MY eyes that are the problem. Myopia and astigmatism in the guise of pessimistic belligerence. My prescription? A healthy dose… of acceptance.

Sometimes we forget what it was like. To be new. To be really really sick. To be so riddled with self centered disease that we believe our own lies.

It’s easy to forget really. When you’ve been in the rooms for a period of time so long it becomes second nature (this can come quickly or slowly depending on the level of step work you’ve done). And then you start sponsoring. You KNOW the solution, for shitsakes you’ve LIVED it. You KNOW they can get better, if you can anyone can right? All you need is Honesty Openmindedness and Willingness … and follow the steps to a bright new future alcohol and drug free.

And then they don’t listen to your suggestions or maybe you’re uber healthy and only suggest things out of the recovery manuals (Big Book or NA book).  Maybe you see them heading for a relapse and they get MAD at you for saying so. Perhaps they get involved in an unhealthy relationship or do ALL the “wrong” things and you can do nothing but sit there, on your hands, and be there.

It’s hard. It is. I’ve sponsored hundreds of girls and of course learned everything the hard way.

I’ve done the ole “I can’t believe she’s acting that way.” Well duh. IT’S MORE NORMAL (in the beginning) FOR US TO BE SICK THAN IT IS TO BE HEALTHY. Really. Do you forget so quickly what it was like to not know up from down or which way is the way to recovery?

We have a disease that tells us we don’t have one. We almost have to be beaten into a state of reasonableness by our sick behaviors.

Hate to break it to you… but no one will listen to you if they’ve not surrendered to the fact that their way does NOT work. Tried every loophole, every excuse, every “worming their way out” that they can possibly devise to NOT admit to themselves that they are SICK. (pssst… it was the same for every one of us)

If we personalize a newcomers behavior it’s rather silly. Perhaps an Alanon meeting (to learn detachment) might help. We are not responsible for someone staying sober. We are only responsible for sharing how WE got and stayed sober. It’s up to them to take the suggestions or not so much. It’s in the sharing of your experience, strength, and hope that YOU stay clean… NOT the outcome.  Let go and get out of the way of who or what is really running the show. Think of yourself as more of a messenger than a drill sergeant.

Hard lesson to learn when we’re coming from a place of love and caring; wanting other drunks and dope fiends to “get it” like we did. Just remember however… sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone alone. Experience sometimes is our only teacher. Taking someone’s “word” for things isn’t exactly our strong suit yes? We can never expect sick people to act well and then get mad at them for being the way they’ve ALWAYS been.

Our goal is to lead by example, share what we’ve learned/been taught, be IN recovery without judgment… so that we can be of optimum service.  Other people’s behavior is NOT a reflecti0n of how good/bad of a sponsor you are… it really isn’t. If you find you’re getting in too deep with a new person… take a step back, inventory, look at how you’re expecting other people to think and act YOUR way (part of the 4th and 10th step – definition of selfishness) and know that the fact that you care so much is awesome.

Because we’ve gone from completely self absorbed people to wanting others to “get it” soooo badly. THAT is a beautiful thing. Compassion and empathy are necessary… control is so last year. Love you people and as always… I Love Recovery.

Not your regular average meeting (which I’ve done hundreds probably thousands of times), but an online webcam meeting. I was nervous because of the format… I cried a little –  okay a lot… and I was SO damn grateful to be able to share. It scared the hell out of me which is very VERY good. Why? Well let me tell you…

I don’t want to even remotely-ever-in-a-million-years think that I have to be perfect. 

I used to be a circuit speaker. AA and in my job as an Addictions counselor, public speaking came naturally to me; almost like breathing. Poised and all about it, I loved to get up and speak. That’s not a BAD thing mind you… but I think something got lost in translation in that decade and a half of “talking”.  Fifteen years is a long time to be sober … and talking and sharing and leading meetings. It almost became rote. Recovery was my entire life, both personally and professionally.

Then came the six months of hell where I thought I could safely drink again… see   The Girl I used to be or Relapse of a Mid-Timer (yes that’s a link)  for further reference.

This time around (oh I despise that phrase) in the 3 and a half years of sobriety some of that “polish” got taken away. I’m no longer an addictions specialist (although I still talk and write for a living and very well if I may say so) and I am no longer a circuit speaker… no longer sponsoring 20 girls at a time… no longer a Big Book-down-your-throat type.

It’s an inside job. My recovery today is quiet fortitude and “showing” versus “telling” and giving back in different ways (like this blog… which is basically anonymous and for which I receive no financial compensation). I like that. I LIKE that I cry when I speak … LIKE that it’s raw and real… LIKE that I get nervous.

Know why?

Because it means it’s fucking important. It MATTERS. And I WILL not return to poised and polished because I’m short changing me if I do so. When you talk about a life or death thing, like we ALL have experienced in our addiction and recovery, being real is a necessity. The TRUTH is never easy.

So I’ll keep the quirky self deprecating goofball sassy sappy ass girl that I am. And revel in the fact that this shit matters. Real. Raw. Uncensored. Imperfect. Truth.

Thanks for keeping me sober today people. Love you (mean it) and as always… I Love Recovery.

SassySoberGirl aka Amy G. aka SAPPYSoberGirl

 (In The Rooms will continue to have online webcam AA and NA meetings. Check the site http://intherooms.com for more details) 

So now that some truly amazing things are happening for me, things that I have to pinch myself over, I find that little magical voice chiming in again.  You know the one … the “you’re not good enough” BS.  Internal messages taught so long ago that even though I’ve dug through my psyche with a fine tooth comb … the remnants remain. Chronic ‘when is the other shoe gonna drop-ism’. I know ya feel me.

I have been approached with an opportunity to change my entire life. (not allowed to say what. yet. you’ll be the first to know though. promise.) That could mean some serious financial independence for the ninjas and myself. Now fear of economic insecurity has left me … but I’ll be damned if I’m not afraid of economic SECURITY. Good grief.

Part of recovery is learning how to accept gifts. Things that we’ve worked hard for and now are coming to fruition. It can’t stay skid row ALL the time people. If we do the work and are consistent and diligent … amazing things happen. And quite possibly we deserve them? I’ve heard it said that “if I got what I deserve I’d have been dead long ago”. I don’t buy it. My core belief stems from the idea that we ALL can have a chance at joy, each and every one of us. It’s in the having the eyes to see, through recovery, that I am able to feel worthy.

It’s a work in progress. So how about this? Let’s all practice identifying and allowing some joy in our lives … minus the doubting thomas routine. K? K. I know happy can be scary but I think, if we hold hands and look both ways, we just might make it. Together. You betcha.

Let me share the most amazing moment of an amazingly glorious weekend.

So there I am, minding my own business (which I never do), and a pretty redhead shouts my name as I’m walking into the big meeting Saturday night at the stadium.  I recognize her immediately.  She says … You probably don’t remember me … and I interrupt her with her name and a big hug. She begins with explaining where I would know her from and I laugh. You see she’s one of the ones that I’d never forget. One of the girls in early recovery who was a mirror image of me when I got sober. She begins to tell me how much I helped her eleven years ago when she was my patient in treatment.

I let her talk and tell me where she is now and how happy she is … but she really didn’t have to go into detail. The eyes said it all. Bright and shining and full of love and life and most of all … hope. When I knew her at the tender age of 19, her eyes were less than shiny.  And I’m not going to front her out here because that’s just epically uncool. But let’s just say that she didn’t have a lot of life experience to be hopeful about. Just as I didn’t. When I came into the rooms at 19 years old.

I listened with tears in my eyes. You see she was “stubborn” and “difficult” and … well pretty much I loved her completely because I KNEW where that came from.  You see my treatment groups were therapy focused but none of that mumbo jumbo malarky about “you’re a drunk and dope fiend because mommy and daddy were mean.” Oh no. We took responsibility in loud voices and confronted our diseases with laughter and tears and intensity. Just like I hoped their recovery would be after they left me. For treatment isn’t recovery … it’s discovery. And that fact was thumped quite often.

So we walked down memory lane a bit. She finally took a breath and I had so many things I wanted to say … but couldn’t. Like she had helped me more than I could have ever helped her. That I was so proud of the woman she’d become. That she had pretty much made my lifetime because of all the things to remember from a decade ago … she remembered some of the things we learned together. That she was beautiful and smart and amazing and a woman of recovery grown from a wounded girl.

But I didn’t have to say a word. She KNEW. It was written in the way she talked and walked and holy crap … she was an example of what I want to be when I grow up (although I’m sure she doesn’t see herself that way.) I managed to mumble “I’m so proud of you and you helped me too.”

To which she replied … “We helped each other didn’t we? Because we cared.”

Yes we did. We sure did. You never know what one kind word will do. Never realize how you can impact another. I’m sure she’ll never know how much hope she gave me all those years ago. Or maybe she will. She’s a pretty smart cookie after all.  See it’s not about the “me”. It’s about the “we”. And we’re examples of recovery no matter where we are. Even me as a 28 year old addictions counselor who just happened to be a big book thumping hard core recovery chick. Eleven years ago. Amazing. In the place where it all started … one person helping another which in turns helps … the helper. Sound familiar? It oughtta.

(and don’t even get me started on meeting my mentor and best friend Ron P. from Texas. omg. then I’ll be in full out tears. but we’ll leave that for another blog. thankfully)

I’ve been going to Founders Day in Akron Ohio since 1992 (take away four years due to marriage-from-hell-ism and a six month relapse after 15 years sober. bleck). Every year I get uber nostalgic, because I’ve had the privilege to grow up in AA. Getting sober at 19, I literally learned how to live and experienced mega growing pains in those rooms.  So this conference is a walk down memory lane.

To the years when I was in my early twenties and running hard with the young people’s movement. Chairing panels at Founders and speaking there multiple times on panels. Promoting OYPAA (ohio conference of young people in AA) and staying out all night (oh to have that energy again) Seeing all the people I know (thousands) that weekend because that’s where everyone gets together. (old-home-week … and whatnot) I used to be a circuit speaker of sorts in the Akron scene and have made some lifetime friendships while traveling to speak… I see all those folks there too.

It is a benchmark, chronicling my recovery over the years; I can remember each person I laughed with – cried with – and ran naked through the fountain with (just kidding. sorta. umm I was YOUNG okay?) I remember every person I sat next to at the big meeting and most of what the speaker had to say. And the dances? And the fellowship that lasted 3 days? And being moved to the point of tears to see that many people in recovery – loving life – and celebrating … the founding of us.

I’ve never experienced such chills as I have when an entire stadium or arena filled with recovering folk say the Lord’s Prayer in unison. Or how everyone cheered til’ they were hoarse for the “newest” newcomer at the big meeting … and I tear up every time. Or how it feels to see my former homegroup members (Northampton rock stars) one by one become Founders day committee members. I remember seeing Dain R. last year up at the podium and remembered how he danced with me at my wedding. How all my recovery people from Akron loved and nurtured me and drank copious amounts of coffee at the Country Kitchen (before it burned down).

These people helped raise me. And being at Founders brings back memories like a birthday does … of years gone by and successes and failures and how it always all came out in the wash. So as I pack to get ready to go back to where it all started (for me AND for AA), I have tears of gratitude standing in my eyes. For all the people who have loved me until I could love me … who fed me the fruit of life when I couldn’t lift my arms to eat … who STUCK.

I love you so much. And yes you know who you are. See you in a couple days… my family. I’m coming home.

I was talking with a friend at work yesterday. Per usual it was a good conversation filled with the real deal cream filling center of down and dirty. He looks at me and says oh so calmly… “When exactly do you think you’re going to learn to receive?”

Ahem. Excuse me? What do you mean I replied as I choked on air.

He replied ‘Exactly what i said.”

Well there’s a nice how do you do. I mean really, I’m able to … I can … I want to … oh shit. Talk about getting hit with a proverbial 2×4. I don’t receive well. Not even a little bit. Oh sure I can give and give and give some more, but when it comes to graciously accepting kindness or especially love? Ummm. No. I don’t do that with any modicum of grace or dignity.

Realizing that and then of course, writing about it inventory style; I see so clearly how this has impacted all of my major relationships. Gifts were never given freely in my childhood and young adulthood … there was always a price to pay, a consistent “holding over the head” if you will. Martyrs will do that to you. The whole “after ALL I’ve done for you” and other blah blah blah’s.

Right. So I chronicled all my major relationships. Every one. And I saw a consistent theme. Giving but not allowing myself to feel worthy enough to receive. And then bitching because I felt alone. Right. Talk about more being revealed. Ouch. Bleck. Ick and all other words meaning fail.  Character defects that impact everything around me.

So MY job? Well my job is to change that thinking. To lean back and let others care about me. Oh mah lawd that’s a tough one. This defect has ruined some of the most amazing relationships I’ve ever had. Best I can do is SEE my behavior so that I don’t keep making the same mistakes ovah and ovah and ovah.

You see any relationship is a two way street. To give and give and give … well it can get rather old don’t ya think? Picture a “hanger onner” type. The “yes” person. The pushover. The one who gives and gives and gives again with a ragged worn smile. The one who can’t say no. What do you think the general consensus about this person is? Do you think there is an air of respect? How about this person’s value?

I heard a term once that I really liked … it was “degree of difficulty”. This isn’t how you might think. It means how much “crap” do you take from others and how “easy” are you to manipulate … or something like that. I love the idea of that.  If someone is “easy” well … we know what the general consensus on that is all about… oh yes. Anything worth having is never easy. Remember that. And learning how to “get” as good as you give  … well that is a good place to start.

The other issue with a non-taking mindset is … you’re depriving someone that loves you of the joy of giving.  You know how good it feels to give right? (Think Christmas morning. Think how you agonized over the perfect present. Think of how you wrapped it and were sooooo excited for the person to open it. Yeah. Like that.) And if you don’t let others LOVE YOU … you’re depriving of the beauty of two-way-street-ism.

See I know this well.  And recently, because of my inability to receive, I’ve lost a relationship very precious to me. Sad? Hellz yes. Did I learn? Abso-freakin-lutely. And as a result? I’m learning, albeit slowly, to allow others to care for me even if it feels uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY if it feels uncomfortable. I think you all might be able to relate. Letting a sponsor in, friends in, even lovers or family members … all the way in; is difficult.

There is a term I love (almost) above all others. It is called RECIPROCITY.

The Principle of Reciprocity

Reciprocity means give and take. It’s the law of cause and effect, and we see it all around us. When you say, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours,” that’s Reciprocity. So is the old expression, “You get what you pay for!”

Isn’t it funny that we human beings judge another person’s heart by the way that we give? When you truly love someone, you want to lavish your treasures upon them. Whatever your gifts — time, money, talent, affection — they express your love. The reverse is also true! People hold back when their heart is cold. Cold-hearted people can expect coldness in return. Whatever “Seed” is sown, that is the “Harvest” that you can expect to “Reap”!

There are two important lessons in the Principle of Reciprocity. The first is – “If you give, it will be given back to you.” Sometimes you get back more than you give! This usually always happens when a person’s heart is right.! The second lesson is harder to master – “Learn to give without hoping to get anything back!” Either way, you are blessed by the giving that you do! It makes you feel good!

This Principle of Reciprocity affects your relationships with your loved ones, neighbors, friends, and even strangers! The Principle of Reciprocity shows that you’re blessed in like or better kind when you use what you have to bless others and you are not blessed if you do otherwise. It’s a rock solid, unquestionable Principle!

But so what. Difficult does not mean impossible. Force yourself to feel a little vulnerable now and again. Allow someone to love you. You deserve it … even if you don’t believe it.  If you believe the old addage … “what you give comes back to you” then allowing it to come back … IS IMPORTANT.  Accept a compliment with a simple “thank you”. Allow someone to give YOU a shoulder to lean on for a change. Let yourself be cared for and in turn you’re helping someone else … to show caring. Paradoxical? Perhaps. Necessary? Absolutely. Try it … you just might … like it.