Winnie The Pooh: An Introduction to Addiction – By Kyczy Hawk

  Please don’t pelt me with “haycorns”. I have revisited the stories of Winnie the Pooh with a new point of view. I have been looking at the early stories from the books “Winnie the Pooh” and “ Now We Are Six” by A.A. Milne with a fresh (recovery oriented) eye. We all struggle with what we like best; well most of us. Winnie the Pooh (or Edward Bear as he was originally known) has been clear from the start. He loves honey. He loves honey in the morning for breakfast and then, when it is not yet time for lunch – it is time for “elevenses”; that little snack before a meal. And honey is the basis of all his meals. I too, abandoned the idea that drinking was for the evening time, even letting go of the phrase “it must be 12 o’clock somewhere” as I really didn’t… Continue reading

Books that Changed My Life – Codependent No More

The copy of Codependent No More in the attached picture, is my own. It’s evident from the condition of the cover, it’s been well read. On the back cover it reads, “Does someone else’s problem become your own problem? If so you may be codependent – and you may find yourself in this book.” Well, I found that I was on practically every page and realisations about my behaviour smacked me in the face with every turn of a page. I bought this book way before I had ever considered that I had issues with addiction or that my own personality traits were causing me some major difficulties. Yet I knew that something wasn’t right within me that ran deeper than my unhealthy relationship with chemicals. I was beginning to understand that my thinking and understanding of the world was extremely flawed and made even the simplest things extremely difficult.… Continue reading

My Super Powers And How to Use them Wisely

I have super powers. I was taught them early in life. I can walk into a room and sense how people are feeling. I can tell if there has been an argument or if there is peace. I have honed my skills to be able to respond and “perform” according to what I think others need: a clown, an organizer, a quiet mouse, a valiant protector. I used these skills to keep myself safe, to find control in an ever-changing landscape in a dysfunctional home. I used these skills to find some measure of security by matching my insides to other people’s outsides so, at least, it looked like we were getting along. As a child I was (mostly) very well behaved, and tried to be pleasing to the adults, helpful to the max; taking care of the other kids, running errands, cleaning up. I took responsibility, at a gut… Continue reading

SELF-ESTEEM: Tips, Tricks & Traps – by Kyczy Hawk

I came to recovery broken. I came to recovery having lost all sense of self. I had a huge sense of what I had needed; another drink, another line, another pill – anything- I just needed something!  Until I didn’t. Until I had only one thing left to lose: my being. The day after I had taken my last drink, and NO, I didn’t know at the time it would be my last, but that day, that morning I woke up, sitting on the edge of the bed – looking out at nothing. I felt lost and doomed. I felt that if I did this one more time, if I drank and drugged just one more time, I would walk out on what was left of my life. I would walk out of my dingy infested room, out the front door and turn my back on the last bits of… Continue reading

“Otheration” – Attachment To What Others Think

Before I started drinking and using, before my mom’s drinking had become the huge issue it turned out to be, before I fell in love with addict after addict I was emotionally bound to others.  It is appropriate as a baby, as a child. We learn to smile by being smiled at, how to laugh by finding things funny, to cry with a sad face in front of us. We become social by socializing ourselves to the people and situations around us. But at some point we are intended to explore and become familiar with our own feelings, from the inside out. It took years in recovery for me to find that ability. Growing up I learned to give up at games so that others would not experience the pain of losing, to behave in impeccable ways so that no one would have to be angry with or critical of… Continue reading