Little Steps – Ryan Michael Sirois

Last night I drove to a meeting where I was asked to speak about my experience with addiction. That relentless butterfly in my stomach began flapping its wings a bit faster, my heart quickly followed suit. A growing anxiety that I would be the epic failure of the century. It was night, a silent static in the air. Resting in my chest. What if they laugh at me? What am I going to say? What if they judge every ridiculous word? Typical thoughts as I drive to my execution. I can only imagine the thoughts of a man walking down death row. Google directed me to a neighborhood I had never been before. Run down homes, a gas station, a few people had already put up dangling strands of Christmas lights. I can’t believe it is already the holiday season. Thanksgiving had just wrapped up. Pale, cream colored homes stained… Continue reading

Reflections on the Anniversary I Never Thought Would Happen – Jackie S

Saturday, November 21, 2015 is the 6th anniversary of my last mind-altering substance taken for recreational purposes.  I have said that to myself at least 20 times in the last two days.  To me, that is a remarkable feat.  I never thought it would happen.  When I relapsed after 10 years dry, but not in recovery, I thought it was just a matter of time before I would disappear from the Earth.  I was a failure – again.  The shame and pain was unbearable.  How could I possibly let go of 10 years – thrown away like just some crinkled piece of paper stuck in my jeans pocket and run through the laundry, fragmented and no longer recognizable as anything of value. Eight more years passed before I thought I might be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was a failure at sobriety and I was a… Continue reading

A Life I Couldn’t Accept – So I Made it Better

This October if I make it to October, because I take it one day at a time, I will be sober for two years. Back then, I was working full time in an office in the IT industry. I lived alone in a foreign country and entangled in a very co-dependant relationship with a friend who was not very well. We were not lovers but spent a ridiculous amount of time together. I saw my two kids only at the weekends, (luckily for us all) and I had debts that I couldn’t manage.  I couldn’t understand where all the money was going.  At one stage my bank card was cancelled because of my consistent over draft. My bills lay unopen for weeks, and I wouldn’t even open the letter box until I really needed to. I have failed at two long term partnerships, each lasting about seven years. My work… Continue reading

Me…..Progressing

It seems like everyone has a story to tell.  My social media news feeds are littered with links to blogs describing stories of wedding planners gone mad, and kids’ crayons melted into car seats.  I guess you can say I’m hopping on that wagon, in more ways than one.  The only difference is, I’m sharing a less glamorous portrayal of life.  I don’t have kids, I’m not a cook, and I don’t have the end all cure for cellulite.  I’m writing for those of us who struggle with something a lot less cute than a crying two-year old.  I’m writing about my story of a relationship that is high maintenance, kicks you when you’re down, yet you can’t seem to leave it.  A relationship that goes by many names, and manifests itself in people of all shapes and sizes.  I’m writing this with the hopes of helping anyone out there,… Continue reading