What’s on Your Gift List? – By Tsgoyna Tanzman

As we slam into the end of the year it seems we can’t avoid the bombardment of messages telling us to buy buy buy.

Yet, by next year it’s likely whatever was bought this year will either be broken, out of fashion, not the Apple 8, or lost and forgotten.  But there is something you can put on your list that will grow and flourish over the coming year.


Like the disclaimers flashing, Don’t Try this At Home, you, too, should exercise caution.

Before leaping into the seemingly impossible practice of forgiveness for the parent who abandoned you, the lover who cheated on you, or the partner who embezzled from you …

Start with yourself.

What does forgive actually mean?




To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake:

That someone could be YOU.

Beyond the definition, a hidden message appears when you separate the word FOR –GIVE of it’s compound components


We are always talking about what we ‘re “for”

I’m for equality.

I’m for clean air,

I’m for lower taxes.

What if you put the emphasis on the word GIVING?

What would you be for Giving to yourself?

Would you be for giving yourself kindness?

Would you be for giving yourself another chance?

Would you be for giving yourself a break from cruel and punishing criticism?

Would you be for giving yourself support and faith?

Would you be for giving yourself appreciation?

Forgiveness is about letting go of the destructive, self-condemnation, resentment and verbal abuse that perpetuates and keeps active that which you regret.

You cannot change the past, but if you are conscious in the present, you can actively amend a path, repair a relationship and/or cultivate a new one – even with yourself.

In short, forgiveness allows us to move in a more desired direction (Am I Getting Hotter?) eventually leading us to a more desired destination.

True forgiveness is work at a deep honest level, not just a mantra you pop off like a cute emoji.

Forgiveness requires an honest appraisal of self. Recognition where you missed the mark and a commitment to begin again.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone or approve the condition, it means you accept the reality that it is what it is and you are where you are.

You can never get from here to there without first recognizing and accepting where you are.

If you want to be 125 lbs. and you are 250, you must accept where you are and love your way      (along with other steps) to where you want to be. If you’ve betrayed a relationship, you must accept that reality, convey your true and sincere apologies and act differently. You can’t control whether your partner will accept and forgive you, but you can learn and choose differently henceforth.

Forgive and Forget, is the common expression and prescription for righting all wrongs. We know it’s not so easy to do.


What if we viewed ForGetting in a new way?

Not in the sense of not remembering and whiting out a memory, but more actively in the sense of

For – Getting

Would you be for Getting a healthier mindset?

Would you be for Getting a new pattern of behavior?

Would you be for Getting conscious and aware?

Would you be for Getting a new start?

Every moment is a reset button waiting to be pushed. Are you for GIVING yourself a chance to press that reset?

Make Believe~Make Belief Affirmation:  Today I am consciously For-Giving myself love and appreciation.


About Tsgoyna Tanzman

For more than 20 years, Tsgoyna has been coaching a broad range of people, including those who’ve suffered traumatic brain injuries and catastrophic life events as well as healthy, smart, successful people who’ve been derailed or feel stuck. She likes to say, “You don’t have to have a brain injury to damage your brain, we do that with our limiting thoughts and negative beliefs.” Tsgoyna is an expert at helping women learn to coach themselves, so they can redefine and recreate their lives from an integrated, empowered and joyful state. She teaches women the tools and strategies to separate circumstances from thoughts & feelings, while gaining insight and choice into the actions they take. She supports women in releasing emotional baggage and limiting beliefs, setting goals and taking action to achieve them. Tsgoyna knows about addiction, codependence, alcoholism and the daily process of working a program as her husband is celebrating 25 years of sobriety since the intervention she arranged. Tsgoyna is a Speech/Language Pathologist, MA/CCC, Certified Life Coach, Mental Emotional Release® Therapist, Master Practitioner of Neurolinguistic Programming and a Certified Hypnotherapist. Additionally, she achieved a Level II certification in E.F.T (Emotional Freedom Technique). She has also been guest writer with 9 published pieces at the online magazine MORE.COM as well as having 15 stories published in Chicken Soup for the Soul ( in 15 different anthologies).
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  1. Hi Linda,
    So glad you are finding a way to be For-giving yourself a boost to start the New Year. Wishing you the best.

  2. This really was what I need for that boost getting my New Year started in the right direction i’m going to be going back and back to it until I got it where I feel good.. thanks and. Happy 2017 to everyone trying to make this year a clean and sober and happy peaceful year

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