Robert Weiss PhD, MSW, CEO of Seeking Integrity LLC, is a digital-age sex, intimacy, and relationship specialist. Dr. Weiss has spent more than 25 years developing treatment programs, educating clinicians, writing, and providing direct care to those challenged by digital-age infidelity, sexual addiction/compulsivity, and other addictive disorders. He is the author of several highly regarded books on sex and intimacy disorders including Prodependence, Out of the Doghouse, Sex Addiction 101, and Cruise Control, among others. He also podcasts (Sex, Love, & Addiction 101) and hosts a free, weekly interactive sex and intimacy webinar via SexandRelationshipHealing.com. His current projects are:SexandRelationshipHealing.com, an extensive online resource for recovery from sex and intimacy disorders. Seeking Integrity Los Angeles, an Integrated Intensive Program for Sex and Intimacy Disorders (Opening in Feb, 2019). For more information or to reach Dr. Weiss, please visit his websites, RobertWeissMSW.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com, or follow him on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW).

Dr. Rob’s Tips for Holiday Sobriety (and Sanity) Robert Weiss PhD, MSW, CSAT

For recovering addicts, holiday stress, anxiety, and depression can be dangerous. All of these feelings are well-known addiction triggers, so, for us, relapse lurks around every holiday corner. At the very least, we must be aware of the unrealistic social pressure to have a joyous, loving, intimately connected holiday. We need to recognize that life is not a Norman Rockwell painting. We’re not going to cook the perfect meals, put up the best decorations, and buy the perfect gifts, and our loved ones are not going to manage any of that either. But still, we are likely to feel as if we must, and they must, and anything less than that is failure. So yeah, there’s a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression during the holiday season. In the midst of all this craziness, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s most important in our lives: our sobriety. Without sobriety,… Continue reading

Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship: The Personal Benefits of Integrity Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S  

In a previous post to this site on healing an addiction-damaged relationship, I wrote about rigorous honesty (why we need it and what it looks like) and the difference between active and passive truth-telling. In that post, the focus was on repairing relationship trust with a betrayed spouse or partner. This post is on the personal benefits of truth-telling. Active, rigorous honesty is not all about our significant other. We too will benefit. First and foremost, getting everything out in the open reduces the fantasy-driven allure of our addiction. After all, forbidden fruit is often exciting primarily because it is forbidden and secretive. If we keep our addiction hidden, we can romanticize it in whatever way we choose—worshipping it as our perfect little prize while ignoring its flaws and the related consequences. Until we burst the bubble and dissolve the fantasy by talking about our ‘stinking thinking’ with our therapist,… Continue reading

Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship: Active vs. Passive Truth-Telling – Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In a previous post to this site, I wrote about the ways in which active addicts damage important relationships, especially their intimate connection with a spouse or partner. In that blog, I noted that the most significant damage, in the eyes of a long-suffering significant other, likely centers not around what you did in your addiction, but around the loss of relationship trust created by your addiction. In short, when we’re active in our addiction, we lie to ourselves and everyone else in our lives—especially the people closest to us. In addition to outright lies, we keep secrets, we blame, we manipulate, we gaslight, and we abuse relationship trust in a hundred other ways. We do this habitually, often without thinking. To repair our addition-damaged relationships, the lies, secrets, and manipulation must stop. As far as our partners are concerned, us getting sober is great and they’re very happy about… Continue reading

Rigorous Honesty: The Key to Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

As addicts, we damage our relationships. And sadly, the more important a relationship is to us, the more damage we tend to do. Once we enter recovery, beyond the work of staying sober and pulling our lives back together in a general way, a primary goal for many of us is healing our damaged connections—especially with our spouses and partners. Most of the time, the most significant and painful damage, in the minds of our loved ones, involves the loss of relationship trust. As addicts, we lie, we keep secrets, we manipulate, we gaslight, and we just plain violate every aspect of relationship trust. These behaviors are part of the denial of our addiction. We lie to and keep secrets from ourselves and everyone else as a way of protecting (and continuing) our addictive behavior. Much of the time, we’re not even aware that we’re doing this. Our lack of… Continue reading

Finally, an Official Diagnosis for Sexual Compulsivity! – Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

  For a long time, sexually addicted/compulsive people did not have an official diagnosis delineating the criteria for diagnosing and treating their disorder. Nor could they get insurance companies to directly fund much-needed treatment for this debilitating issue. This did not by any stretch of the imagination mean that sexual addiction/compulsivity did not exist, because it did. (For a comparison, think about alcoholism, which was officially recognized by most medical and psychological organizations as a diagnosable and treatable disorder in the 1970s. But that hardly means the issue did not exist prior to that time.) The good news is that the World Health Organization (WHO) has announced that the latest version of its diagnostic manual, The International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), will include “Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder” as an official diagnosis. For those who are not familiar with this manual, I’ll simply state that it’s the most commonly used medical… Continue reading