Sex Addiction vs. Other Addictions: The Betrayed Partner’s Perspective Vicki Tidwell Palmer

    The impact of addiction on a spouse or long-term committed partner is not the same for all addictions. For survivors of chronic infidelity or sex addiction, there are five major ways that sex addiction is different than other addictions, creating unique challenges to the betrayed partner and the repair of the couple’s relationship. 1. Sexual Betrayal Feels Like a Personal Assault If your spouse abuses alcohol or drugs or is hooked on gambling, video gaming, or spending, you are likely to feel intensely frustrated by his or her behavior. You might even be hurt by the fact that your spouse seems to care more about his addiction than you. But you probably won’t see your spouse’s behavior as a personal attack. Sex addiction is different. If your spouse spends hours every day looking at and masturbating to pornography, having sex with prostitutes, having multiple anonymous hookups, and frequenting adult bookstores,… Continue reading

    Addiction: Why Me? Why You? Why Not Them? – By Sally Stacey

    A couple of years into recovery, I was on vacation back home on the small island where I grew up. I remember driving to my first AA meeting there, convinced that I would see half the friends I had known in my twenties…it would become a fun reunion of sorts. I envisioned me saying “Hey, fancy seeing you here!” whilst smiling sheepishly, coffee in hand. Not so 🙂 It was an enjoyable meeting for sure but I didn’t know anyone. Furthermore, I didn’t recognise a single person at any of the other five or so meetings I went to whilst there. What had happened to all my drinking buddies? We had all been as crazy as each other back in the day. Surely I couldn’t have been the only one to develop addiction issues. Why me? Why any of us? Why not them? For years, researchers have been searching for… Continue reading

    What is it about 4pm? – By Kyczy Hawk

    Is four pm a kind of witching hour? Is there some sort of Ayurvedic twist of the clock, a Basal Metabolic shift, a change in the internal tides at that time? It seems my daily resolutions fall apart about then. I set intentions each day. Some are affirmations of long-term Sankalpa, others are directions I wish to bring to the day. I mean them with a full heart, one-pointed attention, and focus, hoping that they are in alignment with the plan from my universal spirit. Seldom are they “selfish” but sometimes they are. I want to eat in a more healthy style, I wish to set aside critical thought, I wish to let go of anxiety (borrowed trouble) and to be in the moment as it is. Simple, but not easy steps on the path towards my true spirit. But come four o’clock I lose my mind. I am not… Continue reading

    Sofa Safari – Music by Lily Louche

    This is a song I wrote on ukulele. Sofa Safari is a deceptively sweet song I wrote to an ex-boyfriend. The mood acts as a counterweight to a much earlier (and rawer) beat poem entitled “You, selfish You”, which was (you might guess) rich in resentment. This only goes to show what a great healer time can be. Sadly the ex has never heard the sweet song – only the rageful poem. Predictably – him being an active addict –  he loved the poem because it was bitingly funny, bitter and most importantly it was all about him. I wonder how he’s doing now. This is going out to all of you and the ex –  with love.   Continue reading

    Genuine Surrender – By Andrea Wachter, LMFT

      Having been around the spiritual book block a time or two (umm, make that more like 2,000!), I am no stranger to the concept of surrender. If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard it and read it a thousand times too: “What you resist will persist,” “Let it go and see if it flies back,” etc. I don’t know about you, but when I want something, the last thing I am inclined to do is let it go and see if it comes back. And yet, everything I have ever read regarding the laws of attraction and the foundation of spiritual principles has led me back again and again to this: Obsessing and excessive efforting equals misery and usually does not help in attaining my goals, whereas letting go and surrendering brings peace and is often accompanied by some pretty magical experiences. (And if nothing magical happens to occur, if there… Continue reading