Do You Have An Expiration Date On Your Expansion? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

  My dentist peered into my open mouth, “We’ll have to take the bonding off your tooth if we want to do Invisalign.” (Clear braces). As a middle child, I fell into the category of “good enough.” My older sister needed braces, a dermatologist and a counselor. My younger brother needed glasses and an allergist.  In my family, resource allocation was on an as needed basis and even though my teeth weren’t great, they were good enough. As an adult, I became increasingly aware of my misalignment and how it looked when I spoke.  I was beginning to have more public exposure and didn’t like how, in photographs, two teeth always looked as if they were missing because they were recessed. I had minor orthodontia in my 40’s, but overtime I stopped wearing my retainer and my teeth returned to their recessed positions. The worst tooth was in the center… Continue reading

How Setting Boundaries Keeps Us Closer – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

How can a boundary that’s essentially a barrier enable you to become closer to someone? It’s not a riddle, but an enigmatic truth principle. Avoidance and distance are our natural defense mechanisms built in to eliminate the pain of those who trod on us either emotionally or physically. But what if there were a better way to communicate? Many of my clients tell me how strained their relationships are, or non-existent, because (among many scenarios) either a spouse, their parent, or a friend is constantly overstepping his boundaries by asking for money, deliberately undermining their parenting rules, being verbally abusive, using their clothes and not returning them, or constantly being late. My first response is some of those “violations” are not actually boundary issues but rather expectations. So how do you sort out a boundary violation from an expectation? For starters, defining the word helps. Boundary:  a line that marks… Continue reading

What Are You Worried About? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

“Should I worry my son can’t say things like other children?” a mother asked me. Pretty much all I heard was “Should I worry?” I knew what she meant, but her question was “SHOULD I WORRY?” We think worry is passive, but the truth is worry is like a brush fire with one thought igniting another until it becomes a forest fire out of control. Worry is a really bad use of your imagination. “Worry” is never something you should do, but taking action and asking questions is a good idea. So often we are quick to use language that actually creates our experience instead of describing it. When we preface our comments with the default phrase “I’m worried” and you stack it up multiple times a day you geometrically amplify worry to the queen bee mother of all worry— A N X I E T Y Worry is an… Continue reading

How A Resource Anchor Keeps You Afloat – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

I popped open the lid of the shower gel and breathed in the scent. Paris, 2004, The George V hotel. It was the scent of money and luxury, definitely pre-2008. It was a shower gel I’d taken as a souvenir from the hotel and now 12 years later, I was instantly teleported to smelling, seeing, hearing, and feeling what I experienced in that sweet moment in time. Scent is our most primal sensory organ instantaneously linking and transporting us to another dimension. Yet  all  of our senses contribute to an ongoing storage system of memories deeply embedded in our neurology. Simply put, these “anchors” are a connection between a stimulus and emotional response. Like it or not we are conditioned with these stimulus response opportunities all the time, whether it’s the scent of chocolate chip cookies anchoring us to a sweet time in our childhood, or a song firing off a memory of a hot hookup… Continue reading

Why You Should Lie, Cheat & Steal – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

If you think successful people lie, cheat and steal, you may be right, but it may not be what you think. Successful people take responsibility for the images they create and the things they tell themselves. Right out of the chute, we each come with the greatest computer on the planet. As complex as our brains are, they are also very simple. Our brain responds to the pictures we make and the words we tell it. Imagine you’re expecting your spouse to come home when you hear the door open. You’ve made a picture in your mind and have told yourself you know who’s coming in and are happy. You’ve interpreted the sounds and made it mean something pleasant (or if you don’t like that person you create a whole different image and begin to feel stress.) This is simply because of the pictures in your mind and the words you’ve… Continue reading