Myths and Misperceptions About Boundaries – Vicki Tidwell Palmer

If you grew up in a family where one or more family members repeatedly violated boundaries and wasn’t held accountable for their bad behavior, you may believe there are certain people with whom you don’t have a right to establish boundaries. This is simply not true. Often, people think about boundaries as attempts to keep others at arm’s length, or as punishment carried out by rigid, uptight, selfish, or frightened people. As such, boundaries are often thought of as harsh, cold, and uncaring. Because boundaries set limits, they can also be thought of as controlling, repressive, or restrictive of personal freedom. Healthy boundaries are none of these. One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they allow us to tell another person what he or she can or cannot do. In a parent-child relationship, that may actually be the case. However, in adult-adult relationships, we don’t have a right… Continue reading

No Is A Complete Sentence – By Jackie Stein

  As we head back into the school year, our children will be exposed to many different ideas and suggestions. This will occur for all age groups: elementary schools, high schools, universities. Some will come from educators who have agendas and some will come from peers who are already under the influence of others. Some will come from children whose parents’ values do not align with ours. As they go out into the world, it is important for us to instill in our precious children a sense of self-esteem.  Without that feeling of power over self, our children are more likely to be manipulated by others. It is difficult to instill this powerful feeling once the children have hit adolescence. In many cases, peers have become much more important than parents. So, it is very important that we instill strength in our children at a very young age. I am… Continue reading

Sex Addiction Recovery: Tips on Using Your Sexual Boundary Plan Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In my previous posting to this site I outlined the creation of a sexual boundary plan that recovering sex addicts can use as a guide to not only avoiding problem behaviors, but to living a healthy and happy life in sobriety. In this posting I will give a few tips on how to most effectively implement these plans, once you’ve got one. Turn Your Plan into a Contract Sexual boundary plans are intended to define sexual sobriety while also giving you a plan for a better life moving forward. If you are truly serious about recovery, add language at the bottom of your boundary plan saying you agree to not engage in inner boundary behaviors, to be careful with middle boundary items, and to live in the outer boundary to the best of your ability. And then sign the document, turning it into a contract. After it is signed you… Continue reading

Love Attracts Love – By Nicola O’Hanlon

The eternal quest to find the perfect life partner – that “someone” we connect with on every level – is something we all crave. If we just find that right person, our whole lives will transform into magic. Having someone to spend our days and nights with, share the highs and lows with and make love with, will definitely enhance our existence – when we are emotionally available enough to create such a connection. When we come into recovery having left our addictive behaviour behind, we often feel a huge loss. A grief of sorts. It’s at this time we are most vulnerable and find ourselves filling that gap with relationships that may end up being detrimental to our wellbeing. Those who are already in relationships are presented with their own set of problems and struggle with the immense surge of feelings and emotions experienced in early recovery. The dynamics… Continue reading

Holiday Depletion or Restoration; Finding a Balance – Kyczy Hawk

The holidays are coming! The holidays are coming! These words can strike anguish and fear, or excitement and anticipation. Or all of the above.  There can be feelings of gratitude and generosity, grief, guilt or anger. My childhood, my memories and my dreams can color my hopes for the upcoming six weeks. It takes attention and intention to avoid depleting my energy in frenetic preparation and to find moments to restore my mind, body and spirit to sanity. Yoga, meditation and breathwork help immeasurably to help me identify feelings of exasperation, excess and exhaustion. Any one of these, and any two together, much less three throw me out of balance and into a dangerous condition of pre-relapse mode. This is where I lose my allegiance to my recovery and let myself become emotionally intoxicated. When that happens I act in ways I used to behave, and lose my ethics, morals… Continue reading