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Robert Weiss PhD, MSW, CEO of Seeking Integrity LLC, is a digital-age sex, intimacy, and relationship specialist. Dr. Weiss has spent more than 25 years developing treatment programs, educating clinicians, writing, and providing direct care to those challenged by digital-age infidelity, sexual addiction/compulsivity, and other addictive disorders. He is the author of several highly regarded books on sex and intimacy disorders including Prodependence, Out of the Doghouse, Sex Addiction 101, and Cruise Control, among others. He also podcasts (Sex, Love, & Addiction 101) and hosts a free, weekly interactive sex and intimacy webinar via SexandRelationshipHealing.com. His current projects are:SexandRelationshipHealing.com, an extensive online resource for recovery from sex and intimacy disorders. Seeking Integrity Los Angeles, an Integrated Intensive Program for Sex and Intimacy Disorders (Opening in Feb, 2019). For more information or to reach Dr. Weiss, please visit his websites, RobertWeissMSW.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com, or follow him on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW).

Infidelity vs. Sex/Porn Addiction: What are the Differences? Robert Weiss PhD, MSW

As the author of ten books on sex/porn addiction, infidelity, and relationships, I am asked relatively often if all sex/porn addicts are cheaters and all cheaters are sex/porn addicts. The answer is no. Plenty of cheaters are not sex/porn addicted, and plenty of sex/porn addicts are not cheaters (usually because they’re not in a relationship). Moreover, the criteria for cheating and the criteria for sexual addiction are very different. In my book Out of the Doghouse I define infidelity as follows: Infidelity (aka: cheating, adultery) is the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful sexual and/or romantic secrets from your primary romantic partner. Please notice that this definition does not talk specifically about affairs, porn, strip clubs, hookup apps, or any other specific sexual or romantic act. Instead, it focuses on what typically matters most to a betrayed partner—the loss of relationship trust. For betrayed partners, it’s… Continue reading

Dr. Rob’s Tips for Holiday Sobriety (and Sanity) Robert Weiss PhD, MSW, CSAT

For recovering addicts, holiday stress, anxiety, and depression can be dangerous. All of these feelings are well-known addiction triggers, so, for us, relapse lurks around every holiday corner. At the very least, we must be aware of the unrealistic social pressure to have a joyous, loving, intimately connected holiday. We need to recognize that life is not a Norman Rockwell painting. We’re not going to cook the perfect meals, put up the best decorations, and buy the perfect gifts, and our loved ones are not going to manage any of that either. But still, we are likely to feel as if we must, and they must, and anything less than that is failure. So yeah, there’s a lot of stress, anxiety, and depression during the holiday season. In the midst of all this craziness, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s most important in our lives: our sobriety. Without sobriety,… Continue reading

Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship: The Personal Benefits of Integrity Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S  

In a previous post to this site on healing an addiction-damaged relationship, I wrote about rigorous honesty (why we need it and what it looks like) and the difference between active and passive truth-telling. In that post, the focus was on repairing relationship trust with a betrayed spouse or partner. This post is on the personal benefits of truth-telling. Active, rigorous honesty is not all about our significant other. We too will benefit. First and foremost, getting everything out in the open reduces the fantasy-driven allure of our addiction. After all, forbidden fruit is often exciting primarily because it is forbidden and secretive. If we keep our addiction hidden, we can romanticize it in whatever way we choose—worshipping it as our perfect little prize while ignoring its flaws and the related consequences. Until we burst the bubble and dissolve the fantasy by talking about our ‘stinking thinking’ with our therapist,… Continue reading

Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship: Active vs. Passive Truth-Telling – Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In a previous post to this site, I wrote about the ways in which active addicts damage important relationships, especially their intimate connection with a spouse or partner. In that blog, I noted that the most significant damage, in the eyes of a long-suffering significant other, likely centers not around what you did in your addiction, but around the loss of relationship trust created by your addiction. In short, when we’re active in our addiction, we lie to ourselves and everyone else in our lives—especially the people closest to us. In addition to outright lies, we keep secrets, we blame, we manipulate, we gaslight, and we abuse relationship trust in a hundred other ways. We do this habitually, often without thinking. To repair our addition-damaged relationships, the lies, secrets, and manipulation must stop. As far as our partners are concerned, us getting sober is great and they’re very happy about… Continue reading

Rigorous Honesty: The Key to Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

As addicts, we damage our relationships. And sadly, the more important a relationship is to us, the more damage we tend to do. Once we enter recovery, beyond the work of staying sober and pulling our lives back together in a general way, a primary goal for many of us is healing our damaged connections—especially with our spouses and partners. Most of the time, the most significant and painful damage, in the minds of our loved ones, involves the loss of relationship trust. As addicts, we lie, we keep secrets, we manipulate, we gaslight, and we just plain violate every aspect of relationship trust. These behaviors are part of the denial of our addiction. We lie to and keep secrets from ourselves and everyone else as a way of protecting (and continuing) our addictive behavior. Much of the time, we’re not even aware that we’re doing this. Our lack of… Continue reading