My DC Trip – Unite To Face Addiction Rally

Me getting to DC last weekend for the Unite To Face Addiction rally took all the planning of a large scale military operation. Organizing childcare, trying to fund it, booking flights – and then of course there was the hurricane scare. Would I even get out of Ireland without being sucked into the vortex of a tornado over the Atlantic somewhere? However, all was well and I headed to the airport for my five day trip with enough clothes to last a month. It was to be a jam packed few days. Not only would I be attending the rally on Sunday and meeting my www.intherooms.com family face to face for the first time, but I’d be meeting Jake Parent, Author and Editor of the online book I’m part of called Hearts & Scars – 10 Human Stories of Addiction, and taking part in a panel discussion for its launch.… Continue reading

Me…..Progressing

It seems like everyone has a story to tell.  My social media news feeds are littered with links to blogs describing stories of wedding planners gone mad, and kids’ crayons melted into car seats.  I guess you can say I’m hopping on that wagon, in more ways than one.  The only difference is, I’m sharing a less glamorous portrayal of life.  I don’t have kids, I’m not a cook, and I don’t have the end all cure for cellulite.  I’m writing for those of us who struggle with something a lot less cute than a crying two-year old.  I’m writing about my story of a relationship that is high maintenance, kicks you when you’re down, yet you can’t seem to leave it.  A relationship that goes by many names, and manifests itself in people of all shapes and sizes.  I’m writing this with the hopes of helping anyone out there,… Continue reading

“Otheration” – Attachment To What Others Think

Before I started drinking and using, before my mom’s drinking had become the huge issue it turned out to be, before I fell in love with addict after addict I was emotionally bound to others.  It is appropriate as a baby, as a child. We learn to smile by being smiled at, how to laugh by finding things funny, to cry with a sad face in front of us. We become social by socializing ourselves to the people and situations around us. But at some point we are intended to explore and become familiar with our own feelings, from the inside out. It took years in recovery for me to find that ability. Growing up I learned to give up at games so that others would not experience the pain of losing, to behave in impeccable ways so that no one would have to be angry with or critical of… Continue reading

Functionally Ever After

  Why does it start? Will it ever end? The dysfunction eating away at your soul Till you feel so empty and no longer whole. Why did it choose me, why is this my reality? The pendulum swings, and soon it becomes your normality   Functionally ever after Can it be? They say to keep the faith Guess I’ll hold on another day And see. Functionally ever after Is it meant for me? Guess I’ll hold on another day And see.   What life does it pick? How can a person become so sick? I didn’t choose these parents I didn’t choose this life Why should I pay the price? Their dysfunction became my everyday rife The odds are against me, I feel they are stacked I should learn to hang on to maybe the fact That they could be worse on so many levels That one day, maybe I… Continue reading

I’m A Recovering Parent – But Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Sitting quietly at home one evening, I got to thinking deeply about how my children have survived the many adverse social situations that having an addicted parent brings. They have lived in chaos and violence, witnessed the divorce of their parents, suffered financial hardship and insecurity – basically far too much for their tender years. My children are resilient to say the least and I’m beyond proud of how they managed to remain balanced through it all. However, I went from contemplating their miraculous achievements to wondering which one of my children is going to become the next active addict in the family. Can anyone relate? I realized that I watch for signs all the time. As a mother in recovery I find myself being hyper vigilant regarding the behavior of my children. My son for example; he’s 14 and generally finds life a bit baffling.  He is a great… Continue reading