If you’ve ever been to an “anonymous type” meeting, you’ve probably heard about this strange word called acceptance.  Dictionary.com defines as “the act of taking or receiving something offered.  favorable reception; approval; favor. the act of assenting or believing.” At meetings all over the universe tonight, I imagine wise folks with many years mouthing the word “acceptance” when someone flops a problem down on the recovery table.

That being said, acceptance appears to be *gulp* … “taking it” with “a favorable reception” and “believing it to be true”.  Holy shitcakes. This means that when I have difficulties (as most of us do of course) I’m to not only buy it but be glad to do so?? What the hell does that mean?  That there is some rhyme or reason to all this madness?  That if I keep putting one foot in front of the other that there will be a purpose or knowledge gleaned or some kind of courage found that wasn’t there before? That maybe just maybe what doesn’t kill us … yeah that phrase.

Maybe there’s not a reason. It could be that life is life. That fairness doesn’t exist and there’s no grand justice or big daddy in the sky that keeps a tally. I don’t know.  Don’t have that answer. What I do know is that I can remember. Remember who I really, truly am … way down deep … when the shit hits the fan.  Full of honesty, courage, strength, truth, fortitude, willingness … yeah the stuff I dig.

So perhaps the whole acceptance thing is like military issue glasses. Not much for looks or bling or even pizazz but brings some serious clarity in Buddy Holly frames.  What’s the nitty gritty of the “work” that we do in recovery?  Gettin on with the gettin on … the “no matter what” of it all.  Grit your teeth and accept it. Some of us even do it with some grace and style.  Personally I’m still a bit teenager-ish about it, the tantrums lessen every month or so and hissy fits become funny.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. ”  (pg. 417 BB 4th ed.)

Accept the things I cannot change … (serenity prayers worldwide)

“Take it” …  “with favorable reception” … “and believe”.  And whom or what you believe to be a power greater than you… (mine is a room full of drunks)  they still continue to laugh at me as I look over top of my glasses with eye rolls and middle fingers.  They accept me with all my flaws and tantrums and silliness that comes from thinking that I’m more important than I really am. They accept me with open arms and the knowledge that we share the same flawed perceptions peppered with humor. THEY YOU accept me… who the hell am I not to accept myself?

And as I continue to look over those ‘glasses’… when I decide to finally look through them again, life seems more than half full. Optimism through a reality strainer. Accepting that everything is as it should be at this very moment… it’s MY eyes that are the problem. Myopia and astigmatism in the guise of pessimistic belligerence. My prescription? A healthy dose… of acceptance.

Embracing myself regardless of what’s going on?  Cranky? Yeah who isn’t from time to time.  I wear brat well.  I’m tired of explaining and justifying and attempting to be “happy girl” all the time (although I usually am of a pretty sunny disposition). Funny thing about being happy, lots don’t like that either. *shrug* Can’t please everyone but I sure as hell can please me!  Being true and congruent to who I am makes all the diff.

As a result of self love of the Sass, I’m able to give and receive with others. ACCEPT gifts given to me in love and kindness. How many years have we denied ourselves the pure act of simple kindness? My worthiness is apparent in every thank you, every half smile, every bat of my $3 fake eyelashes. (Yes I wear em. I’m slightly “saucy” and my real lashes are less than a centimeter long.  I laugh every time I wear em so shut it and laugh with me)

New Year. New Love. New expression of me and you.No one likes ya? No one’s holdin your hand? No one to ring the year in with? It’s okay. Come online, talk to me, I’ll take your hand. I’m here and I know what it’s like to be alone and a bit lonely. My soul knows your soul knows my soul. Kindred spirit of the recovery soul. From all that kills us inside can grow a mustard seed that will set you free … if you choose it to be.

As it tells us in our literature (you know the Big blue Book… at least for this drunk it’s my textbook), namely the Doctor’s opinion, we “cannot differentiate the true from the false”.

huh?

okay I’ll let Dr. Silkworth explain this since he did such a fabulous job doing so.  Linkage:  . http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_doctoropinion.cfm

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

Oh. So what he’s saying is that there comes a point where we lose the ability to see and realize the truth about our drinking and ourselves. Denial isn’t a river and self deception rules the roost. We, as addicted people would rather ANYTHING else be wrong than admit that our drinking is to blame. This comes at a high price. Family, friends, children, jobs et cetera et cetera shoulder that burden. “If you had a life like I did… you’d drink too”  ”If only people would leave me alone, everything would be fine.”

The basic fact is this. A person that DOES NOT have an issue with drinking wouldn’t care one bit if someone said “Hey. Drinking is causing all these problems for you. Quit it.” It’d be a no brainer. They wouldn’t CARE if they could or couldn’t ingest alcohol any longer.

Does there ever come a point where we can trust our own thinking again? Is there ever a moment when we CAN differentiate the true from the false when it comes to our magical mystifying thought processes?

That’s a tricky one. But fortunately there’s an answer…

Ah. So the answer is a resounding yes. Funny where those particular promises come into play. AFTER we work step 9.  After amends are made and our side of the street is clear and unfettered to the best of our ability. The scary-ish thing about that is maintaining that state. But we have 10, 11, and 12 for that. AND… reliable sources such as sponsors and trusted recovery people to help us SEE when and if the sick comes back.

I’m usually pretty wary of promising things. But I have to tell ya; I’ve seen it, done it, BEEN it (it being absolved from sick thinking and returning back to denial) and this stuff works yo. You have much evidence to support such promises. It works… if you work it. Pinky swear promise.

Sometimes we forget what it was like. To be new. To be really really sick. To be so riddled with self centered disease that we believe our own lies.

It’s easy to forget really. When you’ve been in the rooms for a period of time so long it becomes second nature (this can come quickly or slowly depending on the level of step work you’ve done). And then you start sponsoring. You KNOW the solution, for shitsakes you’ve LIVED it. You KNOW they can get better, if you can anyone can right? All you need is Honesty Openmindedness and Willingness … and follow the steps to a bright new future alcohol and drug free.

And then they don’t listen to your suggestions or maybe you’re uber healthy and only suggest things out of the recovery manuals (Big Book or NA book).  Maybe you see them heading for a relapse and they get MAD at you for saying so. Perhaps they get involved in an unhealthy relationship or do ALL the “wrong” things and you can do nothing but sit there, on your hands, and be there.

It’s hard. It is. I’ve sponsored hundreds of girls and of course learned everything the hard way.

I’ve done the ole “I can’t believe she’s acting that way.” Well duh. IT’S MORE NORMAL (in the beginning) FOR US TO BE SICK THAN IT IS TO BE HEALTHY. Really. Do you forget so quickly what it was like to not know up from down or which way is the way to recovery?

We have a disease that tells us we don’t have one. We almost have to be beaten into a state of reasonableness by our sick behaviors.

Hate to break it to you… but no one will listen to you if they’ve not surrendered to the fact that their way does NOT work. Tried every loophole, every excuse, every “worming their way out” that they can possibly devise to NOT admit to themselves that they are SICK. (pssst… it was the same for every one of us)

If we personalize a newcomers behavior it’s rather silly. Perhaps an Alanon meeting (to learn detachment) might help. We are not responsible for someone staying sober. We are only responsible for sharing how WE got and stayed sober. It’s up to them to take the suggestions or not so much. It’s in the sharing of your experience, strength, and hope that YOU stay clean… NOT the outcome.  Let go and get out of the way of who or what is really running the show. Think of yourself as more of a messenger than a drill sergeant.

Hard lesson to learn when we’re coming from a place of love and caring; wanting other drunks and dope fiends to “get it” like we did. Just remember however… sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let someone alone. Experience sometimes is our only teacher. Taking someone’s “word” for things isn’t exactly our strong suit yes? We can never expect sick people to act well and then get mad at them for being the way they’ve ALWAYS been.

Our goal is to lead by example, share what we’ve learned/been taught, be IN recovery without judgment… so that we can be of optimum service.  Other people’s behavior is NOT a reflecti0n of how good/bad of a sponsor you are… it really isn’t. If you find you’re getting in too deep with a new person… take a step back, inventory, look at how you’re expecting other people to think and act YOUR way (part of the 4th and 10th step – definition of selfishness) and know that the fact that you care so much is awesome.

Because we’ve gone from completely self absorbed people to wanting others to “get it” soooo badly. THAT is a beautiful thing. Compassion and empathy are necessary… control is so last year. Love you people and as always… I Love Recovery.

I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately about outcomes. Goals, dreams, aspirations, blah blah blah.  About making a transition to writing for a living and how I’m going to do that and where is this going to lead and omg I have to succeed at this. I had an epiphany of sorts (although of the educational variety) about how I view such things and what recovery has taught me.

Do the very best you can with what you have and don’t even think about the outcome.

Sounds simple when applying it to recovery yes? Do what’s suggested; work the steps, call sponsor-type folks, read thy recovery books of choice, go to meetings, et cetera. If you do what works … you’ll stay on the recovery roadmap. It’s just that simple. Not easy, mind you, but yes simple.  But applying this to “all” areas of my life? Ouchie. That’s where it gets complicated I complicate things.

We’re taught, in the real world (and in motivational messages), that it’s all about success. Win, win, win. Strive to be the best. Keep your eye on the prize. Kick ass and take names. Be number one. Gooooooaaaaal! It always seems, to me, that it’s all about the end result. Little, to no attention, is focused on the actual journey. How hard it is to maintain focus or the beauty in discipline or the amazing work a starving artist puts out into the world that goes unrecognized.  No one knows anything about a person until they’re a “winner”. Then they say “yadda yadda I worked hard… blah blah I failed a bunch…” But no one cares UNTIL that gold medal is around your neck. When you get your Michael Jordan-esque movie made and everyone cries because he missed X number of free throws over his career and *sniff* and *I believe I can fly* starts playing mysteriously in the background. (omg)

So we tend to get into this thought process of “WHEN” “IF” and “THEN“.  When I get this… I’ll be happy. If I win… then I’ll really be something.  That kind of thinking impacts me deeply. Even in my writing process. When I’m only worried about if people read or if it’s any good at all or analyzing data or or or … yeah, I kinda suck. My words are no longer my own and I’m in the “what do people want to hear about” schemata. When I had that whole big corporate interview thing-a-ma-bob happen (and no I didn’t get the cushy high paying corporate job where I wouldn’t have to worry about heating my house for the winter or having enough money to go around. probably a good thing anyway. okay i’m sure it was a good thing I didn’t get it.) I did that whole freaking out about the outcome thing. It was rather unpleasant. I forgot who I was. And seeing that I LIKE who I am, it was epic suck-age. I wrote differently; censored myself and was NOT in my creative space. Not even a little.

Recovery teaches me differently. That focus being placed DIRECTLY on the journey. On this moment. On the “right now”. On the taking time to appreciate the beauty of the struggle. To recognize and verbalize that when we see it in others. Not so much the outcome but how amazing it is that we’re even ON THE ROAD… to recovery.  Yes we still have goals but it’s in the MEANS to the end where the focus is placed. (gawd I hope this makes sense.)

Or to bring it to an even deeper level… we’re okay no matter what. Sort of a shift in thinking that tells me “you are amazing because you ARE” not so much “you are amazing because you do this for a living or make this much money.” I love that about the program. When we all walk into the rooms something magical happens. There is this great “equalizer”; in which we aren’t seen for what we DO, we’re seen for who we ARE. (how freakin’ awesome and rare is THAT?)

Medals tarnish, fortunes are made and lost in an instant, fifteen minutes of fame is just that… an increment of time. Contracts are broken, shows are cancelled, fame and fortune can come and then go as quickly as a Kardashian marriage. If I base my self worth on ‘achieving’ all the damn time then I’m rather missing the point. The truly successful folks out there with longevity know this also; it’s about being CONSISTENTLY WHO YOU ARE. The rest will fall into place. Always in all ways.

Cherish the journey for that is where character is made. Flash in the pans who talk the talk come and go, but the ones with quiet determination and gratitude are the ones I’m yearning to walk with… “trudging this road of happy destiny.” (leave a comment with that BB page number and I’ll buy you a coffee and we’ll chat via webcam. mean it.)

There are moments like this when it hits me like a ton of bricks… how effin’ LUCKY we are to be able to CREATE OURSELVES, through vigilant recovery work, every single day. That to me… is the biggest indicator of success.  I love you people and as always… I love recovery.

The mob mentality. One starts the brawl and people begin to realize that they have achieved power through disorganized chaos. And the bottle breaking begins…

Wisegeek.com says:

The term “mob mentality” is used to refer to unique behavioral characteristics which emerge when people are in large groups. It is sometimes used disparagingly, as the term “mob” typically conjures up an image of a disorganized, aggressive, panicked group of people. Social psychologists who study group behavior tend to prefer terms like “herd behavior” or “crowd hysteria.” The study of mob mentality is quite fascinating, and it is used to analyze situations which range from evacuations gone awry to the moment when demonstrations turn violent.

Panic. Aggression. Crazed hatred. Over a police shooting in London. According to Addiction Magazine in an article written by Jeff MZ:

In the last week, there have been riots over the shooting death of local hoodlum, Mark Duggan, who was allegedly shot and killed by police during an attempted arrest. The police had alleged that Duggan fired first. However, the Independent Police Complaints Commission has determined that Duggan did not fire first and, in fact, the gun in his posession had not been recently fired at all. Police had alleged that Duggan fired and hit a police officer who was saved by his police radio. The commission has determined that the round that hit that radio was from a Heckler & Koch firearm which was police issued.

How does this impact a recovering community? Well seeing that it’s not safe to leave their houses, and as they’ve been told as much by the government; meeting goers in London are forced to stay home. Not to mention the fear for your safety and well being of family and friends taking it’s toll.

All I can think is how those of us in recovery have chosen to leave the herd mentality behind. To do the right thing no matter what everyone else is doing. Anytime I see catastrophe and the worst in the human condition, I immediately am moved to think of how recovery has changed my life. Focusing on me and my behavior, not the actions of others; and how that is so very rare.

All given freely by people like you. Yes. I love recovery.

Tonight when you lay down to rest your eyes at the end of a long day, think of those who might not be safe. Those that can’t get to meetings… those who are still suffering because of external (or internal) conditions. And say a prayer for the safety of those in London-town.

In The Rooms (http://intherooms.com) will be holding an online video 12 step meeting for those folks in London who can’t leave their homes. Pretty amazing and compassionate. I’ll be there.

Yeah. Balance is important. In every affair and no not the cheat on your spouse kind although that might be a good blog topic for another day. So I’m the new Editor-In-Chief of this new ITR magazine thingy, going to be getting a promotion at work that will cause me to move several states away, doing an internal website for that job, plus write my own blogs (3), and raise my daughters by myself. Ummm now that I see this on paper it would seem that my life is a big psychotic whirlwind. *ahem*

We all want to achieve yes? Succeed (for the most part we do … unless we self sabotage which is ANOTHER topic for another day) strive for our goals in life, and do the very best we can with what we have in this recovery we’ve been given. What happens? Well speaking for myself, I get “stretched”. Real thin. REAL REAL thin. And I can’t give my all to what’s in front of me because I’m worried about what I have to do next. I do all my writing after the mini ninjas go to bed (if they cooperate it’s 9. yeah. most times it’s later. i’m such a sucker) and that leaves this HUGE amount of ‘stuff’ hanging over my head, like an anvil dangling precariously over my noggin. I call it “anticipation of the crash” sounds poetic but mostly bleck.

We can’t be all things to all people. Can’t do every little thing we want to sometimes. So we learn to prioritize. Set limits and boundaries and goal lists and and and … yeah sounds like more work to me too. Gah. But it’s a small thing in comparison to allowing the “coulda shoulda woulda’s” to haunt us. Should get this written, could have done a load of laundry instead of blogging, would have rather been playing with my daughters than go to work today” Oh my. Doesn’t sound very  recovery focused does it?

So my goal for today … (ugh) … is to write out a reasonable timetable for my life. Yes. I know it sounds silly. But is it? Better than whirling about when I’m going to get this done or that done or whatever. I’ve not blogged here at I Love Recovery for wayyyy too long. I’m  sad about that. This is one of my biggest 12 step activities and I love the interaction here and on the facebook page. *sigh* Promise I’ll be better about it because this is an integral part of my recovery process. Not the boss or getting paid for it or anyone even knowing who I am. Just my heart and soul sent to you … on a page.

I love the idea of that. Missed you cool kids. Much love to you today. And as always … I LOVE Recovery <3

Let me share the most amazing moment of an amazingly glorious weekend.

So there I am, minding my own business (which I never do), and a pretty redhead shouts my name as I’m walking into the big meeting Saturday night at the stadium.  I recognize her immediately.  She says … You probably don’t remember me … and I interrupt her with her name and a big hug. She begins with explaining where I would know her from and I laugh. You see she’s one of the ones that I’d never forget. One of the girls in early recovery who was a mirror image of me when I got sober. She begins to tell me how much I helped her eleven years ago when she was my patient in treatment.

I let her talk and tell me where she is now and how happy she is … but she really didn’t have to go into detail. The eyes said it all. Bright and shining and full of love and life and most of all … hope. When I knew her at the tender age of 19, her eyes were less than shiny.  And I’m not going to front her out here because that’s just epically uncool. But let’s just say that she didn’t have a lot of life experience to be hopeful about. Just as I didn’t. When I came into the rooms at 19 years old.

I listened with tears in my eyes. You see she was “stubborn” and “difficult” and … well pretty much I loved her completely because I KNEW where that came from.  You see my treatment groups were therapy focused but none of that mumbo jumbo malarky about “you’re a drunk and dope fiend because mommy and daddy were mean.” Oh no. We took responsibility in loud voices and confronted our diseases with laughter and tears and intensity. Just like I hoped their recovery would be after they left me. For treatment isn’t recovery … it’s discovery. And that fact was thumped quite often.

So we walked down memory lane a bit. She finally took a breath and I had so many things I wanted to say … but couldn’t. Like she had helped me more than I could have ever helped her. That I was so proud of the woman she’d become. That she had pretty much made my lifetime because of all the things to remember from a decade ago … she remembered some of the things we learned together. That she was beautiful and smart and amazing and a woman of recovery grown from a wounded girl.

But I didn’t have to say a word. She KNEW. It was written in the way she talked and walked and holy crap … she was an example of what I want to be when I grow up (although I’m sure she doesn’t see herself that way.) I managed to mumble “I’m so proud of you and you helped me too.”

To which she replied … “We helped each other didn’t we? Because we cared.”

Yes we did. We sure did. You never know what one kind word will do. Never realize how you can impact another. I’m sure she’ll never know how much hope she gave me all those years ago. Or maybe she will. She’s a pretty smart cookie after all.  See it’s not about the “me”. It’s about the “we”. And we’re examples of recovery no matter where we are. Even me as a 28 year old addictions counselor who just happened to be a big book thumping hard core recovery chick. Eleven years ago. Amazing. In the place where it all started … one person helping another which in turns helps … the helper. Sound familiar? It oughtta.

(and don’t even get me started on meeting my mentor and best friend Ron P. from Texas. omg. then I’ll be in full out tears. but we’ll leave that for another blog. thankfully)

I was talking with a friend at work yesterday. Per usual it was a good conversation filled with the real deal cream filling center of down and dirty. He looks at me and says oh so calmly… “When exactly do you think you’re going to learn to receive?”

Ahem. Excuse me? What do you mean I replied as I choked on air.

He replied ‘Exactly what i said.”

Well there’s a nice how do you do. I mean really, I’m able to … I can … I want to … oh shit. Talk about getting hit with a proverbial 2×4. I don’t receive well. Not even a little bit. Oh sure I can give and give and give some more, but when it comes to graciously accepting kindness or especially love? Ummm. No. I don’t do that with any modicum of grace or dignity.

Realizing that and then of course, writing about it inventory style; I see so clearly how this has impacted all of my major relationships. Gifts were never given freely in my childhood and young adulthood … there was always a price to pay, a consistent “holding over the head” if you will. Martyrs will do that to you. The whole “after ALL I’ve done for you” and other blah blah blah’s.

Right. So I chronicled all my major relationships. Every one. And I saw a consistent theme. Giving but not allowing myself to feel worthy enough to receive. And then bitching because I felt alone. Right. Talk about more being revealed. Ouch. Bleck. Ick and all other words meaning fail.  Character defects that impact everything around me.

So MY job? Well my job is to change that thinking. To lean back and let others care about me. Oh mah lawd that’s a tough one. This defect has ruined some of the most amazing relationships I’ve ever had. Best I can do is SEE my behavior so that I don’t keep making the same mistakes ovah and ovah and ovah.

You see any relationship is a two way street. To give and give and give … well it can get rather old don’t ya think? Picture a “hanger onner” type. The “yes” person. The pushover. The one who gives and gives and gives again with a ragged worn smile. The one who can’t say no. What do you think the general consensus about this person is? Do you think there is an air of respect? How about this person’s value?

I heard a term once that I really liked … it was “degree of difficulty”. This isn’t how you might think. It means how much “crap” do you take from others and how “easy” are you to manipulate … or something like that. I love the idea of that.  If someone is “easy” well … we know what the general consensus on that is all about… oh yes. Anything worth having is never easy. Remember that. And learning how to “get” as good as you give  … well that is a good place to start.

The other issue with a non-taking mindset is … you’re depriving someone that loves you of the joy of giving.  You know how good it feels to give right? (Think Christmas morning. Think how you agonized over the perfect present. Think of how you wrapped it and were sooooo excited for the person to open it. Yeah. Like that.) And if you don’t let others LOVE YOU … you’re depriving of the beauty of two-way-street-ism.

See I know this well.  And recently, because of my inability to receive, I’ve lost a relationship very precious to me. Sad? Hellz yes. Did I learn? Abso-freakin-lutely. And as a result? I’m learning, albeit slowly, to allow others to care for me even if it feels uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY if it feels uncomfortable. I think you all might be able to relate. Letting a sponsor in, friends in, even lovers or family members … all the way in; is difficult.

There is a term I love (almost) above all others. It is called RECIPROCITY.

The Principle of Reciprocity

Reciprocity means give and take. It’s the law of cause and effect, and we see it all around us. When you say, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours,” that’s Reciprocity. So is the old expression, “You get what you pay for!”

Isn’t it funny that we human beings judge another person’s heart by the way that we give? When you truly love someone, you want to lavish your treasures upon them. Whatever your gifts — time, money, talent, affection — they express your love. The reverse is also true! People hold back when their heart is cold. Cold-hearted people can expect coldness in return. Whatever “Seed” is sown, that is the “Harvest” that you can expect to “Reap”!

There are two important lessons in the Principle of Reciprocity. The first is – “If you give, it will be given back to you.” Sometimes you get back more than you give! This usually always happens when a person’s heart is right.! The second lesson is harder to master – “Learn to give without hoping to get anything back!” Either way, you are blessed by the giving that you do! It makes you feel good!

This Principle of Reciprocity affects your relationships with your loved ones, neighbors, friends, and even strangers! The Principle of Reciprocity shows that you’re blessed in like or better kind when you use what you have to bless others and you are not blessed if you do otherwise. It’s a rock solid, unquestionable Principle!

But so what. Difficult does not mean impossible. Force yourself to feel a little vulnerable now and again. Allow someone to love you. You deserve it … even if you don’t believe it.  If you believe the old addage … “what you give comes back to you” then allowing it to come back … IS IMPORTANT.  Accept a compliment with a simple “thank you”. Allow someone to give YOU a shoulder to lean on for a change. Let yourself be cared for and in turn you’re helping someone else … to show caring. Paradoxical? Perhaps. Necessary? Absolutely. Try it … you just might … like it.

I grew up watching Grease. Seen it hundreds and hundreds of times. I think … okay I know I had a mad crush on Kenickie.  Also known as Jeff Conway. I never could bring myself to watch celebrity rehab or any of that stuff. It felt wrong somehow to me. No offense Dr. Drew … I get the importance of educating the world on addiction through seeing celebrities embaras the shit outta themselves on television. Ratings rock. But really … there has been compassion gleaned through venues such as these. But it makes me sad.  (and YES i know i’m writing about it too … but unlike Dr. Drew down there … I don’t make a red cent from it. This is my way of giving back. so yeah.)

Don’t get me wrong and stop throwing rotten fruit at me now people … Dr. Drew has epic compassion for folks like us and I GET what he’s doing. He’s a good man with high hopes. But I’m not sure I always care for the outcome of putting drunks and dope fiends on display. That is my ONLY point here. K? K. Moving along now …

I’ve written a few articles for ITR on celebrity addiction … and I’m not sure they got what they were looking for so they stopped asking LOL. I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like it’s public fodder like a drive by car crash with rude rubberneckers getting their “sympathy groove thing on”.  Yeah.

Anyway. I overheard people talking about it at my karmic job today. The whole “tsk tsk” thing. The whole “will power” thing. The whole “just quit it” thing. The whole “those people are pathetic” … thing. For once, I kept my fool mouth shut. Really it’s not my job to educate the world on addiction anymore. There was a time, in another life, when I was in my twenties and a balls-to-the-wall addictions therapist … that I would’ve jumped on that soapbox right then and there. I thought it was my main goal to argue with anyone who thought addicts/alcoholics were stupid and spineless and “BAD” people.

That was in another life. When I thought recovery was a crusade. And when I thought I could MAKE people understand.

I’m not that any longer thankfully. Of course my decade plus as a therapist helps me in many other ways and my knowledge of addiction is quite vast. But in cases such as these? Celebrity deaths related to addiction? The public view of what an addict is? The shaming negative comments people make … about people like ME? Eh. Soapboxes are no longer necessary.

Same holds true for writing about celebrity addiction. Jeff Conway was a drunk/dope fiend. Just like me. The more you have … the more you have to lose.  Or something like that.  So as I’ve said when I wrote about Corey Haim’s death or Lindsey Lohan getting arrested (again) … compassion for the suffering is key. No matter if they’re famous or the drunk living under the bridge or the guy that comes to work every day with alcohol on his breath or the mother who loses her children because of her addiction or the chronic relapser who’s “new” at every meeting or the man who kills someone drunk driving because he thinks he can “handle it” or or or … yeah. You get the idea.

Addiction is a sad thing. Really. But conversely there is so much potential for beauty because of it. We would not have empathy had we not been through our sickness. I know that all the pain in my life has allowed me to become compassionate and kind. I KNOW what that dark night of the sick feels like … as do you. And that? Well it’s our common bond. Not seen on Celebrity Rehab. Not rubbernecked because it’s NOT newsworthy to be happy and sober and clean and free.

Those famous folks who are IN recovery? Well you never hear about how their lives are better because they’re sober/clean. But they are. Because recovery … is a quiet dignity. A lifestyle change to look through spiritual eyes. Not said … but SEEN. That spark, verve, panache, zest for living that comes from really LIVING. All brought to us by our respective recovery programs. I take dignity and grace over being famous any day of the week tyvm.

So … I think this weekend … I’ll watch Grease. And I’ll say my goodbye to my childhood movie crush and all his cool grease lightning-ness. I want to remember him that way. Not as a sick late stage slobbering drunk on a reality show. And I may just shed a tear when it comes to the part where Kenickie was talking to Rizzo and says …

I don’t run away from my mistakes.

I’m Amy. I’m a grateful drunk and as always … I love recovery. Bye Kineckie… I’ll miss you.