The Tangled Labyrinth of a Chaotic Childhood – Kyczy Hawk

I have not felt as if I had any connection with my ancestors; but it turns out that I do. Not in the “descended from royalty” kind, or the “long line of heroes” type, but the “inherited a poor resilience structure” kind. I do have a history, and it is painful. After several years in recovery I had to look at my life before liquor, my childhood before cocaine, my minority before marijuana – you get the drift. There were behaviors and characteristics that had set the stage for my using, drinking, rampant sexuality, dependence on independence. I had to untangle my old solution set, and find a new structure for my character and inner self, just as I had found recovery for my disease of addiction. This had to start in my past. With a family that moved often between cultures but had no center in itself, this wonderful… Continue reading

Spiritual Bypass V Acting Yourself into Right Thinking – Kyczy Hawk

How can I tell if I am growing by acting gown up or practicing spiritual bypass? What is the difference between walking the talk, acting myself into right thinking, and finding a more socially acceptable delusion to the practice of my addiction? When does “go-along to get-along” become toxic? What if I weren’t always “nice”? Why do I feel like a fraud? Why do I only want you to see my spiritually enhanced self without ever seeing the dark, unpleasant or unlovely parts? How can I tell I am avoiding growth and how can I tell I am actually participating in a form of spiritual bypass? First a definition: “. . . [we] use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”  – John Wellwood, psychologist and Buddhist practitioner. As in all things recovery oriented; that sentence makes it sound… Continue reading

Yogic Tools for Recovery: A Guide to Working the 12 Steps – A Review by Erika Duffy

Many of our human brains excel at separating, dissecting, labeling, categorizing and organizing concepts in an attempt to make them more understandable, yet terribly complicated. This author has, in her genius, taken incredibly complex, timeless wisdom and historically successful methodologies for healing and made them simple(not easy), comprehensible and accessible. Over the years I have wrestled, like many people, to regulate my personal fluctuations between my attachments to pleasure and my aversion to pain settling on a “healthier addiction” to collecting books or knowledge. In constant pursuit to quell my endless thirst for the most up to date, accurate resources for my own personal growth and to assist my offerings to students and residents I work with countless books lining multiple shelves, desks, tables and even the floor alongside my bed. For the past twelve years I have been a facilitator of yoga and meditation in schools, camps, studios and… Continue reading

One Foot In Front Of The Other; One Breath At A Time – Kyczy Hawk

So simple. So hard. Not a lot to do and so easy to forget. The adrenaline intoxication wipes out the plan to keep it simple, maintain my boundaries, avoid that behavior, stop acting that way. I become wrapped up in the sensations of overwhelm and forget to pause. Really, I mean to use the pause, use the breath take a moment, consult my friend, my sponsor, my higher power, but I am already rushing down the path of self destruction. This mini-path of self destruction, or self forgetting, may not be a full relapse but unchecked it could lead to relapse. This tsunami of emotion may not wipe out weeks of devoted practice of living a sober life, but it can feel like a big detour. How to stop this train of false elation- these feelings that exalt those actions and attributes I am trying so hard to unlearn, retrain,… Continue reading

Where did that thought come from? Why won’t it go away? – By Kyczy Hawk

The mind is an amazingly persistent machine that pursues questions hoping to find an answer. What happens to the unanswerable questions? Why do un-answerable questions about situations from our past or concerns about the future plague us? Why does irritation show up as frustration, anger or depression? The mind motor over works, slips gear and then begins to overheat. Perseveration. Redundancy. Repetitiveness. Old stories told over and over again; past humiliations and pain regurgitated ad nauseum. I could puke at the pain of these old tales. YES it was important to get the images, the experiences, the feelings out there, out of the ferris wheel of my mind. I needed to work them through, tweazle the important nuggets of information and education that they had to offer. But, eventually, I need to let them go: those stories of pain caused and pain received. The times I was hurt and the… Continue reading