Dear Judgy Lady On Facebook – By Elizabeth Ann

olderfemalejudgewithgavelDear judgy lady on facebook, I read the article you shared on narcan. Your opinion and commentary made my pulse pound and my face flush. I was angry, but after a few minutes passed I didn’t want to punch you in the face anymore.

My heart softened towards you, because I know you just don’t get it. You are so lucky and I am envious of that. I wish more than anything else that I didn’t get it either. I never wanted to and as much as I think you suck for saying what you did, I hope you never have to.

You see, I know something you don’t know. I have lived it, walked it and most importantly survived it, while you sit on the other end of a computer content in your ignorance. I hear that it is bliss. I made a decision early on in life not to use drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t because I was a saint, it was because I was scared of it. Not having my wits about me at all times terrified me, so I abstained.

I left parties early. I just said no. That old Dare pledge may have been one of the only things I have ever truly followed through with in my life. Well, the second… I have always wanted the same thing we all want ” True love.”

The heart racing, soul fucking stuff. That, roll of the eye inducing, movies are made out of. Lucky for me, I found it and I cherished it, protected it, stood by it through thick and thin. It was mine and I was never letting go no matter the cost.

Unlucky for me, I lost the human form of the person it was attatched to. It went defunct in a run down apartment five minutes from my house,surrounded by people who did not give a shit about that love. I lost the most precious person to me other than my children without a”goodbye” or a last “I love you.”

I lost the keeper of my secrets, my duet partner, the finisher of my sentences and the other half of my heart. I lost my financial stability, my security blanket, my hope, my sanity, my will to live, my plus one and my emergency contact.

I lost my home with narcan a truck door open away. I get it. You think it was his choice. You think he didn’t love me or anyone else enough. You think he was selfish ,stupid and weak. You think he didn’t deserve your tax dollars even though he worked harder than anyone I have ever known in my life.

If I told you how wrong you are, you probably would not be convinced. He is the face of a million junkies to you. You might not care that he poured ketchup all over his fries and ate them with a fork or that he always gave money to the homeless. That he smelled like wood chips, soap and just the tiniest hint of a hotel swimming pool….or that he could draw a blue print with his eyes closed.

You won’t be moved to hear that he loved my feet, put my coat on me on our first date and ended every text with “I love you more than all the stars in the sky”, but all of these things mattered to ME. You are basing his worth on an image you have in your head.

It just feels so important to me that you know this; there are good and bad drug addicts, just like there are good and bad NON drug addicts.

He would never judge you for being such an asshole. If I had gone to him all fired up and read to him what you wrote, he would chuckle and tell me to calm down. He was a better person than you or I combined.

My question to you is simply, what about me? Do I deserve your sympathy and your compassion? Is my pain any less because the person I loved was a heroin addict? Do I deserve to suffer for loving someone you don’t deem worthy? Did he, for making one poor choice that led him down the road to hell? Do the obese deserve insulin or a defibrilator? Do smokers deserve chemotherapy? Where does it stop when we start making these kind of calls ?

Still, I know I probably haven’t changed your mind. It seems pretty set , all I can ask is that you honor my pain, just like I would honor yours if your husband dropped dead because he ate a good too many cheeseburgers. I ask that you do because we are all human and we are all in this together.


The junkies Wife.



About Magnolia New Beginnings

Magnolia New Beginnings, Inc. is dedicated to advocating for those affected with the disease of addiction, creating educational opportunities to inform and raise awareness about substance abuse, and supporting addicts and their families in the process of seeking recovery, maintaining sobriety, and reaching their highest potential through a new beginning. Magnolia New Beginnings has no paid staff, no overhead aside from minor administrative costs such as postage, website etc.., which allows all donations to go to the intended purpose; raising awareness and helping to create new beginnings for those affected by the disease of addiction. We strive to create a united voice among advocacy groups in order to create change. Check out Magnolia on their facebook page and website
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  1. Dear Elizabeth Ann,
    I wish that every judge, public defender, police officer, firefighter, all first responders, neighbor, friend, family member, representative who serves, loves, lives with or just knows anyone who has a substance use disorder could read this!
    Thank you,

  2. Dear Elizabeth Ann,
    I wish that every judge, public defender, police officer, firefighter, all first responders, neighbor, friend, family member, representative who serves, loves, lives with or just knows anyone who has a substance use disorder could read this?
    Thank you,

  3. Dear Elizabeth Ann,
    I am so very sorry your loss.
    It amazes me how some people still don’t or refuse to understand addiction Addiction is a brain disease with biological underpinnings. Everyone deserves respect, caring, love and compassion.
    Addiction runs in my family. These loved ones were and are kind, caring, compassionate and loving. They would give you the shirt off their backs, and some have. You deserve love, compassion and understanding just as anyone that lost a loved one,no matter the cause. You are worthy, just as your husband was worthy.
    Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved.

  4. That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I have read this before and like to come back to it. <3

  5. My dear friend, I don’t know you but I live your story every day. I love a man who opens does for me, holds my hand when we cross the street, and loves me in spite of my foibles. But after each rehab stint, I pray he can stay sober. One of these days, he make pick up the drink that takes him away. He has a disease and I can’t cure it, but it doesn’t make him evil. This is a disease and the purple who tell us that addicts lives don’t matter just don’t get it.
    Thank you for your brilliant writing and I’m so sorry for your loss.

  6. Thank you for sharing that. It was strong, loving, angry, caring and, above all, human. I don’t know who the ‘Judge’ on Facebook was, but there are many people out there who will understand your love and your grief. I salute you.

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