Less Pushing More Allowing – Nicola O’Hanlon

I’d like us to think about that concept for a moment and consider what it means. We so often that we much push for what we want, work harder and faster, put all our effort into out goals until we have nothing left to give. But is that really the best way to achieve what we want? Let’s do a short visualization to help us connect with what Less Pushing and More Allowing means to you. It may be different for each person. Sit comfortably in your chair. Feel your feet flat on the floor, back against the chair, shoulders relaxed. Close your eyes if it feels comfortable for you. Take a deep breath in through your nose until your lungs are filled to capacity, hold…….and let go out through your mouth. Do this breathing exercise three times. Now I want you to become very aware of yourself, and when I… Continue reading

The Tangled Labyrinth of a Chaotic Childhood – Kyczy Hawk

I have not felt as if I had any connection with my ancestors; but it turns out that I do. Not in the “descended from royalty” kind, or the “long line of heroes” type, but the “inherited a poor resilience structure” kind. I do have a history, and it is painful. After several years in recovery I had to look at my life before liquor, my childhood before cocaine, my minority before marijuana – you get the drift. There were behaviors and characteristics that had set the stage for my using, drinking, rampant sexuality, dependence on independence. I had to untangle my old solution set, and find a new structure for my character and inner self, just as I had found recovery for my disease of addiction. This had to start in my past. With a family that moved often between cultures but had no center in itself, this wonderful… Continue reading

How is Your Dependence Serving You? Unlocking Your Truth – Nicola O’Hanlon

Addiction and dependence have many definitions. There are many different opinions and many heated arguments around the subject. For me there is no one clear definition for each person regarding their dependence or addiction. Humans are too complicated and their circumstances too individual to stick a generic prescription on what looks like a similar dis-ease. This is what fits my personal experience; Addiction or dependence is the act of relying on or being controlled by someone or something else to keep me functional. You can define your own experience how you want to. When we think of addiction or dependence, most of us will immediately turn to things like drugs or alcohol to identify the concept. Some of us are or have been addicted to these substances and now see ourselves as alcoholics or addicts. Of course, we know that addiction or dependence covers a vast arena of substances and… Continue reading

What are the Consequences of People Pleasing? – Nicola O’Hanlon

Do some of the following scenarios sound familiar to you? There is just not enough time to care for yourself. Your health is compromised because there is just no time to exercise or prepare nutritious food. There’s a constant running from one commitment to another and your needs are last on the list – SELF NEGLECT. You feel like you are suppressing anger a lot, but because you are a kind and compassionate person, your anger stays stuck inside with no outlet. You notice certain things in your personality seeping out – passive aggressive behaviour that’s really not you, sharp comments to people who really don’t deserve it or cynical viewpoints not usual for you. These characteristics show up and feel like they are uncontrollable, yet the things you are really angry about stay locked away – ANGER AND RESENTMENT. You’re struggling to enjoy social activity. You’re there in body,… Continue reading

Spiritual Bypass V Acting Yourself into Right Thinking – Kyczy Hawk

How can I tell if I am growing by acting gown up or practicing spiritual bypass? What is the difference between walking the talk, acting myself into right thinking, and finding a more socially acceptable delusion to the practice of my addiction? When does “go-along to get-along” become toxic? What if I weren’t always “nice”? Why do I feel like a fraud? Why do I only want you to see my spiritually enhanced self without ever seeing the dark, unpleasant or unlovely parts? How can I tell I am avoiding growth and how can I tell I am actually participating in a form of spiritual bypass? First a definition: “. . . [we] use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”  – John Wellwood, psychologist and Buddhist practitioner. As in all things recovery oriented; that sentence makes it sound… Continue reading