Seeds of Your Spirit – By Kyczy Hawk

  I was never totally scum. Not before I started drinking and during my pre-recovery years. I was also not struck wonderful when I found recovery. However, when I share my story you might think that I was perfectly bad in my “before days” and steadily better on the road of “progress” with occasional bouts of perfection now. That is not the case. Not completely bad then, not thoroughly good now. The seeds of my true self were always there before I used, while I use and now, after I have stopped using. The little sprouts of my spiritual being popped up from  time to time in my youth and even in my using “career”. I was not totally one way or another, then or now. Reading the Big Book might give one the impression that we alcoholics are seething pots of self centeredness, self will; filled with self pity. … Continue reading

“Body Hacks” For Long Term Recovery – By Kyczy Hawk

Body Hacks for Long Term Recovery: why it is so hard to be in the moment and tools to help you find NOW. Why do I feel like something is about to happen; all the time? I feel in a state of high alert, not as if something good is going to happen, but the “other shoe is going to drop” and the first shoe wasn’t that great. I scan for danger- not just the regular amount of be aware of your surroundings but an extreme sense of predicting disaster. My hypervigilance is not just about my own safety but for the potential discomfort and lack of safety for others. I want to make everything “all right” for everyone, and that means looking out for them and remaining ever vigilant. Why is my stomach on the verge of upset so much of the time? Indigestion, even bouts of nausea and… Continue reading

The Generosity of Receiving Help – Kyczy Hawk

I was walking the other day, thinking about my daughter with whom I had just had a pleasant phone call. I am so proud of her, I love her loving heart, her pragmatic approach to life, the generosity she holds for her family, house and home; welcoming to others and being informal so that all can feel comfortable in her presence. She also doesn’t need me one bit. That is not surprising as she is a woman in her early forties. She has a husband, three kids, a career and a community. She has made a good life for herself and her family. And she doesn’t need me one bit. She has lyme disease and experiences knee pain on occasion. She eats well to minimize as much impact as she can. Even during home remodel she kept a good attitude; which for me is impossible when I am in pain.… Continue reading

Planning For A Retreat – Santosha and Letting Go March 2 – 4 2018

I have been holding Santosha (contentment) retreats for four years. This year is my fifth. Each of the topics is designed to investigate and address something that harms our contentment; preventing us of enjoying peace. This year I am presenting aspect of letting go. What is so difficult about letting go? Why do we hold on and what is it, about ANY issue or choice, are we really holding on to? Holding on is uncomfortable and letting go opens us to something we… can’t imagine- this change possibly feeling even more uncomfortable. Leaving a job, getting a new job, graduating or starting school, leaving home, starting a new family, going into or out of a relationship- all of these changes require a letting go. We have preferences, we have hopes, and we may also struggle with control. Ultimately, however we need to let go and turn over outcomes to our… Continue reading

Thoroughness From the Very Start – By Kyczy Hawk

Recovery is a program of action. We are encouraged to “participate in our own recovery”, to work the twelve steps until they work IN us. Being complete, being exhaustive in our efforts is highly recommended. In the big book of AA we are nearly promised a life free of relapse when we practice the principles completely and with devotion. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..” intimating that anything less was doomed. One of my character defects is perfectionism. Another is procrastination. I both want to do things in an exemplary fashion and the other part of me fears that I cannot be perfect – so why even start. The thinking steps: one, two and three, were philosophically troubling and I was warned continually “not to worry”, to do my best, so I just gave it a good thinking and moved on. Step Four… Continue reading