Partner of an Addict? How to Get Your Unmet Needs Met Part II – By Vicki Tidwell Palmer

In my previous post, Partner of an Addict? Getting Your Unmet Needs Met, I discussed the fact that partners of addicts are often unhappy not only because of the addictive behavior itself, but because they are not getting their needs met. In Part I, I outlined the two steps needed to remedy this shortcoming: identifying your unmet needs, and discovering how to get your unmet needs met in healthy ways. The previous post discussed the first of these steps. This post is focused on the second step—finding alternative, healthy ways to meet your needs whenever and wherever your partner is unable to meet them. In getting your unmet needs met, it’s helpful to begin with things over which you have control. I can’t emphasize this enough. You must start by focusing on things over which you have control. Partners of addicts sometimes spend inordinate amounts of time and energy attempting to get… Continue reading

Book Review “Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating” by Robert Weiss

Review written by Scott Brassart In the addiction/recovery world, infidelity is more common than most of us would like to admit. Many of us cheated while we were active in our addiction. Sometimes we managed to fuse our substance abuse with sexual activity, so our addiction and our cheating traveled hand in hand. Others of us waited until we were in recovery before we start sleeping around. Suddenly, we were sober and starting to both look and feel better, and our long-suppressed sex drive kicked in. Then, before we knew it, we had cheated. “Eventually, we learned that if we truly wanted to save our relationship, we would have to do more. But what?” Whenever our cheating occurred, we deeply damaged our primary relationship. Feelings were hurt, trust was lost, and the intimate connection that tied us to our significant other was decimated. Most of us tried to either cover-up… Continue reading

Sex Addiction Recovery: Tips on Using Your Sexual Boundary Plan Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

In my previous posting to this site I outlined the creation of a sexual boundary plan that recovering sex addicts can use as a guide to not only avoiding problem behaviors, but to living a healthy and happy life in sobriety. In this posting I will give a few tips on how to most effectively implement these plans, once you’ve got one. Turn Your Plan into a Contract Sexual boundary plans are intended to define sexual sobriety while also giving you a plan for a better life moving forward. If you are truly serious about recovery, add language at the bottom of your boundary plan saying you agree to not engage in inner boundary behaviors, to be careful with middle boundary items, and to live in the outer boundary to the best of your ability. And then sign the document, turning it into a contract. After it is signed you… Continue reading

Sexual Addiction and Stimulant Drug Abuse – By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

As discussed in my previous posting to this site, the vast majority of sex addicts also have a secondary addiction, whether it’s a cross addiction, where they switch back and forth between sex addiction and another addiction, or a co-occurring addiction, where they engage in more than one addiction at the same time. For multiply-addicted sex addicts, stimulant drugs like cocaine and methamphetamine are often the secondary drug of choice. Typically, this manifests as a co-occurring (simultaneous) addiction rather than a cross addiction. In other words, sex and stimulant addicts typically use drugs and chase sex at the same time. There are two primary reasons sex and stimulant drugs seem to go together. Stimulant drugs (and most other addictive substances) are disinhibiting. So using stimulants reduces or eliminates the sexual hang-ups that might prevent an addict from engaging in the sexual behaviors he or she truly desires. For instance, a… Continue reading

Linking Sex Addiction to Other Addictions – By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S

Sexual addiction is typically not a standalone issue. In fact, most sex addicts also deal with a secondary addiction. Sometimes these individuals are cross-addicted, other times they have a co-occurring addiction. Sex addicts who are cross-addicted switch from one addiction to another. For instance, an addict might alternate between acting out sexually and binge drinking. The addict uses porn, hookup apps, and the like until he or she feels so ashamed of those behaviors that he or she decides to stop. But then the addict starts drinking. And the drinking continues until the addict feels enough shame about that to put the bottle down. But then the compulsive sexual activity resumes. If the addict is not being sexual, he or she is probably drinking, and vice versa. Co-occurring addictions are when an addict engages in multiple addictions simultaneously. For instance, a sex addict might co-abuse drugs and addictive sex. For… Continue reading