• Past Articles

“Otheration” – Attachment To What Others Think

Before I started drinking and using, before my mom’s drinking had become the huge issue it turned out to be, before I fell in love with addict after addict I was emotionally bound to others.  It is appropriate as a baby, as a child. We learn to smile by being smiled at, how to laugh by finding things funny, to cry with a sad face in front of us. We become social by socializing ourselves to the people and situations around us. But at some point we are intended to explore and become familiar with our own feelings, from the inside out. It took years in recovery for me to find that ability. Growing up I learned to give up at games so that others would not experience the pain of losing, to behave in impeccable ways so that no one would have to be angry with or critical of… Continue reading

A Trip Home

December 5th, 2013 at 3:44pm, the weather man says it’s going to be clear and sunny till next Thursday with temperatures in the sixties after today. I finished packing up the bike, grabbed a sausage and biscuit, cup of jo, kiss and hug and hit the road. Thirty nine degrees and cloudy, and the biggest decision for me to make – what route to take to Alabama? Right or left? I choose right toward Highway 10 – the long way. Dragging floorboards on the twisties going up the highway, I knew it was goanna be a good ride. Rolling down 412 East across the Northern hills and valleys of beautiful Northern Arkansas. Small towns, narrow roads, low valleys while running the ridges, twisting the throttle back leaning heavy into the curves. Vance and Hines sung the song of my native people, stopping only for gas and occasional bathroom breaks. Coming… Continue reading

Functionally Ever After

  Why does it start? Will it ever end? The dysfunction eating away at your soul Till you feel so empty and no longer whole. Why did it choose me, why is this my reality? The pendulum swings, and soon it becomes your normality   Functionally ever after Can it be? They say to keep the faith Guess I’ll hold on another day And see. Functionally ever after Is it meant for me? Guess I’ll hold on another day And see.   What life does it pick? How can a person become so sick? I didn’t choose these parents I didn’t choose this life Why should I pay the price? Their dysfunction became my everyday rife The odds are against me, I feel they are stacked I should learn to hang on to maybe the fact That they could be worse on so many levels That one day, maybe I… Continue reading