Dopeless Hope Fiend: A Recovering Addict’s Manifesto – By Ryan Sansome

You never had a problem with buying weed from me in junior high. You seemed to appreciate my proclivity for procuring high quality acid in high school. But when I started smoking meth during my senior year, you called me “a worthless tweeker.” When I missed the SATs because I partied too hard the night before the test, you pointed out how I failed more times than most have tried. When I sunk into a deep depression because my friends were walking out of my life, you said it was because I wasn’t “ever going to amount to anything.” It still hurts that you wrote me off because you thought I’d never get clean. I internalized your beliefs about me. I could never shoot, snort, or smoke enough dope to silence the memories of being shunned for having a disease. You looked down upon me from your socially acceptable, stable… Continue reading

In Memory of Debbie.

Another image of complete beauty captured by Ken Pomerance. The words are by our Editor Nicola O’Hanlon. They were inspired by someone close to her heart, and held onto the statement depicted in the image.   In memory of Debbie who passed after a lifetime battle with addiction on 24th February 2016. Continue reading

Can a Behavior (Like Sex) Really Be An Addiction? – By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Sometimes people wonder if pleasurable behaviors can be addictive. Well, they can. In fact, they’re every bit as addictive as alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, opiates, etc. And there is a great deal of research that proves this fact. For starters, and most notably, numerous studies tell us that addictive substances and addictive behaviors trigger the same basic pleasure response in the brain – in particular the release of dopamine (along with adrenaline, oxytocin, serotonin, and various other endorphins) – resulting in feelings of pleasure, excitement, wellbeing, euphoria, and the like. In many respects, this neurochemical pleasure response is the crux of addiction. Essentially, some people learn to use it, regardless of whether it is induced by a pleasurable substance or a pleasurable behavior (gambling, spending, sex, eating, video gaming, etc.) as a coping mechanism – a way to temporarily alleviate stress, anxiety, depression, and other forms of emotional (and sometimes physical)… Continue reading

Drinking: A Love Story – My Life is not the Highlight Reel

Chapter 5 of Caroline Knapp’s book is called “In Vodka Veritas”. It could be subtitled “The Truth About Drinking.” Caroline gives us a great deal of insight into her drinking career, especially some of her reasons for drinking. The prime rationale will ring true with many of us.  She just wanted to fit in. She didn’t feel like a complete person until the alcohol had passed over her lips, burning her throat and making her feel toasty warm inside. She was a shy girl and had trouble making friends, until that liquid elixir made her the life of the party. She watched others having what seemed like fairy-tale lives and wondered why her own life – with cold, impersonal parents and other family members who all seemed so self-absorbed, couldn’t be like that of her friends – with loving, effervescent families that exuded love with hugs and kisses.  She felt… Continue reading

Boss Lady Of My Own Life – By Nicola O’Hanlon

    “Oops I did it Again” Thank’s Britney Spears for this line that describes my occasional uncontrollable demolishing of self arriving at complete fucking insanity. I’m supposed to be all sober and shit. Eh, well sobriety means clear thought processes, sober thought, not just ceasing to be a mindless drunk. But sometimes I still behave like one and lose myself and forget that I’m the Boss Lady of my own life. So my intuition had to kick in and tie my guts up in knots and slap me around quite painfully to wake me up from drunkenness and need and delusion. What the hell did I just do? Again! Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in what I believe in. I just forget that I am power and strength mixed with sweet vulnerability. It get’s sucked from me and I become yesterdays girl for a piece of time.… Continue reading