Amelia - Lives in Scotland with her husband, twin boys, dogs and guinea pigs. She is passionately creative. Music was a huge part of her life however illness has meant she is unable to play her musical instruments. This has opened the door to all things yarn. She can be frequently found under a pile of colourful threads. She loves recovery and the 12 steps and loves seeing people grow in their recovery.

The 12 Steps And Chronic Ill Health

I am the boat and I am the ocean. The waves are constant, swelling, falling. Doubt, Insecurity, Why? I can’t adjust my sails for they are broken. Once they were full and beautiful, able to catch the breeze, free to travel. Now they are stranded upon a vessel lost on a troubled sea. The tides come and go. On the ocean I do battle. I cannot see the land. I wait……..   Living with chronic illness in recovery is very much like I described above. I entered recovery a few years ago and it really did save me from myself. At a year sober I had dreams and aspirations and felt I had the world at my feet. I was working towards those dreams – trying new things, seeing what I liked and looking into further education. One day all that stopped. Recently after over a year of extreme disability,… Continue reading

Borderline Personality Disorder: A Personal Reflection – By Amelia.

I am on the verge of a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis. When I faced disappointment today, I recognised something about myself that came out in this poem. The stereotype Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer is reactive outwardly. I am not. I wanted to share this. I live in words unspoken, the shore you see, gives no indication of the depths. A life beneath the surface, lived silently, in storms and peace. No shallow waters abide. The shore so nice to visit, to walk along, to talk. Yet the deep and wondrous ocean remains unyielding in its presence.   Continue reading

A Daily Reprieve From Drinking – Not From Life

So here I am not quite 34 years old, a mother of 2, wife, musician, Reiki Master and Alcoholic/Addict. Labels and more Labels. I have recently been diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) so I now also carry the label “disabled.” I came into the program of AA when I finally realised that I needed help and I had nearly ripped apart my family unit with some very stupid choices. We made a hasty move from our village to a nearby town. I was still drinking but it turned out to be one of my better decisions despite it being a pretty terrible time for us. The outside world knew nothing of my addiction. I knew nothing of my addiction – but my husband knew. I blamed depression and anxiety. Also drinking was normal, everyone I knew was a drinker. I worked as a musician playing in pubs, after gig… Continue reading