A Personal Interpretation of Using Dreams – By Jon W.

Using dreams don’t necessarily indicate a hole in our program; for a drug addict, there’s nothing more natural than to dream of using drugs. It has been helpful to me to think of using dreams as gifts from my Higher Power, vividly reminding me of the insanity of active addiction and encouraging us to strengthen our recovery. Seen in that light, I can be grateful for using dreams. Frightening as they are, they can prove to be great blessings – if I use them to reinforce my recovery. Just for today: I will examine my personal program. I will talk with my sponsor about what I find, and seek ways to strengthen my recovery. pg. 207// *excerpt from–Just For Today Daily Meditation. I have studied dreams as a sort of an interesting hobby for some years now, and find such fascination in the dream world. In our dreams they have… Continue reading

Dopeless Hope Fiend: A Recovering Addict’s Manifesto – By Ryan Sansome

You never had a problem with buying weed from me in junior high. You seemed to appreciate my proclivity for procuring high quality acid in high school. But when I started smoking meth during my senior year, you called me “a worthless tweeker.” When I missed the SATs because I partied too hard the night before the test, you pointed out how I failed more times than most have tried. When I sunk into a deep depression because my friends were walking out of my life, you said it was because I wasn’t “ever going to amount to anything.” It still hurts that you wrote me off because you thought I’d never get clean. I internalized your beliefs about me. I could never shoot, snort, or smoke enough dope to silence the memories of being shunned for having a disease. You looked down upon me from your socially acceptable, stable… Continue reading

The Fire – By Ryan Sirois

Four years ago I swallowed my last pain pill. Christmas night. After days of trying to look past the glowing orange pharmaceutical bottle on the kitchen counter. At Chris’s parent’s home in Pennsylvania. My mind a mess. Months of heavy anti-psychotics, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication. A pill to focus. One to calm. Another to balance. To block addictive tendencies. To make me happy. And one more to sleep at night. Six months out of rehab, diagnosed by a psychiatrist as anxious, depressed, obsessive-compulsive, ADD. A new pharmaceutical regime to replace the old. I became a washboard of blank stares and quilted thought. Words dangled from the corner of my mouth. It was my second Christmas with Chris’s family. We were in the cordial stage of getting to know each other. That awkward period where every sentence is dissected to make sure you don’t come across like an idiot. Not wanting to let… Continue reading

Just Like Amy

I wonder sometimes, where I’d be now, if I hadn’t stopped drinking and popping xanax. I’ve been advised over and over not to “what if” myself into a bout of anxiety. I get anxious easily. But my mind goes there, now and then. Especially when things are going well. And things are going well right now. They have been for quite some time. I’m not used to this new method of experiencing the world. It seems a bit morbid, even to me, to think these thoughts. But being unaccustomed to stuff working in my favour, my mind tends to wander back to where it dwelled for most of my life. In the immortal words of Amy Winehouse, I go “Back to Black”. I’m still distrustful of my thought process at times. But this type of contemplation makes me grateful. At least that’s my understanding of it. I imagine I might… Continue reading

A Tribute To Tim

  The following poems are by Author Jake D. Parent, and were written in memory of his beloved cousin Tim, whom died of a drug overdose in jail. Jake is also Co-Author and Editor of Hearts & Scars – 10 human stories of addiction, whom he dedicated to Tim also. Jake is the author of Only the Devil Tells the Truth, a novel about a young man growing up in poverty and dealing with addiction. The Hearts & Scars collection of stories shows how the deadly disease is a conflicted struggle, not simply of broken people, but one that encompasses the human condition that affects us all. The book consists of two sections. The first is a series of short fictional stories that portray individuals suffering from active addiction. The second is made up of real life tales of recovery, written by the people who experienced the journey themselves. The book… Continue reading