What’s Love Got To Do With It? – By Kyczy Hawk

If you remember the famous Tina Turner song, you remember the refrain: “What’s love but a second hand emotion.” That is the way it used to be. I loved you if my needs, thrills, cravings, or wants were being met. I didn’t see YOU, I saw my desires. I was loving the “if…then” experience, not the person. The second side to that was: “I loved me if you loved me.” I was not able to see me as a whole being in and of myself. I was lovable or acceptable if you saw me so; I was good if I was productive and did good things, I was bad if I was idle or when I did badly or poorly. It was all out there and not in here, in the heart of me. The way I didn’t see into the heart of “him” (except when defending or justifying a… Continue reading

Sexual Orientation vs. Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction – Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Sadly, there are men and women who engage in same-gender sexual and romantic behaviors who think that means they must be sex, porn, or love addicted. Generally, these individuals are not happy with the fact that they are sexually and romantically interested in their own gender – usually because their family, culture, and/or religion has told them there is something wrong with this. Based on this belief, they seek out (or are guided into) sex addiction treatment as a way of stopping their same-sex behaviors and changing their sexual/romantic desires. The first thing I tell these individuals is that same-gender attractions are completely unrelated to sexual addiction. Instead, sex, porn, and love addiction are identified by three factors: Preoccupation to the point of obsession with sexual and/or romantic fantasies and behaviors Loss of control over sexual and/or romantic fantasies and behaviors, typically evidenced by failed attempts to quit or cut… Continue reading

Cheating – Are You Honest In All Your “Affairs” – Podcast with Robert Weiss

Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is a digital-age intimacy and relationships expert specializing in infidelity and addictions—in particular sex, porn, and love addiction. An internationally acknowledged clinician, he has served as a subject expert for multiple media outlets including The Oprah Winfrey Network, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Daily Beast, and CNN, among others. He is the author of several highly regarded books, including “Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating,” “Sex Addiction 101,” “Sex Addiction 101: The Workbook,” and “Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men.” He is also the co-author, with Dr. Jennifer Schneider, of “Closer Together, Further Apart” and “Always Turned On: Sex Addiction in the Digital Age.” He blogs regularly for Psychology Today, Huffington Post, Psych Central, Counselor Magazine, I Love Recovery Café, and Mind Body Green. Robert and I had a wonderful chat recently, where… Continue reading

Lessons In Love – By Nicola O’Hanlon

“You might as well face it you’re addicted to Love”   I really love that song. But it also kinda makes me cringe because it reminds me of how I used to think about love. I wasn’t addicted to love. I was addicted to being owned, admired, shown off. Plastic love with no depth. I’ll preform how you want me to and then you’ll love me. Yuck, I feel ill. Real love is not an addictive thing in my opinion because it is not remotely attached to anything negative…including addiction. In our obsessive, all consuming desire for the ever illusive true love, so many of us lose ourselves and fail to even understand what love is. It’s Impossible to define because it seems to mean different things to different people. I’m not an expert on love in any respect, but I can guarantee you, love from another person is not… Continue reading

Can Recovering Sex Addicts Still Have Sex? (Hint: Yes, They Can.) – By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Sex addicts new to recovery typically have little to no idea how to define sexual sobriety. Sometimes they worry that sexual sobriety is the same as chemical sobriety, where permanently abstaining is the ultimate goal. Many say that if that is the case, they’ll stick with their addiction thank you very much. And would anyone fault them for this? Happily, sex addiction recovery is less like recovery from substance abuse and more like recovery from an eating disorder, where the goal is learning how to eat in healthy ways rather than abstaining entirely, which would obviously be a very bad idea. As such, long-term recovery from sex addiction does not mean addicts can never have sex again. Instead, sexual recovery is a process of learning to be sexual in life-affirming, relationship-affirming, non-compulsive, and non-problematic ways. Nevertheless, most newly recovering sex addicts are asked in treatment to take a 30, 60,… Continue reading