A Life I Couldn’t Accept – So I Made it Better

This October if I make it to October, because I take it one day at a time, I will be sober for two years. Back then, I was working full time in an office in the IT industry. I lived alone in a foreign country and entangled in a very co-dependant relationship with a friend who was not very well. We were not lovers but spent a ridiculous amount of time together. I saw my two kids only at the weekends, (luckily for us all) and I had debts that I couldn’t manage.  I couldn’t understand where all the money was going.  At one stage my bank card was cancelled because of my consistent over draft. My bills lay unopen for weeks, and I wouldn’t even open the letter box until I really needed to. I have failed at two long term partnerships, each lasting about seven years. My work… Continue reading

Mandala: Reaching the Vastness of the Centre

From the classical Indian language of Sanskrit, the word Mandala can be loosely translated to mean circle. But the Mandala is far more than just a simple shape. It embodies wholeness, representing the structure of life itself, a cosmic diagram that shows us our relatedness to the infinite, that which extends both beyond and within our bodies and minds. The Mandala can be seen as a container for essence, energy or spirit.  A journey into the self and to the connectedness with all that is. The concept of mandala originated long ago. Before the idea of history itself. In the earliest times of Indian or Indo-European religion, in the Rig Veda and its related literature, mandala is the term for a chapter, or a compendium of mantras or verse hymns which were chanted in ancient Vedic ceremonies. The universe itself was believed to originate from these hymns, whose sacred sounds… Continue reading

What Friday In Recovery Looks Like.

On this particular day, my recovered life looks like this. I’m sitting on my living room couch working (writing this), still wearing my pj’s and flip flops at 11am. I drove my daughter to school like this after getting her ready for Halloween dress up day. I have an abandoned kitten by my side that my sister found yesterday and since we are “cat people”, we of course adopted it. I’ve become its surrogate mother, or according to my children – grandmother. We now have four cats which is slightly unmanageable, but sometimes having a conscience can make life that way. I’ll get him (we think it’s a him) checked out at the vets later and get advice on how to care for a kitten too young to be away from its mother. The rain is pouring down outside. There’s towels and underwear on the washing line, dripping wet, because… Continue reading

Mind Vs. Heart – Poetry by Sarah McKinney

I’ve got a mind That tells me to smoke Shop, eat, drink, use Anything To change how I feel That’s constantly planning Playing out Different scenarios So I feel more prepared For an uncertain future A mind that wants To control everything That’s easily irritated And likes to be right That tells me your ideas Are stupid And what you want me to do Is a fucking waste of my time That it’s better to quit While I’m ahead Than make mistakes And try A mind that wakes me Up at 4AM Tells me to start checking Things off my list That I’ll never be good enough That everyone hates me Feels sorry for the fact That I even exist That I’ll never have enough Love in my life Even though I’ve always Been surrounded by it A mind that tells me Not to answer the phone When family and… Continue reading

New Gamblers Anonymous Meeting on InTheRooms

I’m Dustin, and this is an extremely important endeavor for me because this is something that is very close to my heart. Gambling took a toll on my life and those around me for over 8 years. My family, my friends, my coworkers, my wife, my child all suffered from my addiction. For many years I didn’t even realize that I was hurting anyone let alone myself. I saw it as just a little fun and a little action or excitement. As the debt mounted and my gambling continued to spiral out of control I was finally confronted with the fact that I did have a serious problem. I finally succumbed to the gambling addiction and checked myself into rehab. After weeks of rehab, years of counseling, and GA meetings I have developed a deeper understanding of my addiction, a greater sense of my higher power and faith, and a… Continue reading