My Relationship with Relationships – Kyczy Hawk

As last year was drawing to a close I pulled a few old diaries (now called “journals”) from my shelf. It has been years since I looked at them. Some years due to fear and shame, other times avoided in disgust for the sheer repetition in the pain, but this time I pulled some down with compassion and curiosity. Almost every page is filled with the pains of unrequited “love”. What I found was informative, enlightening and somewhat heartening. These books chronicle a young woman’s struggle for wholeness and autonomy over years (one of the early entries begins “Here I am, twenty four year old. There have been so many changes over the past year and I am lost again.”) Each entry has that same unmoored quality, desperately trying to find foothold for a spirit that is lost. Most often I looked for safe harbor in relationships. I won’t start… Continue reading

What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say By Andrea Wachter, LMFT

In a recent blog, I wrote about speaking your truth when you are upset with someone, rather than stuffing it down or blasting it out. To that end, I wanted to share some practical one-liners for those times when you are caught off-guard. Many of us feel like a deer in headlights when someone says something insulting, hurtful, or presumptuous, and we have no comeback prepared. Like learning any new language, the language of assertive yet respectful communication takes practice. So here are some ideas for you: What makes you ask that? What makes you say that? I’ll have to get back to you on that. I need to take some time and think about it. That’s not going to work for me. Ouch. That hurts. I know I agreed to do that, but I changed my mind. I’m very sorry. I understand that’s how you feel. And this is… Continue reading

Rigorous Honesty: The Key to Healing an Addiction-Damaged Relationship By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

As addicts, we damage our relationships. And sadly, the more important a relationship is to us, the more damage we tend to do. Once we enter recovery, beyond the work of staying sober and pulling our lives back together in a general way, a primary goal for many of us is healing our damaged connections—especially with our spouses and partners. Most of the time, the most significant and painful damage, in the minds of our loved ones, involves the loss of relationship trust. As addicts, we lie, we keep secrets, we manipulate, we gaslight, and we just plain violate every aspect of relationship trust. These behaviors are part of the denial of our addiction. We lie to and keep secrets from ourselves and everyone else as a way of protecting (and continuing) our addictive behavior. Much of the time, we’re not even aware that we’re doing this. Our lack of… Continue reading

Genuine Surrender – By Andrea Wachter, LMFT

  Having been around the spiritual book block a time or two (umm, make that more like 2,000!), I am no stranger to the concept of surrender. If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard it and read it a thousand times too: “What you resist will persist,” “Let it go and see if it flies back,” etc. I don’t know about you, but when I want something, the last thing I am inclined to do is let it go and see if it comes back. And yet, everything I have ever read regarding the laws of attraction and the foundation of spiritual principles has led me back again and again to this: Obsessing and excessive efforting equals misery and usually does not help in attaining my goals, whereas letting go and surrendering brings peace and is often accompanied by some pretty magical experiences. (And if nothing magical happens to occur, if there… Continue reading

Sex Talk Special Guest Dr. Anadel Barbour – How to Have Better Sex

Dr. Barbour was 40 years old with a high school education when she got sober. Without a plan in mind, she began taking classes part-time at a community college while holding various jobs. After earning a We’re going to be breaking new ground on this week’s SEX TALK. For the first time, the focus will be on “How to Have Better Sex.” My special guest is Sex Coach/ Sexologist, author of the clinician’s book “Sex in Sobriety”, Dr. Anadel Barbour. She will be answering questions as well as providing advice on how to have better sex, how to re-engage your partner, and how to experience pleasure despite physical barriers. certificate as a drug and alcohol counselor she began working at a rehab until the financial struggle of an entry-level position forced her back into restaurant work. As coincidence would have it, she was feeling too old and tired for the… Continue reading