On the occasion I lay down on the couch to watch T.V., it isn’t long before I am slumped, crumpled into a tight ball, deep asleep, with a little drool slipping from the corner of my mouth.
I go down hard and fast. Then suddenly I’m startled awake.
I am cramped and stiff. I know I should get up. I know I’d feel better if I took off my clothes, my makeup, brushed my teeth and slipped under the covers of my comfortable bed, yet moving seems worse.
I am inert unable to move. Stuck.
STUCKNESS masquerades in a variety of disguises and can start early.
I used to babysit a little boy who’d poop in his diaper, but refuse to be changed. He’d cry at the stinging messy feel, but he was so uncertain about “changing” that staying in his dirty diaper seemed better.
Truth is we can get stuck in our own dirty diaper syndrome. We don’t like a relationship, a job or our own body. We are uncomfortable. Even a funky mood can feel warm and familiar.
Are we committed to feeling bad? Committed to being afraid or uncertain about change that would feel different? What makes us stay in our own stink? What if we could recognize “stuckness” in a different way?
More like a scientist making an observation about inertia – no judgment no drama.
Inertia is the resistance of any physical object to any change in its state of motion
What if we recognized “stuckness” as the brain’s way of going on power save? Brains like efficiency. Running familiar thoughts is efficient from an energy point of view.
What if we could make the brain both efficient and effective with the quality of thoughts we chose?
Being compassionately curious about why you are feeling what your feeling is important. Indulging your stink is another story. It’s a choice. We think the feeling is persistent, but the reality is the feeling is fed by our thoughts. Our thoughts are the fuel for our feelings.
Sometimes I come home from a long day and I head straight to the cupboard where I keep tortilla chips. I am hungry and tired. Those are my feelings. I want to feel better. My thoughts say, “You deserve this, you worked hard, and you need to relax, let go of some tension.”
My thoughts are correct I deserve to relax… it’s just the “this” part that’s questionable. I have lots of choices about what I could do to relax, let go of tension and fuel myself with energy. I could lie down, do deep breathing, stretch, eat something crunchy and nourishing.
Knowing and deciding on those choices in advance saves my brainpower.
Why do we stay in our stink?
My clients ask me this as if uncovering the answer will solve all of their problems. The short answer is because it’s familiar; it’s what we do.
But beware of “WHY?”
Why is the ultimate question to ask when deciding on a goal—it’s the question that pulls you toward your end state. It’s a great futurizing question, but a terrible one for the past.
Why is it a terrible question?
Because we can get stuck in the endless loop of WHY? Why did I do that? Why did that happen? Why did she leave me? Why do I always sabotage myself? Why do I feel that?
We think asking “Why?” is useful inquiry, but it’s an illusion.
Asking a WHAT question is more useful if you want to make changes.
What could I choose when I’m hungry and tired that will make me feel good now, an hour from now and a day from now? What about this situation makes me sad? What if anything did I do to cause this outcome? What can I learn from this situation? What’s a different/better outcome I want? How can I get that?
Stuckness is one of the most common limiting beliefs. Stuckness is an illusion, because energy is always moving. It’s just a question of how constricted or free flowing it is.
One little shift starts the flow.
Think of a rock obstructing the flow of water—moving it even a tiny bit allows more water to flow. Making small shifts in any area of feeling stuck will allow more energy to flow.
Where can you shift one small thing to let more energy flow?
Make Believe ~Make Belief Affirmation: I am open to shifting my thoughts creating flow and new possibilities.