Book Review “Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating” by Robert Weiss

Review written by Scott Brassart In the addiction/recovery world, infidelity is more common than most of us would like to admit. Many of us cheated while we were active in our addiction. Sometimes we managed to fuse our substance abuse with sexual activity, so our addiction and our cheating traveled hand in hand. Others of us waited until we were in recovery before we start sleeping around. Suddenly, we were sober and starting to both look and feel better, and our long-suppressed sex drive kicked in. Then, before we knew it, we had cheated. “Eventually, we learned that if we truly wanted to save our relationship, we would have to do more. But what?” Whenever our cheating occurred, we deeply damaged our primary relationship. Feelings were hurt, trust was lost, and the intimate connection that tied us to our significant other was decimated. Most of us tried to either cover-up… Continue reading

Jackie Steins Review of A Sober Mom’s Guide to Recovery By Rosemary O’Connor – Domestic Violence & Shame

It seems that each time my friend and I read a couple of chapters for my review, we see that the topics mesh effortlessly. I can’t imagine two more closely connected chapters than the topics of domestic abuse and violence and shame. We are reminded by Rosemary O’Connor, the author of this book, that domestic abuse and violence is not always what we see on reality television. Yes, there is often physical abuse, but more frequently there is significant emotional and psychological abuse. And why does it not reach the same level of reporting? Because the victims sit in shame and silence. Let’s not live in denial…abuse and violence can be perpetrated by both men and women. It might even be harder for a man to admit that he has been abused by his partner because society places even more shame in the face of machismo. We are starting to… Continue reading

How I Learned What Love Is – By Greg R

  Before I came to the fellowship, Love was physical and material. I didn’t like commitment, however, my attitude to anything was “What’s in it for me?” or “OK, and what do I get out of it?” I was either totally selfish or completely grovelling; there was seldom an in between balance. If I wasn’t in a relationship, or what I took as a relationship, then I was a failure. If I was in a relationship, I was either; scared of her seeing the real me, or more often than not, seeking comfort from the female of the species, to impress or get them to feel sorry for me, just for the sympathy sex. Basically, when with my partner, I was happy and contented, but if I was working away I acted like a single man on the hunt. After coming to the fellowship, having lost mostly everything, let alone… Continue reading

Sex Addiction Recovery: Tips on Using Your Sexual Boundary Plan Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In my previous posting to this site I outlined the creation of a sexual boundary plan that recovering sex addicts can use as a guide to not only avoiding problem behaviors, but to living a healthy and happy life in sobriety. In this posting I will give a few tips on how to most effectively implement these plans, once you’ve got one. Turn Your Plan into a Contract Sexual boundary plans are intended to define sexual sobriety while also giving you a plan for a better life moving forward. If you are truly serious about recovery, add language at the bottom of your boundary plan saying you agree to not engage in inner boundary behaviors, to be careful with middle boundary items, and to live in the outer boundary to the best of your ability. And then sign the document, turning it into a contract. After it is signed you… Continue reading

Sex Addiction Recovery: Creating a Sexual Boundary Plan – Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In my previous posting to this site, I discussed the ways in which recovering sex addicts can best define sexual sobriety, noting first that lasting sexual sobriety does not involve long-term sexual abstinence, and next that it looks different for each recovering addict depending on his or her unique life circumstances and goals. Generally, recovering sex addicts create a written definition of what sexual sobriety looks like for them to ensure they fully understand which behaviors are and are not acceptable. After creating this written and highly individualized definition of sexual sobriety, addicts must then work to live out their new ideals. To this end, it is recommended that they also create a three-tiered Sexual Boundary Plan, with inner, middle, and outer boundaries that provide them with further and much more specific guidance than a simple definition of what does and does not constitute sexual sobriety. The Inner Boundary This… Continue reading