I started to write about six years ago. I was at a crossroads in my life and I, quite frankly, was not sure what choice I was going to make. Having a few months of recovery under my belt, I understood that the prognosis for this disease was grim. I want to take some time to write to my children and tell them who I am, how I love them, and about the life I have tried to live." So I began to write... ~°~ I still cannot explain what happened next. Something happened every time I sat down to write. It was magical and otherworldly the way my fingers would start typing; telling me stories about times and places that I had forgotten and how I actually felt about some things. When I wrote I was safe and strong and smart and insightful and connected to the world around me. From that moment to this one, I have learned that there is so much power in each of our stories. Just. Tell. The. Story

    All The Monsters At My Door – By Ruby T

    You know that moment early in the morning when you first start to wake up and you don’t “know” anything? And then after a second or so, memories and awareness start to trickle back in. They all come back. Fears about money, heart-ache over relationships in various stages of dying and decomposition, feeling unloved and even worse-unlovable, wondering,  “Does anyone truly love me or even see me? Insecurities, failures, fears, the past, dread of the future, problems with children, problems that don’t have any easy or right answers, feeling inadequate less-than never-a-part-of disconnected invisible ignored. I really HATE that moment. Suddenly, in the dark, I’m fully awake and am keenly aware of all the monsters waiting for me right outside my bedroom door. Oh boy, I really hate that. Then, the next moment is what (usually) lifts me out of bed and gently pushes me out of my room. That’s… Continue reading

    My Girl Would Simply Dance For Me – By Ruby T

    Today, I can say with confidence, “I am the Mother”   but my journey did not always look the way it does today.  There was a time when I was very sick with a violent addiction so very lost.  But because of Grace and Mercy I, the prodigal daughter, was allowed to return home.  Thus began my journey of learning what love actually looked like for the first time in my life.  And even though this little girl had every reason in the world to be angry, accusatory, and distrustful, it was through this tiny being that I began to understand radical forgiveness love with no limits and the gift of unfettered joy.  Even knowing of my wretched, unworthy condition of having been that mother who left her children… my girl would simply dance for me.   RubyT❁ Continue reading