Myers-Briggs or Candy Land? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

“I want winning!” the three-year old seethed as he plucked the dreaded peppermint candy card from the pile.  He was so close to the castle, the finish line, the grand ending where he could declare himself the winner, but instead he boomeranged back to the beginning only to watch others race to the finish. Candy Land is a game of momentary thrills and devastating setbacks. It’s a game of chance– pick a card — see what you get Like life itself, it reveals one’s general resilience and stress tolerance when external circumstances happen. In plain talk:  You get to see who you are when Sh%$ happens.  The game is about trust and tolerance about enjoying the journey and about dealing with the unexpected turn of bad news just when you thought you were at the top of your game. Everyone covets the ice-cream cone card. It’s the winning lotto ticket… Continue reading

What is the Paradox of Giving? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

  “Is it better to breathe in or out?” I asked my client who’d been struggling with devastating health issues after a recent break-up with her fiancé. “Out,” she said, thinking she’d captured some metaphysical wisdom in a metaphor about giving and receiving. It wasn’t her fault, the paradox was in the way I posed the question. Better isn’t an option when both are required Both inspiration and expiration are mandatory for life.  One isn’t preferred over the other. The question was a metaphor, but the point was to illustrate the paradox of constantly giving, without allowing herself to receive. She was hurting physically and emotionally. She secluded herself.  At great physical cost, she allowed no one to help, until she was literally hospitalized and forced to receive. She couldn’t even receive a compliment. She shot those down with her anti-aircraft missives.  “You’re ridiculous, I’m so exhausted, my eyeballs are… Continue reading

Why You Should Lie, Cheat & Steal – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

If you think successful people lie, cheat and steal, you may be right, but it may not be what you think. Successful people take responsibility for the images they create and the things they tell themselves. Right out of the chute, we each come with the greatest computer on the planet. As complex as our brains are, they are also very simple. Our brain responds to the pictures we make and the words we tell it. Imagine you’re expecting your spouse to come home when you hear the door open. You’ve made a picture in your mind and have told yourself you know who’s coming in and are happy. You’ve interpreted the sounds and made it mean something pleasant (or if you don’t like that person you create a whole different image and begin to feel stress.) This is simply because of the pictures in your mind and the words you’ve… Continue reading

What’s on Your Gift List? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

As we slam into the end of the year it seems we can’t avoid the bombardment of messages telling us to buy buy buy. Yet, by next year it’s likely whatever was bought this year will either be broken, out of fashion, not the Apple 8, or lost and forgotten.  But there is something you can put on your list that will grow and flourish over the coming year. Forgiveness. Like the disclaimers flashing, Don’t Try this At Home, you, too, should exercise caution. Before leaping into the seemingly impossible practice of forgiveness for the parent who abandoned you, the lover who cheated on you, or the partner who embezzled from you … Start with yourself. What does forgive actually mean?  for·give [fərˈɡiv] VERB To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake: That someone could be YOU. Beyond the definition, a hidden message appears… Continue reading

Can I Be Grateful For The Shit In My Life? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

I lay in bed at 5:27 a.m. setting my intention for the day. How about a Thanksgiving twist? This Thanksgiving I’ll be grateful for the shit in my life. Reasoning if I could be grateful for the shit, being grateful for the gifts would be Thanksgiving on steroids. Intention set, I got out of bed stumbling barefooted in the darkness toward the bathroom. My foot came down on something warm, soft and mushy. Wait, that did not just happen. Note to self, when setting intentions be very specific about language. Yes, I had just stepped in my first gift of the morning. “Whaddya grateful for now?” I admit it’s much easier to be philosophical while warm in bed, than on-the- spot grateful with warm crap between my toes. Why was I grateful for stepping in poop? My feet were cold and the sensation of stepping in something warm and soft… Continue reading