Infidelity vs. Sex/Porn Addiction: What are the Differences? Robert Weiss PhD, MSW

As the author of ten books on sex/porn addiction, infidelity, and relationships, I am asked relatively often if all sex/porn addicts are cheaters and all cheaters are sex/porn addicts. The answer is no. Plenty of cheaters are not sex/porn addicted, and plenty of sex/porn addicts are not cheaters (usually because they’re not in a relationship). Moreover, the criteria for cheating and the criteria for sexual addiction are very different. In my book Out of the Doghouse I define infidelity as follows: Infidelity (aka: cheating, adultery) is the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful sexual and/or romantic secrets from your primary romantic partner. Please notice that this definition does not talk specifically about affairs, porn, strip clubs, hookup apps, or any other specific sexual or romantic act. Instead, it focuses on what typically matters most to a betrayed partner—the loss of relationship trust. For betrayed partners, it’s… Continue reading

Food, Exercise and Drug Addiction: Real Wellness – Isabella Paola

When I was using my idea of a healthy diet was coffee, a donut, crack, heroin, and maybe a McChicken. I know, sounds very well rounded. Forget about exercise or any sort of healthy movement, no daily walk or bike ride, in fact I think the only moving I was doing was to peek out of my blinds. I am not alone in the lack of overall health and wellness perpetrated through my drug addiction, many people become malnourished, vitamin deficient and damage organs and organ tissue. When we are in the throes of our addiction we stop caring about vitamins, the food groups, and a daily dose of sun and exercise. When I first got sober it was hard for me to begin navigating what health and wellness was. It was like I had to relearn what a healthy meal consisted of, surprisingly not a donut a day. I… Continue reading

My Relationship with Relationships – Kyczy Hawk

As last year was drawing to a close I pulled a few old diaries (now called “journals”) from my shelf. It has been years since I looked at them. Some years due to fear and shame, other times avoided in disgust for the sheer repetition in the pain, but this time I pulled some down with compassion and curiosity. Almost every page is filled with the pains of unrequited “love”. What I found was informative, enlightening and somewhat heartening. These books chronicle a young woman’s struggle for wholeness and autonomy over years (one of the early entries begins “Here I am, twenty four year old. There have been so many changes over the past year and I am lost again.”) Each entry has that same unmoored quality, desperately trying to find foothold for a spirit that is lost. Most often I looked for safe harbor in relationships. I won’t start… Continue reading

Love Your Addiction, Love Yourself Practicing Radical Self-love – Jillian O

“Love your addiction, love yourself.” When I first read these words, they stunned me. It was a complete paradigm shift. Away from guilt and shame and pain, and towards love and forgiveness and well-being. These words were the sub-heading in one of my favorite recovery books, 30 Day Sobriety Solution, part of Day 4: The Forgiveness Solution (for me, this solution alone is worth buying the book!). I have said it elsewhere, and I will say it here, because I fundamentally believe it to be true: people in recovery (whether sustained or cyclical) are some of the most empathetic, strongest, and bravest people I have ever met. Many have endured hundreds of indignities–big and small– while using and yes, perhaps even in going through a recovery process, especially if this process involved the criminal justice system. Some have hit a hard rock bottom, and too many have said goodbye forever to loved… Continue reading

Staying Sober When Your Friend’s Aren’t – Isabella Paola

When I was in college my friends and I liked to party, which I always thought was normal until it wasn’t. Two weeks before my graduation I entered a drug treatment center. I think I was lucky to be able to get professional help. I also think I was lucky because I got to take a little vacation away from my friends, stress at school, and family issues I created. I learned a lot in the four weeks I spent there, one of the things I remember the most was “people, places and things,” and “rescue risks recovery.” If I’m being honest, I didn’t think either of these things applied or mattered to me, most of my friends weren’t going to be asking me to get high with them on the weekends, that was always me. Plus, a decent amount of my friends didn’t do drugs and were what I… Continue reading